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[NF] A honest description of an NF male.

Amargith

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Okay, since we're using horses as analogies - how about seeing the word control = tame?

Not to break the horse (force = control), but, to tame (=control) it to want to do what you would like it to do.

At the end, the only way control would not be an applicable term is if in your analogy you let the wild horse be, no interference at all, letting it run free, but, once you intervene (aiming for mastery)...you've asserting some form of "control" [beyond dressing up the word].

Nope :)
You ask the horse for its cooperation. Its good will to trust you that you will not force it to do anything it doesn't want to. To trust that you as the herd leader know what you're doing. And that trust can be revoked at any given time. That's not control. That's cooperation. It's the difference between advising and ordering about. To think you have control would be a big mistake as it would imply the horse will *always* follow your lead no matter how stupid an order you give it.
 

Qre:us

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Nope :)
You ask the horse for its cooperation. Its good will to trust you that you will not force it to do anything it doesn't want to. To trust that you as the herd leader know what you're doing. And that trust can be revoked at any given time. That's not control. That's cooperation. It's the difference between advising and ordering about. To think you have control would be a big mistake as it would imply the horse will *always* follow your lead no matter how stupid an order you give it.

That makes sense if you see control as a domination over another, versus an ability to direct (as you call, "lead") another.

Both definitions are relevant to the word "control" as per the dictionary, btw.

You started off with a wild horse. You're asking (not ordering) it to do something, if it cooperates (i.e., does the act you asked) - the horse is no longer completely wild (your mastery has tamed it, even if for that moment). Wild horses are not subjected to any form of guidance, manipulation, direction, chanelling, direct human influence....it's a free agent.

As soon as your world collides with it, and you're asking it to be directed in a certain way......and you're successful, you've achieved some level of control over it. This doesn't assume that it's a forever thing. It assumes that your intervention held (even if for that brief moment).

But, if the connotation of the word control is irksome to you guys, sure, we'll disassociate from it. Ti asks that you precisely define certain terms, so, Fi should have the right to emotionally define certain terms too.
 

Amargith

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It's actually, at least to me, an incredibly difference.

I remember growing up and being told to man up and have discipline and stuff. And everytime someone made me do something or even I myself told myself to do something, I'd rebell against it. But give me a chance to understand the need for that behavior, and have me agree with it, and i'll do it out of my free will without any delays. I actually got myself stuck in a rebellion loop for years with deadlines, schoolwork, responsibilities (coz I do have a sense of responsibility), where nothing gets done that way because I'm forcing myself instead of just understanding the need. Again, I dunno if this is true for other NFPs, but it is an immense difference for me, between control and cooperation. To me, control has the meaning of the other party no longer having a say in it..a clear hierarchy with no debate. Cooperation means you're equals and working together towards a common goal. Anycase, I'll stop derailing ;)
 

Qre:us

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It's actually, at least to me, an incredibly difference.

I remember growing up and being told to man up and have discipline and stuff. And everytime someone made me do something or even I myself told myself to do something, I'd rebell against it. But give me a chance to understand the need for that behavior, and have me agree with it, and i'll do it out of my free will without any delays. I actually got myself stuck in a rebellion loop for years with deadlines, schoolwork, responsibilities (coz I do have a sense of responsibility), where nothing gets done that way because I'm forcing myself instead of just understanding the need. Again, I dunno if this is true for other NFPs, but it is an immense difference for me, between control and cooperation. To me, control has the meaning of the other party no longer having a say in it..a clear hierarchy with no debate. Cooperation means you're equals and working together towards a common goal. Anycase, I'll stop derailing ;)

Okay, last response to you on this topic, as I don't wanna derail either.

I should clarify that I agree with you, there is a difference between control and cooperation. I just don't see it relevant if the "horse" is from within (analogy to Fi).

It seems like a disassociative personality disorder then.

I think cooperation is only relevant if something is external to myself (a work I have to do, a person tells me to do x, the examples you pointed out).....and in that, to keep my selfhood, autonomy, intact (my self-identity), I'm with you, as another ENP, in wanting cooperation over control. And, rebelling when I don't get that.

However, if it's from within myself, say, Fi, the overarching person in all this is still "me", I trump all the parts of me, as the whole. "Me, the whole, is greater than the sum of my parts." Thus, it is about this comprehensive me (the overall me) gaining "control" over a part of me. In this, I guess, I'm confused as to how cooperation really is relevant, unless different parts of me are completely segmented and unrelated (i.e., its own free agent) from the overarching "me".
 

Skyward

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I skimmed the first page, so sorry if I'm rehashing or posting a total non-sequitur.

It seems that ENFs are worse off in some situations because people will see them as, for lack of a better term at the moment, an NF right away, unlike an INF who might be seen as a T until one gets to know them. This might be from how forward the ENF is in life and how much more likely it is for them to express an 'NF feeling/though' whereas an INF is more tactical, from my experience anyway.

This usually means the ENF gets their foot in their mouth more often than the INF. The first instinct for an ENF is to react and DO compared to, from what I've seen in myself and other INF friends, INFs who tend to think too much.


I think what really defines an NF man is their sensitivity to things beyond what, say, an SF man would be sensitive to. We are are more paranoid, I would think, because intuition wants to see beyond things; reading too deeply into things also poses a problem that I wouldn't associate with SFs as they seem to follow more concrete actions. People also like things they can understand. My ISFP friend would rather listen to Metallica or Dethklok at heavy decibels while playing Halo and drinking Mountain Dew, whereas I myself don't even know what I truly enjoy. It seems to me also that SFs (especially SFPs) prefer not to discuss what they value, rather they would want to DO something with it to show people. People trust that more.

I guess I should just say what I've been trying to avoid. It seems that NF men seem more complex in interests and how they think compared to SF men. What I DON'T want people to think is that 'complex' means 'better.' Complex just means complex. 'Simpler' doesn't mean 'worse' either. It just means 'simpler.' People have their preferences. Some people might argue that NF men aren't even more complex than SF men, rather, that they just have different issues in certain areas, and those issues are less common, so less people know how to deal with them, making NF men harder to deal with.

Just my side of it. Take it or leave it.
 

Phenix

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I agree Hexis is NF. I also find him tedious with the maturity of a 15 year old. I've been in three wars and witnessed the effects of his kind of unbridled adolescent behavior. Really Hexis, nobody gives a sh!t what you think. If that makes me a pussy then sign me up.
 

Biaxident

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....unless of course your a guy who was easily offended by the above. In that case I probably was talking about you. All else, thanks for putting up with me.

I am so offended, I may just cry...:cry:





:D
 

Biaxident

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I know a phrase that would make an NF like you cry: 'I only like you for your muscles. Let's just be friends.'

:D

No...It would probably piss me off.

And since I don't find being friends with shallow people all that interesting, that would be the last time I associated with that person.
 

Skyward

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No...It would probably piss me off.

And since I don't find being friends with shallow people all that interesting, that would be the last time I associated with that person.

'I only like you for your personality. Lets just be friends.'

Fixed?
 

Biaxident

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'I only like you for your personality. Lets just be friends.'

Fixed?

No. If you are a real friend, you don't pick and choose. You take the whole person, or nothing. Or you're a user, and you should be buried up to your neck within 3 feet of a fire ant mound, then covered with maple syrup.
 
G

garbage

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I think I picked out maybe three or four of those statements that could also describe me, but the rest isn't particularly offensive.

I'm really not sure what else I'm supposed to say.


I think the issue that spawned this thread is more interesting, so I'm gonna reply to that too.
 

erm

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I'm an in NF no doubt about it. But in no way do I "feel" for animals who are abused, the poor, starving kids, the homeless, or those less fortunate than me. I like guns, like shooting them and better yet killing and eating an animal I just shot. I dont get teary eyed when I hear about your sap stories. I like using terms that others would find inappropriate to refer to parties of individuals who piss me off. I believe in an eye for an eye. I like fighting with my fists. A normal conversation with my mother includes enough swearing to make a sailor blush. If you offended me in person I would be just as liable to hit you as to call you down. I would be offended if you didnt stand up to me when I offended you. I take pride in being called bronze over brains. The sound of a Harley driving by or a colt .45 going off gets me just as excited as a chick moaning. Porn that a feminist has said personally to be demeaning to women I give five stars. Im offended when women get upset cause they think they should be on equal footing with a man in an MC. I feel women are better fit to be in the kitchen and bringing me a beer but im not against having a sugar momma who wants me at home to take care of the kids. Sup motherfucker is hello for my friends. Hello or hey is for people I dont like. I think of vegetarians as worthless ****ies even though my ex is one now my opinion altered accordingly. I dont do charity cause I believe the people asking for it are scamming me. If I owned a non profit organization my first goal on the agenda would be how to ring a profit out of it. I get pissed when a girl is slandered for having more sexual partners than me, id still hit it. I go for my knife when some bum asks me for change. The sight of kids playing makes me happy. I feel spanking as well as physical training are great motivators for kids. I feel religion is a waste of time. I respect those who can devote their lives to a singular belief. Im offended by those who believe its ok to push their beliefs on others. And I dont like people when I first meet them.

Discuss.

You've fallen right into the stereotype of the NF male, or rather, the F male. Maybe not as strongly as could be done. You've also fallen into the SP stereotype pretty hard as well.

Not that any of that is a bad thing, and it's only a paragraph of information with little context, but I have met NF males who stray much further from the stereotypes than that. Much much further.
 

PeaceBaby

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I would like opinions and discussion after you've read the following. The more you are offended by something in the following the more I want your opinion.

I preface the following with love, because it reads harsh. But you wanted opinions, so here's mine:

The only value this list of your personal preferences and attitudes has is to possibly prove you're an opinionated, hot-headed, poorly educated, cheap chauvinistic redneck. But that's about it. It neither proves nor disproves you're an NF (or a "man" for that matter.)

(Disclaimer: I use the term redneck in order to encapsulate another stereotype without having to fully flesh out a diplomatic way of saying the same thing.)

I ask in all seriousness: Do these traits you possess make you feel more "manly" in your eyes? Do you think you are trying to suppress your feelings to such an extent that you act out in polarized ways and hold controversial viewpoints? Do you think feelings give you an excuse for any behavior or personal attitude?

What are you hiding from?

And please note, your post does not offend me and I don't want to offend you. Personally I wonder if it is simply exaggerated for dramatic impact, and I am curious what drives you to say this stuff in the first place ...
 

purplesunset

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I preface the following with love, because it reads harsh. But you wanted opinions, so here's mine:

The only value this list of your personal traits and attitudes has is to possibly prove you're an opinionated, hot-headed, poorly educated, cheap chauvinistic redneck. But that's about it. It neither proves nor disproves you're an NF (or a "man" for that matter.)

(Disclaimer: I use the term redneck in order to encapsulate another stereotype without having to fully flesh out a diplomatic way of saying the same thing.)

I ask in all seriousness: Do these traits you possess make you feel more "manly" in your eyes? Do you think you are trying to suppress your feelings to such an extent that you act out in polarized ways and hold controversial viewpoints? Do you think feelings give you an excuse for any behavior or personal attitude?

What are you hiding from?

And please note, your post does not offend me and I don't want to offend you. Personally I wonder it is simply exaggerated for dramatic impact, and I am curious what drives you to say this stuff in the first place ...

I think it would help if you understood the context of his post.

The OP felt that there was a pervasive stereotype that NF males were effete little wilting flowers.

So in order to show how much he doesn't fit the stereotype, he started this thread to show how un-stereotypical he is as an NF. So there was a lot of exaggeration and posturing included in order to drive home the point of how different he is from the typical NF.

Of course, in one ironic twist, his overall tone pretty much screamed NF more than anything else.


Take people as they are, and don't be too swift to hand out judgment. I think he was just being candid, and he did say that he is open to correcting himself where he is deficient., or to being corrected by a woman who is willing to go the lengths for him.
 

PeaceBaby

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^ you miss my intention, but that's OK.

I totally understand the juxtaposition of his post vs flowers & love and all that.

I'm interested to hear his reply. Don't be so fast to assume I am judging him. :)
 

nomadic

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sure... i probably fit a fair amount of hexis description of himself, and yeah, i probably at one point felt the same way he did and acted in accordance.
 

Hexis

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I was merely stating that I didnt care if I came off in a negative light or a positive one.

I agree Hexis is NF. I also find him tedious with the maturity of a 15 year old. I've been in three wars and witnessed the effects of his kind of unbridled adolescent behavior. Really Hexis, nobody gives a sh!t what you think. If that makes me a pussy then sign me up.
Like purplesunset says most of it was a fair amount of exaggeration, true at the core but blown out of proportion to better drive home my point.

And I wouldn't think of you as a pussy cause you dont care what I think.

Also, you been to 3 different wars. Thats great, I highly respect your devotion to your country and your ability to say right out what you think. We have more in common than you may think.

But just maybe those wars detached you a little from the world? What you would view as immaturity might just be you placing ridiculously high standards upon others due to your own experiences? Maybe not, maybe I am immature. If anything I think I can say with a 100% certainty that on different issues I a quite immature.

As a side not i will shortly be leaving to serve my country by joining the army. I hope it to better discipline me and give me something to strive for. As well as teach me something of the world.

I preface the following with love, because it reads harsh. But you wanted opinions, so here's mine:

The only value this list of your personal preferences and attitudes has is to possibly prove you're an opinionated, hot-headed, poorly educated, cheap chauvinistic redneck. But that's about it. It neither proves nor disproves you're an NF (or a "man" for that matter.)

(Disclaimer: I use the term redneck in order to encapsulate another stereotype without having to fully flesh out a diplomatic way of saying the same thing.)

I ask in all seriousness: Do these traits you possess make you feel more "manly" in your eyes? Do you think you are trying to suppress your feelings to such an extent that you act out in polarized ways and hold controversial viewpoints? Do you think feelings give you an excuse for any behavior or personal attitude?

What are you hiding from?

And please note, your post does not offend me and I don't want to offend you. Personally I wonder if it is simply exaggerated for dramatic impact, and I am curious what drives you to say this stuff in the first place ...

When it comes down to it your description of me does get my blood boiling but there's nothing I can say cause on some level all of it is true. I am very highly opinionated, so much that many of my own opinions clash with one another. I do have a very foul temper, something inherited from both parents. You could say my high school wasnt exactly a place of learning for me, and I never did go to college. And many things that people particularly outside of Texas would use to identify with a redneck are things I identify with.

But not to say that I haven't tried to improve myself and my situation, ive personally come a long way since first coming to this forum. If given the same opportunities as those more fortunate than me I would have definitely come out better.

If anything those traits dont make me feel manly at all. Possibly why I act out on them so much cause they don't do exactly what they should for me. If anything its like just temporarily plugging up the hole that is myself. Ive come to the conclusion that I dont know myself very well, another reason why ill be going to the army. To find who I am.

And yes sometimes my emotion do give me justification in my actions if they are strong enough, but not always. I do still use reason, no one can not. Unless maybe the insane.

Honestly I dont believe im hiding from something at all. If anything I'm throwing my safe to the world so that it may better reflect upon me and show me who I am.

I think it would help if you understood the context of his post.

The OP felt that there was a pervasive stereotype that NF males were effete little wilting flowers.

So in order to show how much he doesn't fit the stereotype, he started this thread to show how un-stereotypical he is as an NF. So there was a lot of exaggeration and posturing included in order to drive home the point of how different he is from the typical NF.

Of course, in one ironic twist, his overall tone pretty much screamed NF more than anything else.

Exactly.
 

Orangey

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The OP strikes me as immature and emotional. And possibly gender confused on some level.
 
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