[INFP] how an infp is perceived by the general public...

[purplesunset]

OK, my fellow INFP's, what is so bad about people getting the impression that we're "goody-two-shoes" ?

You guys say that like it's a pejorative or something.


Is it because of the "it's cool to be baaaad" cultural trope?

The " badass" anti-hero type dominates books, TV, and movies. Bad is seen as cooler than good.


What eventually happened is we have reached a point where the "cool to be bad" cultural trope is no longer original. It pops up everywhere. All we get is a bunch of self-absorbed prima donnas trying to out-cool and out-bad each other. (This is why I hated Wolverine from the X-men movies. Talk about a scenery chewing, grandstanding douchebag all in the name of being a "cool" anti-hero)

People need to realize that being good is actually cooler than being bad. Being good is not neutral. Just because you pay your taxes, and never commit a crime, does NOT mean you're good. You're just neutral.

Goodness is a constant struggle.

Goodness takes active effort.

The sweet, good girl-next-door is actually cooler to me because it's so easy to slip into evil. It's easier to be the narcisistic prima donna. Self-preservation (which drives "badass" characters) is a basic instinct that even the lowest life forms share. What's so cool about that?

 

[OrangeAppled]

OK, my fellow INFP's, what is so bad about people getting the impression that we're "goody-two-shoes" ?

I think that phrase implies not thinking for yourself, but just following rules. It can also imply a negative naiveness, being uptight, and even smug about it. "Too perfect" people can be annoying because they remind others' of their flaws and can seem intimidating. Maybe that's unfair, but that's how people may react.

I agree the idea that it's "cool to be bad" is annoying, and that taking a stand to do what's right is really what is courageous and even rebellious from the norm at times.

 

[heart]

Yeah, I don't think I tend to come off well in general. I don't seem to know how to sell myself . I think there are mainly 2 ways I am perceived depending on how well people know me:

Early impressions: dull, awkward, unsociable, harmless, ditzy, shy, goody-two-shoes, weird

Later impressions: laid-back, absent-minded, nice, talkative, withdrawn/solitary, intense, nerdy, overthinks everything, weird...

Yes, totally and there's the issue with those people who become irritated with feeling like you're purposely switching between those two modes and they just want to label you as one or the other and wish you would decide.

 

[Ethanescence]

I think that phrase implies not thinking for yourself, but just following rules. It can also imply a negative naiveness, being uptight, and even smug about it. "Too perfect" people can be annoying because they remind others' of their flaws and can seem intimidating. Maybe that's unfair, but that's how people may react.

I agree.

The pejorative connotations with "goody-two-shoes" also seem to be a sort of elitist; thinking that you're superior to others who don't happen to act like yourself.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Yes, totally and there's the issue with those people who become irritated with feeling like you're purposely switching between those two modes and they just want to label you as one or the other and wish you would decide.

They find a label eventually...it's called "moody"
INFPs can be such anomalies though...even I see myself in contradictory terms.

 

[Seymour]

INFPs can be such anomalies though...even I see myself in contradictory terms.

Do not!

 

[OrangeAppled]

Do not!

 

[Seymour]

Girl fight?!?

I am cut! That is just mean!

 

[William K]

I agree.

The pejorative connotations with "goody-two-shoes" also seem to be a sort of elitist; thinking that you're superior to others who don't happen to act like yourself.

What? You mean being "shy, kind and considerate" are not charm points??

 

[Leanne_92]

my closest friend, isfj, tells me that I give off an air of being a stuck up and an impression of being really weird (though not in a good way) and confused, she likes to tease me about how confused i am, what I tried to express with sincerity, she thought I was faking it

I used to go around with the feeling that people dislike me on sight, they are just waiting for reasons why. It took me a long time to realize that that was probably my hypersensitivity (high F count) speaking...

Generally, people find me warm and friendly -- if I can be bothered to talk to them. In every school that I have been in, there is always one popular clique of people that I don't talk to. Not because I don't like them, but the feeling of incurring their unanimous judgment against me unnerves me.

So yeah, those people probably think I am stuck up and weird. Ironic isn't it?

 

[Southern Kross]

OK, my fellow INFP's, what is so bad about people getting the impression that we're "goody-two-shoes" ?

You guys say that like it's a pejorative or something.


Is it because of the "it's cool to be baaaad" cultural trope?

The " badass" anti-hero type dominates books, TV, and movies. Bad is seen as cooler than good.


What eventually happened is we have reached a point where the "cool to be bad" cultural trope is no longer original. It pops up everywhere. All we get is a bunch of self-absorbed prima donnas trying to out-cool and out-bad each other. (This is why I hated Wolverine from the X-men movies. Talk about a scenery chewing, grandstanding douchebag all in the name of being a "cool" anti-hero)

People need to realize that being good is actually cooler than being bad. Being good is not neutral. Just because you pay your taxes, and never commit a crime, does NOT mean you're good. You're just neutral.

Goodness is a constant struggle.

Goodness takes active effort.

The sweet, good girl-next-door is actually cooler to me because it's so easy to slip into evil. It's easier to be the narcisistic prima donna. Self-preservation (which drives "badass" characters) is a basic instinct that even the lowest life forms share. What's so cool about that?

I think that phrase implies not thinking for yourself, but just following rules. It can also imply a negative naiveness, being uptight, and even smug about it. "Too perfect" people can be annoying because they remind others' of their flaws and can seem intimidating. Maybe that's unfair, but that's how people may react.

I agree the idea that it's "cool to be bad" is annoying, and that taking a stand to do what's right is really what is courageous and even rebellious from the norm at times.

I agree with both assessments here.

The thing is I have felt constantly pressured into being 'bad' all my life. Doing the right thing is too uncool, it makes others look bad, it aggravate people, and its failing to play your part socially and join in on the general 'rebellion' or immoral behaviour. This reminds me of something that happened to me:

I remember a time back in high school when we had a assignment due for a technology class. I liked the class and the teacher and had spent ages working on the thing. On the day it was due, I had mine all ready to hand however we had a substitute teacher. Several of the people in the class decided they would play the substitute off the regular teacher to get away with not having done the assignment. When the sub, under the teacher's instructions, asked for the assignment they told him we gave it to the regular teacher the day before. Then the next day they said that we all handed it in to the sub and pretend they were lost somewhere in the transition. Of course, for the trick to work everyone in the class had to go along with it. I REALLY wanted to hand the assignment in but was specifically told by the others to shut my mouth. I seriously objected for several reasons, particularly morally, but was forced to go along with it, because to protest would mean social exile. You can imagine the frustration! Even though in the scheme of things it was no big deal, the principle still plays on my mind to this day - I hate that I just followed the crowd despite my better judgement. I think if it happened again I would tell them to get fucked and hand it in anyway - but things are different when you're 15.

It often seems to me that real rebellion is, in fact, being a good person and doing the right thing - as backwards as that sounds.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Girl fight?!?

I am cut! That is just mean!

Better? (now you're really cut...harharhar )

 

[CzeCze]

i have never gotten along with women, most of them just dislikes me almost immediately, i never understood why, i don't like them much either but for future profession's sake, i want to know what it is that makes me hard to approach, I don't need or want to be liked by everyone, but i don't want to be a snob

This sounds similar to an INFP woman I dated. Girls in highschool found a reason to dislike her according to her. Girls all disliked her. All her friends were boys.

In her case, I think it was a combination of being very pretty coupled with horrible social sense. She just did not and to a large part still does not really get a lot of social rules/cues. She also doesn't understand (or says that she doesn't, I don't believe her frankly) when people are hitting on her or flirting with her. I'm sure that made other women/girls wary around her. It's not just that she's oblivious, but when brought to her attention she refuses to take responsibility. Sooooo

Why don't you like other women? And what profession are you in?

I think answering those question would help give you better feedback.

 

[Lauren]

I'm replying here to OrangeAppled's earlier comment about how INFP's don't act until it's "ideal." Oh, so true for me. This is most apparent recently in a relationship I value so much. I literally decided what to do at a certain point based on the "ideal." I've now reconsidered that perhaps it's OK for things to be as messy as they really are. On the other hand, those ideals are important to me. Others my jump in and unknowingly cause a mess; I always reflect on what the "right thing" is; I go with that, which is (in the way I view it) the bigger picture. I always look for the way that causes least harm and that honors the other person. I still need to find a way to do this that honors my feelings and needs as well.

 

[Biaxident]

It often seems to me that real rebellion is, in fact, being a good person and doing the right thing - as backwards as that sounds.

Nothing strange there. The problem is that almost everyone else is conditioned to toe the social acceptability line. Because their lives revolve around how others perceive them. Teenagers especially.

 

[Betty Blue]

Ive been told a few times by both men and women that they think I'm intimidating.

I also seem to have a sign on my head that says 2 things:
Yes I not only want to give you my money I also want to talk to you at length cause I have nothing better to do

and

If you are mentally handicapped please give me a big wet kiss

I have been giggling about this post for about 10 mins, maybe i'm just in a silly mood, but that really tickled me.

On a more serious note (well semi serious) it's a great thread and very insightful.

 

[TopherRed]

ENFJ: Rawr.

Yeah...that's pretty much it.

 

[Lauren]

It often seems to me that real rebellion is, in fact, being a good person and doing the right thing - as backwards as that sounds.

What's the most difficult of all is doing what's right for another person by destroying your ego and letting go, under the most difficult of circumstances. A circumstance when you feel you've been wronged and are extremely hurt, and the natural choice would be to strike back and hurt someone you love. Instead, you do the opposite. In the instance I'm thinking of, not an act of rebellion as one of unconditional love, which comes to you quietly as the only real choice.

 

[nolla]

What's the most difficult of all is doing what's right for another person by destroying your ego and letting go, under the most difficult of circumstances. A circumstance when you feel you've been wronged and are extremely hurt, and the natural choice would be to strike back and hurt someone you love. Instead, you do the opposite. In the instance I'm thinking of, not an act of rebellion as one of unconditional love, which comes to you quietly as the only real choice.

The hard part is to do this without feeling like a push-over.

 

[Lauren]

The hard part is to do this without feeling like a push-over.

It has to be done not because you need or want something from the other person (so your motives have to be clear) or because you feel guilty or ashamed, but as an act that says there may be a piece of information I'm missing or that I'm not yet aware of, or I may have inadvertently contributed to the problem, and most importantly, it's not all about me. So, you don't feel like a push over because it's a humble, conscious act of love, a choice. A kind of forgiveness of yourself and the other person for being human, and for me, a flood of memories of the love and friendship the other person had demonstrated time and again that rose to the surface.