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  1. #1
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Default NFJ Temperament Question

    I would like to ask the other NFJs how they view their tempers and their personal experiences with it. I ask this because I frequently feel, even when I'm calm and rather "Zen", that I've swallowed fire. When I watch other NFJs, I relate to the overmastering drive to help, rescue and connect to people, but also to that weird combustive underconscience that is no more malevolent than real fire, but just as blistering. I want harmony and safety for people, and I also have this war-like pounding in my blood. Rescue and contention: Are the two meant to go together?

    I've struggled with feelings of ambivalence over this since I was young, like I *should* be "cool" because that's what was constantly thrown up in my face as the ideal when I was growing up. Even minor displays of emotional reaction were yelled down or considered bad or startling.

    I try to ignore or hide it because I can't make it go away. My father, an INFJ, has a very fiery personality, and two other male friends of mine, both INFJs, are the same way. Very intense and combustive by nature (read: not insane, flighty, irrational, malicious or shrill...).

    When I see Sidney Poitier, I relate to him strongly. He was/is pretty intense, but not out of control or unreasonable. I don't feel out-of-control or unreasonable either, but I *do* feel that being this naturally ferocious (even when contained) is frowned upon? My twin is very understanding and tries to help me be comfortable with myself.

    I'm really DONE with feeling like I have to disown part of me to be acceptable.

    I want to hear from other NFJs what it's been like for them. Do you have this same thing? Can you tell me about it/describe it to me?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Default

    Yes. I can try to describe it. I'm protective of certain ideas to the point where it can take people by surprise with the sudden turn from someone who is very calm, cool, and collected to someone who is assertive and passionate about the topic. I also have a tendency to appreciate warrior societies. Not sure what that has to do with anything, but for some reason I really like the idea of a hunter or a warrior being celebrated as a protector and provider. I think it satisfies a part of myself that contains the same mentality as a warrior--a part of myself that doesn't quite mesh with the rest of myself due to its potentially volatile nature. I suppose this is why I always choose classes in video games that satisfy that part of myself (How many times have I played the knight, the hunter, the champion? Too many.)

    I suppose it's just a very passionate part of myself that does, as you suggested, burn like a fire (and is impartial and analytical in essence, though it can be tied to and released with emotion). But it's a fire that is kept safely within the boundaries of my cooler, more conscientious self.

    Hope that makes sense.

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    So that's why the INFJ I was with a while back would suddenly have 10ft flames coming off her once the doors were closed...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    I have a temper... it's rarely appears in front of people. Only time that it happens is when something seriously violates other people's rights.... misinterpreting something for personal gain, general brainwashing... that kind of stuff. I think the NFJs in general have this need to defend and protect innocent and ideals.

    The fire burning analogy works well for me too. When it hits, it scares me. Although the clear thinking analysis is used while I'm angry. It's fire on the outside with a cool core.

  5. #5
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    (*puts Run in an empty cardboard box*)

    I've gotten something from everyone's responses so far, and I thank you. Please keep adding to the thoughts presented as they crop up.

    My twin said, after reading Protean's post, that she knew I was at least still vaguely myself if I was reacting at all. To her, the moment I stop reacting and go stone cold or silent, she says that's when I stop being me and that's when she gets concerned. If I'm remotely exhibiting a sign of fight or emotion, she says she doesn't fear for me.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #6
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    I find my displays of anger somewhat funny in a poetic justice sort of way, as when I blow my top, people often don't expect me too, It's usually at some fool who believes he can get away with doing something wrong to me, and expects me to stay in my favored reserved state .

    They've obviously never heard the phrase "It's always the quiet one".

    The responses to my short but potent burst of anger, are always of shock.

    "You've never seemed like that kind of guy."

    "In all the years I've known you, you were never like that."

    "Wow, bro."

    "He's like the Incredible Hulk"

    I don't like getting angry.

    My response is always the same. "I a pretty lax guy, If someone actually managed to get me angry at them, they probably deserved it."

  7. #7
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Sorry girls, I was just talking about some of the passion I've seen. It's amazing and at times calls to one to bow down when recieving the more positive end of it.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Well for the most part I try to hide my emotions and I have a huge amount of selfcontrol even when I am EXTREMELY pissed off. I am not sure who I can keep myself rational all the time. However, this doesn't always help me because I start to feel like my anger/hatred starts to eat me from inside. When someone pisses me off I rather leave the room for a few minutes and gather myself. Onether way that I noticed that I can control my emotions is by going to the gym. Working out kills all of my emotional energy. I guess I try to supress my emotions because I don't always find a use for them.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  9. #9
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    I am not entirely sure of your original intention of the Fire question, but for me there is a big difference between righteous indignation on someone else's behalf and out-of-control anger. The latter usually has to do with my own personal blocked goals for my own purposes. But if I'm advocating for someone, it tends to manifest itself as indignant, righteous, in-your-face stubborness ... mother-hennish, if you will.

    And lately ... not sure if this is a sign of age/wisdom/hard experience, but it also depends on whether I can change the situation with the indignation. Sometimes that's just a brick wall and everyone ends up bloody and bruised. Sometimes you just have to remove/rescue the individual from the situation.
    Be a Columbus
    to whole new continents
    and worlds within you,
    opening new channels,
    not of trade,
    but of thought.

    -Henry David Thoreau, naturalist and author (1817-1862)

  10. #10
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    I don't think I have much of a temper. I have a fairly high tolerance for inconvience, eccentricity, and stupidity and can laugh a lot of things off. But I do get angry sometimes, and it is usually because of someone being really nasty to a person I care about. It can feel quite intense. Sometimes I start shaking, and feel like I'm near tears, and that the world is a horrible place if such injustice can take place in it. The fire analogy works well for me, too.
    Basically, I hate to see people being jerks to eachother.

    On rarer occasions, I've lost my cool when someone has inadvertantly picked on a pet insecurity of mine. My INTJ brother has a habit of saying jokingly critical things, which I'm generally fine with, but occasionally he's hit on just the wrong topic and I guess he's quite a bit startled when I start screaming at him.

    Um. Maybe I do have something of a temper after all. :-)

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