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  1. #1
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Default xNFJs - Stress Translation

    I had a very stressful episode a few days ago.

    It was of a nature that I deeply internalized and could NOT objectify. When it's really bad, internal trauma that's close to the worst, I shut down. I stop speaking. Not because I choose not to speak, but because I can't speak. My ability to communicate goes away. I become entirely passive to whatever is happening around me. I can feel nothing. I shut down like my INFJ father when the news is really bad.

    I only shut down like this when something really really bad has hit me right between the eyes. No time to defend myself. No time to brace. Even so, any action would be futile. It's of a certain nature - I'm going to shut down, regardless. It's like all the fuses blow at once and the whole house goes as dark and dead as a mausoleum.

    My ENFP sister, having seen this a few times with me over the years, just puts her arms around me and hugs me, or just sits next to me quietly patting me. She knows I can't resurface willfully. I have to ride it out.

    I react with silence. Then, slowly silence turns into some action when I'm starting to come back to life. Yesterday, I practically vacuumed the entire house.

    Misery translates into angrily squeezing my environment until it chokes. Extreme misery translates into me washing out, turning into a ghost.

    Can any other NFJs share?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #2
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear this happened to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    It's of a certain nature - I'm going to shut down, regardless. It's like all the fuses blow at once and the whole house goes as dark and dead as a mausoleum.
    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Extreme misery translates into me washing out, turning into a ghost.
    That is a compelling description. These two statements resonate the most for me. This becomes especially true in the presence of the person who caused the pain, but also can have a lingering effect is continually haunting.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  3. #3
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    First of all I'm sorry to hear that.

    Secondly, yes to the above. When really awful things happen to me with no warning, I stop. Everything about me stops, my speech, my vision, my movement. Everything is frozen. Sometimes it only lasts for a second, and I'm able to jump into damage control mode pretty quickly. Other times last for a longer period.

    I hope everything is better.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I am sorry to hear this happened to you.

    That is a compelling description. These two statements resonate the most for me. This becomes especially true in the presence of the person who caused the pain, but also can have a lingering effect is continually haunting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lux View Post
    First of all I'm sorry to hear that.

    Secondly, yes to the above. When really awful things happen to me with no warning, I stop. Everything about me stops, my speech, my vision, my movement. Everything is frozen. Sometimes it only lasts for a second, and I'm able to jump into damage control mode pretty quickly. Other times last for a longer period.

    I hope everything is better.
    How do you both cope with that level of going into shock? What do you do?

    I respond both to emotional and physical tidal waves the same way. When I was in the hospital, I became incredibly passive because I was under so much stress I couldn't be "present" for any of it. It was important that I had my ESFP best friend there - she defended me and held onto me because I was no longer there and needed someone to call the shots.

    I respond to horrible news this way too. It's lights out.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #5
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Exactly as you described. I either shut down, or I go temporarily insane, screaming in helplessness at whoever will listen. Usually that's my SJ parents who have no clue. So mostly I've just accepted it, and moved forward.
    Love is the point.

  6. #6
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    If I immediately get angry or cry, I have a chance. If not, I have no other option but to ride the ghost ship.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #7
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    How do you both cope with that level of going into shock? What do you do?
    I don't know if I can say I reached the same level of shut-down. The kind of shut-down I have usually involves losing the ability to eat without forcing myself. I tend to crave being alone, and at one point would rent a cabin on the weekend where I could cry for hours because I couldn't when the people were around, but I could when alone. One experience I couldn't feel pain, but just a dull ache and didn't want to get out of bed while the distressing event was occurring. Sometimes I will tend to get cold and analytical shutting down any sympathy for myself.

    Sometimes complete sensory deprivation helps. I will lay in a tub of warm water with the lights completely out, even covering any cracks around the door. It is best if there are no sounds or smells of bath oils. If I can't even see my hand in front of my face it is also a kind of relief.

    At other times finding a location in the forest, or on a backyard swing where I can just sit in stillness and let myself dissolve into the surroundings brings relief. I might lay against a tree, or sit on one of its branches, close my eyes, feel the bark against me, and start to imagine I am the tree and what it is like to be so still for so long and to feel the leaves grow, and then break away and fall, but then come back again.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Can any other NFJs share?
    Heh, yeah. The story of my life. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this.

  9. #9
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    How do you both cope with that level of going into shock? What do you do?
    For me, an extreme level of stress has only happened a few times. And I go into retreat mode. I don't want to have anything to do with people. I just need to be alone and work out everything in mind myself. I get lost in music, I get lost in books, and I find writing helps me a lot. More than anything though, the solitude helps. It allows me to work out everything without anyone judging me.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  10. #10
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    If I immediately get angry or cry, I have a chance. If not, I have no other option but to ride the ghost ship.
    God, I am so glad you posted this. I was sincerely planning on bringing this up because I have been dealing with this on & off all year and I really wish I had some magical formula to get through it faster.

    Everything you said, everything, rings true for me.

    I have been in & out of this for days now. With loss or fear (when I feel powerless in a situation) it just stays until there is some external change, and the moments of interaction and good feelings or responses out of me are just distractions that fade as quickly as they came and leave me aware that I'm still feeling this "ghostly." Its extremely frustrating. I have zero control over my Fi - Ni loop, zero.
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

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