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[MBTI General] NFs: Do you have problems with getting to know _NTPs in relationships?

Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
257
MBTI Type
INFJ
Has anyone experienced problems with getting to know _NTPs on a personal level in relationships?
I know there might be a huge difference in ENTPs and INTPs....I'm not sure what mine is....
sometimes I have the feeling I don't really know him at all....his thought etc. It's really strange, because we have a deep connection, I often feel like I don't know him........ doesn't ask too many personal questions....straaaange. because it's really great to talk to him, sometimes feels just like we're strangers....haha, guess I shouldn't spread it all out, this personal relationship blabla.
just wanted to know if you have similar experiences. I didn't want to complain or anything....
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
Hm. Yeah. It can either be fantastic or make me feel that I'd rather have my teeth pulled. Both E's and I's. I'll tell you one thing, though, you'll never get bored. Frustrated maybe, but bored...nah. :D Anyway, how much can you really know anybody, people don't even know themselves, so...
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My experiences with INTPs and ENTPs are very different.

With INTPs I often feel a barrier initially. It seems they are always just out of reach. My attempts to contact the person behind the wall are often thwarted, consciously or unconsciously, by their detachment. Sometimes it's like they were never there in the first place. I found them to be the hardest type to get to know at first, much harder than ENTPs; no comparison there.

Note the above applies to male INTPs only. Female INTPs I tend to get along with extraordinarily well and I find that we tend to form close relationships in a short period of time.

ENTPs I tend to get along with right off the bat. They are usually easy for me to approach and get to know. They readily share their opinions and thoughts on various subjects and I often feel they understand my viewpoints. Conversations with them can last for quite long. They are good at getting others to open up and are pretty open themselves. If we do have issues, it would never be about disclosure. Now getting them to be around when you need them... that's something else.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
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INFP
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4w5
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sp/sx
I have very different experiences with both also, but in reverse.

I tend to click with INTP guys fast IRL, and they will even seek me out when they are often passive about relationships. They'll open up to me emotionally rather quickly for people who often don't experience strong emotion. It's a pretty natural friendship/relationship with lots of great conversation, with the main barrier being their tendency to get belligerent and my tendency to be sensitive. The more balanced the INTP, the less this is an issue; there are a lot of things they can say to me that won't offend because I can have a dark sense of humor. I can also learn to take them with a grain of salt when they get cranky. I don't know any INTP women.

ENTPs are not people I usually click with, but I also don't have problems with them IRL. I've only met one IRL who came off as abrasive & obnoxious.
I notice I feel rather indifferent to most I come across. I had teachers in HS who were ENTP, and a trend is that they don't usually know what to make of me & so we keep each other at arm's length. Funny how INTPs often know exactly what they make of me.

My dad is an ENTP and we have never really had an argument, but we also have a very distant relationship. He is pretty much the same towards everyone: condescending and dismissive, but my ESFP sister & step-mom get much more hurt by it. It rolls off my back easily, because I don't take him seriously. My issues with him have more to do with feeling abandoned as a child.

The other ENTPs I've met usually strike me as funny & surprisingly book smart (behind the goofy behavior), but we never click enough to become close. They're too busy hamming it up and I'm too quiet and not easily impressed with their antics :coffee: .
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
My INTP is pretty private and I don't think I'll ever really be privy to all his inner nooks and crannies but he's also not intrusive, which is good because I'm pretty private myself.
 

SUPER

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
202
MBTI Type
ENTP
I often feel misunderstood by NFs... they think they know... or assume things... but theyre completely wrong
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
... INTP... They'll open up to me emotionally rather quickly for people who often don't experience strong emotion. It's a pretty natural friendship/relationship with lots of great conversation, with the main barrier being their tendency to get belligerent and my tendency to be sensitive. The more balanced the INTP, the less this is an issue; there are a lot of things they can say to me that won't offend because I can have a dark sense of humor.

Yup.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
I often feel misunderstood by NFs... they think they know... or assume things... but theyre completely wrong

Well, yes, that's the feeling I get with NT's as well when I'm on the receiving end of being misunderstood.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I believe this "not knowing the inner nooks and crannies" of INTP's has much to do with Ti. I've talked a lot about my frustrations with Fi in other people and it's unwillingness to open up and be honest and transparent. And it is frustrating. But, I must admit that just like an INFP doesn't really care to open up about their innermost feelings, I really don't care to open up about all of the mental projects that I'm engaging in. I do a lot of brainstorming/scribbling and recording of ideas (lots of notepads and random papers floating around) and if someone were to get a hold of those and go through them, I would feel really, really exposed and naked.

If someone wants to talk about something I'm currently "thinking about"/pondering, I always love that. I'll talk about it with enthusiasm and continue to open up more according to how interested they seem, but it's very calculated. I'm not going to just bare it all. It's usually much too deep, complex, involves a ton of variables/inputs, etc. It would scare people away.

I think INFP's and INTP's are similar in this way. Our leading functions (Fi/Ti) would have us "hold something back" from others, keeping our innermost workings fairly private. And I think this has much to do with why other types feel that there's some sort of wall there or that they aren't quite seeing everything.

I don't think it's something for a potential mate to have anxiety over, it's just a matter of not really wanting to get into the complexity of it (because you likely won't understand all of it anyways), and also a feeling of possibly being judged for it. Plus, it's an introverted function for a reason - it just feels kind of strange/foreign having it exposed.
 

Alwar

The Architect
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
922
MBTI Type
INTP
Has anyone experienced problems with getting to know _NTPs on a personal level in relationships?
I know there might be a huge difference in ENTPs and INTPs....I'm not sure what mine is....
sometimes I have the feeling I don't really know him at all....his thought etc. It's really strange, because we have a deep connection, I often feel like I don't know him........ doesn't ask too many personal questions....straaaange. because it's really great to talk to him, sometimes feels just like we're strangers....haha, guess I shouldn't spread it all out, this personal relationship blabla.
just wanted to know if you have similar experiences. I didn't want to complain or anything....

How old are you two and is this a new relationship? I always ask personal questions in a romantic relationships to make sure our principles and ideals are the same, but didn't when I was a teenager to 22ish. Maybe you haven't lowered his shields yet.

There is a good post on why many INFJ's and INTP's often get a long well on another board that mentions some initial problems due to the reluctance to open up on both sides, but then it's great after the walls come down if I recall. Much of it seemed to apply to INFP-INTP as well. I'll post the text if I can find it.
 
G

garbage

Guest
Not in a relationship sense per se, but my experiences with ENTPs lead me to believe that they often don't want to delve into the personal side of things unless it's in the form of them venting. That's perfectly acceptable, but it's so contrary to my own mode of operation that it can be a bit strange--it can feel like it's a problem in getting to know them.

In reality, it's me taking a wrong approach in attempting to get to know them. Or, it's an incompatibility. In any case, I shouldn't expect them to be any different than they are.

I think INFP's and INTP's are similar in this way. Our leading functions (Fi/Ti) would have us "hold something back" from others, keeping our innermost workings fairly private. And I think this has much to do with why other types feel that there's some sort of wall there or that they aren't quite seeing everything.

I don't think it's something for a potential mate to have anxiety over, it's just a matter of not really wanting to get into the complexity of it (because you likely won't understand all of it anyways), and also a feeling of possibly being judged for it. Plus, it's an introverted function for a reason - it just feels kind of strange/foreign having it exposed.

I have never heard this expressed and tied to MBTI in such a poignant way. So, good job!
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
4,455
MBTI Type
3h50
Not in a relationship sense per se, but my experiences with ENTPs lead me to believe that they often don't want to delve into the personal side of things unless it's in the form of them venting

This is true.
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
I believe this "not knowing the inner nooks and crannies" of INTP's has much to do with Ti. I've talked a lot about my frustrations with Fi in other people and it's unwillingness to open up and be honest and transparent. And it is frustrating. But, I must admit that just like an INFP doesn't really care to open up about their innermost feelings, I really don't care to open up about all of the mental projects that I'm engaging in. I do a lot of brainstorming/scribbling and recording of ideas (lots of notepads and random papers floating around) and if someone were to get a hold of those and go through them, I would feel really, really exposed and naked.

If someone wants to talk about something I'm currently "thinking about"/pondering, I always love that. I'll talk about it with enthusiasm and continue to open up more according to how interested they seem, but it's very calculated. I'm not going to just bare it all. It's usually much too deep, complex, involves a ton of variables/inputs, etc. It would scare people away.

I think INFP's and INTP's are similar in this way. Our leading functions (Fi/Ti) would have us "hold something back" from others, keeping our innermost workings fairly private. And I think this has much to do with why other types feel that there's some sort of wall there or that they aren't quite seeing everything.

I don't think it's something for a potential mate to have anxiety over, it's just a matter of not really wanting to get into the complexity of it (because you likely won't understand all of it anyways), and also a feeling of possibly being judged for it. Plus, it's an introverted function for a reason - it just feels kind of strange/foreign having it exposed.

That was fascinating and explains a lot about Ti. I cant talk about Fi most of the time. Even just telling someone what I feel can make me choke up a little. What I think? -well I am like a little bunny leaving rabbit droppings everywhere I go....thought....thought.....thought.....

INTPs and I dont really connect-even though they like me. It's more mutual WTF that reaches the point of giggles and then we both just give up and accept each other, understanding we will never really understand.

ENTPs are much harder, as on the surface it looks like we are in lockstep. A layer deep and the whole thing goes to utter shit. I cant show most ENTPs any Fi, they collapse in on themselves. They say things like "how can you be so sweet?" and they like to touch it, perhaps novelty or curiosity at its strangeness, but once they realize it is not Fe, and it backed up by a fiery Te, they withdraw. It is unpredictable?

I still like ENTP women very much, and have a few ENTP male friends. However moving forward, I will likely consciously choose not to engage Ne style with new ENTPs IRL. The Fi rejection that always results is too painful to keep repeating. ENFPs already are weird, so to find someone you think understands you, then get shunned is really painful. This is likely me though.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
I just have a problem with approaching an ENTP female. She has a large 'mental penis' and tends to whack people with it if they make a logical error. Since I'm not a whiz with logic, it feels, much of the time, like I'm being whacked for no reason.

I'm wary because I don't know which way my approach would be taken. She also seems quite private about her own things. Maybe I should just dump my Fe out with compliments and see how she reels in shock :devil:

( If anyone has any advice/ideas/information for this sort of thing, let me know through PM)

My best friend since I was 10 was an INTP, we got to know each other because we were the oddballs in the class and liked to make stuff up. Where other kids would be on the playground playing tag, we would be in a secluded part, role-playing amusing things and turning reality into props for our imagination. Nowadays we do the same over the phone and play tabletop RPGs. There were times when things were rough for him (family in hard money times) and I wasn't very supportive, I feel guilty about that, but I wasn't very mature then. It didn't break our friendship at least.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Hmm if my one friend is an INTP like i believe he is...
We never dated, but trying to share thoughts and gain an understanding of each other was always clouded by his neglect of emotions and my abundance of them. I didn't have a good handle on my intensity, so i would combat all of his intense logic with this naive feeler craziness.
Also, i would hesitate to inquire about certain topics. I was thought to be more introverted than not back then. :laugh:

Since then i have control over my intensity and we will both listen to each other. I've also abandoned a lot of hesitation over the past few years and say/ask what i want to.
Can you think of any specifics that might be holding it back in your situation?
 
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
1,844
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INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
But, I must admit that just like an INFP doesn't really care to open up about their innermost feelings, I really don't care to open up about all of the mental projects that I'm engaging in. I do a lot of brainstorming/scribbling and recording of ideas (lots of notepads and random papers floating around) and if someone were to get a hold of those and go through them, I would feel really, really exposed and naked.

I think INFP's and INTP's are similar in this way. Our leading functions (Fi/Ti) would have us "hold something back" from others, keeping our innermost workings fairly private. And I think this has much to do with why other types feel that there's some sort of wall there or that they aren't quite seeing everything.

I don't think it's something for a potential mate to have anxiety over, it's just a matter of not really wanting to get into the complexity of it (because you likely won't understand all of it anyways), and also a feeling of possibly being judged for it. Plus, it's an introverted function for a reason - it just feels kind of strange/foreign having it exposed.

Thank you for posting this, it explains everything and with such clarity.
Agree with it all :).

On the actual topic I've never got to really know INTPs but I've seen two INTPs recently last month at a gathering but not enough to give any input.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
I find my experience to be along the lines of Lauren Ashley's post than Orangeappled's, in terms of my reactions to NFs. A tendency to be belligerent? Really? I find that to be very bizarre, as is the idea that INTPs can't help but just spew their emotions onto INFPs because of some sort of instant connection.

Not discounting your experience. Just saying it's puzzling and doesn't align with my own.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
ENTPs are much harder, as on the surface it looks like we are in lockstep. A layer deep and the whole thing goes to utter shit. I cant show most ENTPs any Fi, they collapse in on themselves. They say things like "how can you be so sweet?" and they like to touch it, perhaps novelty or curiosity at its strangeness, but once they realize it is not Fe, and it backed up by a fiery Te, they withdraw. It is unpredictable?

However moving forward, I will likely consciously choose not to engage Ne style with new ENTPs IRL. The Fi rejection that always results is too painful to keep repeating.

I think you should write more about this Happy Puppy! Like a blog just for this or a manual! I don't quite understand what you are referring to by how Fi seems to be the poison pill in your ENTP-ENFP interactions and what "Ne style" is.
 
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