Hey there .. I am the kind of person who keeps things to myself until i have exhausted all thoughts on the subject, at which point i come looking for advice/guidance. I am now at that point, lol.
I have been dating an INFP for just a little while now. He knows my past and himself came out of a relationship recently to which he was badly damaged. I knew all this going into the relationship but i thought (as you do or as i do) that things would be different between us. Unfortunately they are not.
I was attracted to him because he spoke of transparency and honesty in a relationship to which i was thinking to myself 'YES finally' lol.
Now we are in a relationship the only transparency he is willing to show me is the ones on his terms .. Honesty comes during discussions but also when he has been caught out .. He has told me that he feels like i judge him which is not the whole truth .. He talks about stuff but that is all it is, just talk .. So it is not so much that i judge him, i have in essence stopped paying attention to his talk .. Because he retracts it. He talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.
He had a discussion yesterday which has really got me thinking about what he has been saying to me .. He writes beautiful poetry, and the women love it, lol .. I asked him why it must always be dark and why never light and positive, to which he replied that people don't want to read happy poems, and this is how he'll make his millions (he was joking), maybe he thougth i was criticizing him, i wasn't, it was just a question .. We also spoke about how much time he spends online to which he replied that being online is his diary and i basically don't have access to his diary .. I looked at a reply he was going to post, this was not good idea, lol.
He has told me that he is a private person and will never give me 100%, i never asked for 100% .. I just wanted the transparency and honesty he spoke of beforehand. He tells me short term pain for long term gain.
I know this all looks bad .. He isn't a bad person just in a period of transition, but i am now wondering if we are on 2 different planets. I don't want to become passive but i just don't know how to communicate with him .. He doesn't like that i talk and process information thus coming to a conclusion yet when i am to the point and blunt, it can come across as a tad harsh .. I don't know what to do.
If you can give me some insight, then i would be very grateful. I am open to ideas ..