I could really use some help and advice on this one, thanks in advance. This is my first post here btw. Hello everyone!
I'm an INTJ woman dating an INFJ (I think) guy for over 2 years. I know for sure as far as tests are concerned, Iím an intj. I don't know about my boyfriend mostly because as the title says: he has very poor communication skills. I've given him mbti tests a few times, different ones, and the same ones again, and every time he came out as a different type: intj mostly, intp, istp. His results have always been poor on N and T mostly, and sometimes J.
I've read about my type, and his possible types intp and istp, and he wasn't fitting in them at all. He read about them and said it isnít him. So that's clear. He's a strong introvert and combined with other weak functions N, T and P, I've concluded he must be an INFJ. He read about that type and agreed most of it is true, some is not at all of course. I can recognize him as an INFJ easily. But he seems not to know himself well and is not interested in mbti or working on his personality in general. I've known him for two years so I think that him being an artist, musician, poet, humanistically oriented professionally, caring about people, love, me, and many other hints, he looks very INFJish given all that.
I've read INFJs have a hard time expressing themselves verbally and discussing their emotions. I as INTJ do not feel threatened with conflict or constructive criticism. I like to argue in a form of a debate or something. It's impossible to do that with him as he shuts down, doesn't listen, becomes moody, ignores me, and changes the subject and so on. There are always a lot of misunderstandings between us. I have to guess what he is thinking and I can't read his mind. He always finds some of my statements rejecting but as a matter of fact there's just my questions out of curiosity.
This has drained us both and no matter how sensitive I am and try to talk, he cannot say what he thinks or feels easily and he walks away on me. Iíve suggested him to write down his thoughts in a letter so we could discuss our normal relationship problems like healthy couples do together. He doesn't like the idea and says it's easier to say than write. But he's contradicting himself.
He can't even listen to me. Well he listens, but it's very hard for him to concentrate on my words and to reply back. So I feel like I don't exist for him. Iím patient with him and he can't give it back to me. I want to help him/us and he sees that as a message he's not good enough for me and that I don' want him.
We love each other and have a beautiful connection. Iím 24, he's 29, but I don't know how to approach him. I like that he's a feeler, he compliments my so called intj coldness nicely but we're so different, so I usually get along great with NT types but not romantically. Those have been just incredible friendships.
I'm sorry for my English and Iíve omitted a lot and simplified some complicated issues between us, I'm also distressed form this too. I hope Iíll get some answers from all of you, Iíd be especially glad to hear from INFJ males if possible. Thanks once again.