[INFJ] NFJ Temperament Question

[nightning]

Not me, the girl; a place for her to do it with out her having to feel guilty after.

*smacks head* Gotcha!

 

[runvardh]

*smacks head* Gotcha!

it's all good

 

[Domino]

You're already sounding like the perfect man, Run! NFJs take note!

 

[runvardh]

You're already sounding like the perfect man, Run! NFJs take note!

Strange, two NFJs have spent only 1 week with me each a year apart. First was an I, the second was an E; the I didn't want a long distance relationship and the E was still dependent on parents who were moving in a few months and worried about me not caring about her enough ><. The I was 20 at the time the E was 23... Not sure how perfect I really am

 

[Domino]

I've never personally been involved with an INFP (I have them as female friends or married male friends), but I did once spend some time eyeball-to-eyeball with one in a very odd place. He was pretty "sparkly" in that get-Pink's-attention kinda way and I couldn't put my finger on it (as I'm used to being attracted to Ts only) and finally I *knew* what it was -- he was an INFP.

We'll get you another 10ft flame. Just you stick around. NFJs have a way of drawing each other.

 

[runvardh]

I've never personally been involved with an INFP (I have them as female friends or married male friends), but I did once spend some time eyeball-to-eyeball with one in a very odd place. He was pretty "sparkly" in that get-Pink's-attention kinda way and I couldn't put my finger on it (as I'm used to being attracted to Ts only) and finally I *knew* what it was -- he was an INFP.

We'll get you another 10ft flame. Just you stick around. NFJs have a way of drawing each other.

10ft holy flame with the love of God in her eyes... how unworthy I would be

Sorry, getting silly again

 

[Domino]

Why is that silly? Say what you feel. Nobody minds.

 

[runvardh]

Let's just say that's almost a quote from a prayer I've been saying for the past few weeks and the most embarrassing part is it always makes me cry...

 

[Theory]

^No need to feel sorry about that!

Okay, this is changing the topic just a little, but it suddenly occurred to me to ask this question: have any other NFJs besides me ever been called "overdramatic"? That's one failing that some of my friends say I have, and I think it may very well be due to this 10-foot-flame thing. I'm thinking we may appear overdramatic to others who don't quite get our constant intensity and passion -- especially when it comes to the seemingly mundane or ordinary things.

Does that make any sense, or am I just rambling?

 

[Kyrielle]

^No need to feel sorry about that!

Okay, this is changing the topic just a little, but it suddenly occurred to me to ask this question: have any other NFJs besides me ever been called "overdramatic"? That's one failing that some of my friends say I have, and I think it may very well be due to this 10-foot-flame thing. I'm thinking we may appear overdramatic to others who don't quite get our constant intensity and passion -- especially when it comes to the seemingly mundane or ordinary things.

Does that make any sense, or am I just rambling?

I've been accused of over-reacting and sometimes of being dramatic. Not that I mean to, it's just....the first thing that explodes (not even pops) out of my mouth as a reaction. I have to explain to friends sometimes that I have a tendency to "freak out" first (as in have a strong emotional reaction...not anger...just frustration or excitement/enthusiasm) assess the situation rationally very shortly after. Thankfully I have some wonderful people in my life who accept that part of me just as much as they accept the rest of me.

But I've never been accused of being melodramatic. That's always been my mildly manipulative ESTP brother.

 

[nightning]

Okay, this is changing the topic just a little, but it suddenly occurred to me to ask this question: have any other NFJs besides me ever been called "overdramatic"? That's one failing that some of my friends say I have, and I think it may very well be due to this 10-foot-flame thing. I'm thinking we may appear overdramatic to others who don't quite get our constant intensity and passion -- especially when it comes to the seemingly mundane or ordinary things.

Does that make any sense, or am I just rambling?

Makes sense... I've called myself "overly dramatic" a couple of times as a joke. ENFJs with supposedly dominant Fe in theory can be considered that by some T types. Although I usually find the extroverted SJs more into emotional drama. =/

 

[wolfmaiden14]

Just so everyone knows -- this isn't strictly about an anger response. It's the whole sensation. I frequently get this fired up and combustive when encountering someone who hits all the right spots in my brain. It can be positive too. What I'd like to focus on is the authentic intensity of NFJs (if you relate to this or if you don't) and to the primal responses we seem to have to things/stimulus/situations.

OH THAT. That feeling as if your very soul is about to either wrench it's way out of your chest or implode on itself causing a black hole?

Okay, maybe that's the extreme version of it. But yes. I get that a lot. It expresses itself physically for me most of the time. I used to get teased all the time when I was little because I'd get so excited I'd start just.. wiggling my arms up and down. The teachers used to tell me I was gonna figure out how to fly away. XD Now, I usually just run around for a few moments in random bursts of excitement. ...My cat actually learned to mimic this. I used to laugh and call him a moron when friends would be over and randomly he'd burst across the room and up and down the steps. Then I realized where he got it from. And yeah.. it can be anything from a touching moment on a show that hit, as you said, "all the right spots" to searing emotional pain to happiness, to talking to people, to almost an ethereal deja vu type surge.

I can't say I've ever been called overdramatic. While I have these reactions, I mostly keep them to myself. I've been raised around people who were either discouraging or indifferent, so I never really feel the need to express what I'm really feeling unless I deem it necessary, if it's even a situation where I'm able to in the first place. Maybe that's why it's sublimated into physical response.

 

[Domino]

Okay, this is changing the topic just a little, but it suddenly occurred to me to ask this question: have any other NFJs besides me ever been called "overdramatic"? That's one failing that some of my friends say I have, and I think it may very well be due to this 10-foot-flame thing. I'm thinking we may appear overdramatic to others who don't quite get our constant intensity and passion -- especially when it comes to the seemingly mundane or ordinary things.

Does that make any sense, or am I just rambling?

I relate to this all the way down to a cellular level. I've been called "fireball" repeatedly through-out my life and treated like one because when I feel an emotion of catastrophic proportion coming on me, I HAVE to get it out. NOW. My nature is to catalyze and I have to do it for myself as well. I usually only have problems when the overwhelming emotion is bad.

For example, if I see on the news that some child has been raped or murdered, or some old person has been beaten to death, I have to get away from it. If I can't get away, it jams into me. I liken my non-negotiable emotional reception to being a dog in a cage with a person jabbing you with a stick. You can't bite them, you can't run away. You're stuck in it and you have to shudder through the tidal wave until it passes. I experience the suffering of the violated person as if it were happening to me, and I just can't stand it sometimes (literally, I can physically crumble under the barrage). I haven't found a way to turn off the empathy or tone it down. I simply have to avoid triggers until I can find a better way of managing it.

When people call me "dramatic" it makes me feel even more marginalized and dismissed as an attention hound. If I wanted to get attention, I'd buy a push-up bra because I sure as heaven wouldn't chose THIS. It's a nightmare.

OH THAT. That feeling as if your very soul is about to either wrench it's way out of your chest or implode on itself causing a black hole?

YES. That's the one. I wonder if the Es have more trouble with being called dramatic than the Is who can at least attempt to contain it.

 

[runvardh]

I relate to this all the way down to a cellular level. I've been called "fireball" repeatedly through-out my life and treated like one because when I feel an emotion of catastrophic proportion coming on me, I HAVE to get it out. NOW. My nature is to catalyze and I have to do it for myself as well. I usually only have problems when the overwhelming emotion is bad.

For example, if I see on the news that some child has been raped or murdered, or some old person has been beaten to death, I have to get away from it. If I can't get away, it jams into me. I liken my non-negotiable emotional reception to being a dog in a cage with a person jabbing you with a stick. You can't bite them, you can't run away. You're stuck in it and you have to shudder through the tidal wave until it passes. I experience the suffering of the violated person as if it were happening to me, and I just can't stand it sometimes (literally, I can physically crumble under the barrage). I haven't found a way to turn off the empathy or tone it down. I simply have to avoid triggers until I can find a better way of managing it.

When people call me "dramatic" it makes me feel even more marginalized and dismissed as an attention hound. If I wanted to get attention, I'd buy a push-up bra because I sure as heaven wouldn't chose THIS. It's a nightmare.



YES. That's the one. I wonder if the Es have more trouble with being called dramatic than the Is who can at least attempt to contain it.

I wonder if all this is why an ENFJ girl I used to know called me cold: because I didn't externalize the way she was expecting...

 

[Domino]

I've never met a "cold" INFP before, so I can't be sure. You guys *do* seem to be able to contain yourselves though.

 

[runvardh]

I've never met a "cold" INFP before, so I can't be sure. You guys *do* seem to be able to contain yourselves though.

Could that have been a maturity issue then? Or maybe an attempted excuse to feel better about getting rid of me?

 

[Domino]

I think calling anyone "cold" is harsh. It can only take one of two directions: 1) it's how she felt about you/why she felt she couldn't stay in the relationship (without the intention of continuing the relationship from what it sounds like) or 2) a maturity problem.

I've told a boyfriend he was cold, but he really was and I didn't drop it on his head like a bomb or treat it like is a mortal character flaw. I just couldn't handle his always being so stony and frigid with me (and I'm REALLY not the cuddly type, so DudeMan was pretty frozen...)

 

[runvardh]

I think calling anyone "cold" is harsh. It can only take one of two directions: 1) it's how she felt about you/why she felt she couldn't stay in the relationship (without the intention of continuing the relationship from what it sounds like) or 2) a maturity problem.

I've told a boyfriend he was cold, but he really was and I didn't drop it on his head like a bomb or treat it like is a mortal character flaw. I just couldn't handle his always being so stony and frigid with me (and I'm REALLY not the cuddly type, so DudeMan was pretty frozen...)

No, she said it to her friend; I just got no communicado till after she moved cross country with her parents. Even then, it was her friend that told me - not her.

 

[Domino]

WHOA. Inexcusable!

 

[runvardh]

WHOA. Inexcusable!

Likely just hurt her less if I was just another in a string of bad guys she's been with, I guess.