[NF] What NF's look for in a potential mate

[wedekit]

Physical: Of course I would need to be sexually attracted to the person, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to have an awesome body and a flawless face. I prefer the classic look in guys. I would prefer a handsome face over a nice body. I typically like dark (black) hair and dark (tanned) skin. I like skinny guys. High cheekbones. Yeah...

Emotional: Oh man... I hope I am able to find someone that can fill this spot. I just need someone who genuinely cares about me. I know that if it is someone that I am in love with, I would probably go as far as to put their well-being before mine. I just need someone who will be just as selfless towards me as I am towards them. I'm "touchy", but not moody/emotional. I can only imagine the things I'll take personally with the person I love. I hope I don't screw my own relationship up. I hope they don't get too mad at me when I'm "empathing" them up.

Mental: I definitely need someone who likes the more academia side of life. Ideally, any NT would probably be perfect for me. ENTP's seem to be promising. I love theories and brainstorming ideas; someone who can appreciate my creativity would be amazing. I just find the weirdest patterns in life, and it would be nice to have an N who can understand what I am talking about.

 

[CzeCze]

LOL! Best answer ever. Marry me!

But Pinky, my dear -- what will poor Whatever think?

You are a cad!

Let's elope!

 

[sakuraba]

NFs can be so detached and optimistic when they are ready for "change", and they idealize other people so much... They can make ANYONE their "potential mate"


While NT's look for flaws in people, NF's look for what's good. They can see good in anyone.

Then a few months pass by and reality hits them. Back to square one.

 

[quietgirl]

NFs can be so detached and optimistic when they are ready for "change", and they idealize other people so much... They can make ANYONE their "potential mate"


While NT's look for flaws in people, NF's look for what's good. They can see good in anyone.

Then a few months pass by and reality hits them. Back to square one.

Ahh, sakuraba. You've just described the downfall of most of my past relationships. It's a blessing and a curse, really. An INTP ex of mine still mentions how I was the only person to "see through his hard exterior", which doesn't really matter to me because the hard exterior still bit me in the end.

 

[cascadeco]

While NT's look for flaws in people, NF's look for what's good. They can see good in anyone.

This has bitten me in the ass a few times. And then afterwards, I'll overcompensate and I might only focus on flaws for a time.

In addition (I think it's tied to this), in my eagerness to make 'connections' I look for things I might have in common with others, and I build relationships upon those commonalities, and focus on those. I then later on might realize that there are far more differences than similarities, so that the relationship in reality isn't even a good one, or a mutually positive one.

 

[quietgirl]

This has bitten me in the ass a few times. And then afterwards, I'll overcompensate and I might only focus on flaws for a time.

In addition (I think it's tied to this), in my eagerness to make 'connections' I look for things I might have in common with others, and I build relationships upon those commonalities, and focus on those. I then later on might realize that there are far more differences than similarities, so that the relationship in reality isn't even a good one, or a mutually positive one.

Same EXACT thing happens to me. I'll do the focusing on flaws thing for like a month.

In retrospect, I know I've gotten myself into bad relationships (and stayed in them) in the past because of my eagerness to connect.

 

[Domino]

Same here on the NT-hardness. I dismissed a lot of callous behavior from an eNTP I was deeply embroiled with because I knew without a doubt that he was practically on his knees for me (not that I put him there; I mean I knew he was mine -- that certain look and posture no matter what the mouth is belligerently saying), but he was such a hard hard character. I didn't want to believe he could be so authentically HARD. I told myself that I was being a "sensitive little girl".

I'd probably STILL be going around in circles with him now if he hadn't been dragged back into own society. We REALLY connected, had that unspoken sort of communication that people kill for. He set things off in my brain, pushed me to do better, needed my love to feel calm. But MAN, he was... difficult. And I was a mess myself. It was even odds on any given day that he would have his arms around me or I would be going over a table after him (sometimes both in the same day). Our relationship looked, from the outside, more like a kumite than a love match. But it was.

I consoled myself with the idea that he made everyone he loved nuts. God help his family.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

Wow. I can really relate to all the stuff being said, but I kind of tend to flip flop it when actual interest is going on. As a guard to that kind of behavior, I tend to focus on all the flaws first, and miss some really good stuff that peers it's head later.

Of course.. then after I've gone past both those levels and have my head happily up in the clouds, some further flaws I hadn't noticed in my thorough preliminary inspection will totally knock me down and break some of the trust I've built. X.x

 

[Domino]

Case in point: How do you think I missed/dismissed a hardcore NTP drug addict?

*shakes head*

My drive for holding on to the rare explosive connection/eye-to-eye understanding overrode my rational side. I know better now, but I still need people around me who aren't prone to that to haul me back.

 

[quietgirl]

Same here on the NT-hardness. I dismissed a lot of callous behavior from an eNTP I was deeply embroiled with because I knew without a doubt that he was practically on his knees for me (not that I put him there; I mean I knew he was mine -- that certain look and posture no matter what the mouth is belligerently saying), but he was such a hard hard character. I didn't want to believe he could be so authentically HARD. I told myself that I was being a "sensitive little girl".

I'd probably STILL be going around in circles with him now if he hadn't been dragged back into own society. We REALLY connected, had that unspoken sort of communication that people kill for. He set things off in my brain, pushed me to do better, needed my love to feel calm. But MAN, he was... difficult. And I was a mess myself. It was even odds on any given day that he would have his arms around me or I would be going over a table after him (sometimes both in the same day). Our relationship looked, from the outside, more like a kumite than a love match. But it was.

I consoled myself with the idea that he made everyone he loved nuts. God help his family.

Wow, you totally just described my relationship with the INTP. If I hadn't moved across the country, I probably would still be going around and around in circles. Sometimes when I look back, I think the lack of emotion made my emotions overcompensate & that is ultimately what drained me in the relationship.

 

[Domino]

Wow, you totally just described my relationship with the INTP. If I hadn't moved across the country, I probably would still be going around and around in circles. Sometimes when I look back, I think the lack of emotion made my emotions overcompensate & that is ultimately what drained me in the relationship.

I'm just sorry you can relate to ANY of what I said. (except for the NTP-NFJ brain madness part... that was like crack cocaine... hence why I can't be left to my own devices with them sometimes)

 

[Domino]

But Pinky, my dear -- what will poor Whatever think?

You are a cad!

Let's elope!

*wiggles eyebrows at you caddishly* Whatever is married to my sister! I'm free! FREE!!

 

[wolfmaiden14]

Case in point: How do you think I missed/dismissed a hardcore NTP drug addict?

*shakes head*

My drive for holding on to the rare explosive connection/eye-to-eye understanding overrode my rational side. I know better now, but I still need people around me who aren't prone to that to haul me back.

Then, of course, you have the NFJ "But I can make it all better!" drive drawing you even closer. o.x

 

[MJ_]

I see the good in people. And that is what gets me hurt. So I'm cautious.

 

[Domino]

Then, of course, you have the NFJ "But I can make it all better!" drive drawing you even closer. o.x

Oh. Yes. THAT. "I can make it better... I can merge with you and you know it... you don't scare me... you do scare me... strangle/kiss/world ends in ball of fire".

As my sister says: NFJs are generous maladjusted freak-monkeys. (She says that lovingly of course.)

 

[Domino]

I see the good in people. And that is what gets me hurt. So I'm cautious.

Welcome to the club.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

I see the good in people. And that is what gets me hurt. So I'm cautious.

Wonderfully concise. I agree.

As my sister says: NFJs are generous maladjusted freak-monkeys.

:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[CzeCze]

*wiggles eyebrows at you caddishly* Whatever is married to my sister! I'm free! FREE!!

Hahaha -- what will poor Edahn think?

Maybe he'll spam you even more and you'll become a rep superstar!

 

[Domino]

He's already sent me "negative" feedback (read: his pitiful attempts to cover up his consumptive burning passion for me //heavy sarcasm alert//). I was very diplomatic. I merely smiled and sent a message back informing him that I had traded all of his clothes to the Inuits for valuable walrus hides and glass beads.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

He's already sent me "negative" feedback (read: his pitiful attempts to cover up his consumptive burning passion for me //heavy sarcasm alert//). I was very diplomatic. I merely smiled and sent a message back informing him that I had traded all of his clothes to the Inuits for valuable walrus hides and glass beads.

For a moment, I had thought that said "Intuits", and I wondered if there was some tribe of extremely Intuitive people. Extremely Intuitive people that have walrus skins.