i agree with the op somewhat. i think not recognizing the sense that everyone is on their own path, which to me a few years ago sounded trite and pointless, was a lot more insightful than i realized. it's the only way you can recognize what being alive is like, and see what moving forward actually entails, and siding with the willingness to do the work to get better, rather than just giving up because you can't find a way to accept where someone (else or especially you!) is really at. when it's just so decontextualized, it undermines the fundamental conditions of experience that allow us to empathize with each other, that we all experience pain, that we all inherit shit, that in crucial ways we all have to give our best guess and see what happens, that we all have to take responsibility to deal with our mistakes even if they are not necessarily our "fault," because they're certainly not anyone else's responsibility either, and we are the ones who can best improve them or not. most of all, it undermines our ability to empathize with ourselves. bc you can't practice empathy only for yourself. it's not something you can hoard. it's something you have to constantly build the deep lung capacity for, to breathe in and out of every interaction.

when it comes to forgiveness, i think understanding is helpful, but it's only part of the process. the other is finding a way to give empathy to yourself. this is the only way that you can generate enough compassion and support for yourself to give empathy to the other in a way that is still authentic to you. the second is to grieve what you need to grieve, to choose to use the anger as a window into your own vulnerability rather than using the tensile volatility to project everything back outward, onto an object of blame. grieving is simply opening yourself to receive your own truth. when you allow yourself to own this, you allow yourself to connect your heart to give what it can to slowly, eventually soothe the raw burning anger you feel. you support yourself in healing yourself at your own pace. i find that trying to recognize the anger and the anxiety first, own those, and then use those as a way to work back to a deeper recognition of my own needs takes me into the place that allows me to respond most resourcefully, most authentically, more realistically for ME. when it can be done, it's much better than focusing on how the other person is wrong and you are right. it takes you to the place where you can make the best choice and recognize the responsibility you have to make that choice, rather than feeling like others are simply making it for you.

i'm still super shitty at it, however. i still struggle to recognize anger and anxiety, and i'm still just learning how to send some cooling, some breeze, some washing away to kind of get back to a better, less urgent place to fully take account of what is happening for me.