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  1. #1
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Default EN-Fe -- A Request for Advice

    I've had more than one Fi-user lately express to me how much they hate Fe as a dominant function. One of them even accused me of being Te from a feeling angle. ( )

    When I hear that, I associate it with selfishness, and getting mine at any cost. I know I used to be very selfish. I think I've pushed myself far enough away from that to where I'm comfortable with myself, but sometimes I have to check myself before I wreck myself in the eyes of others.

    I'm not asking for a value judgement here, but I need some help recognizing what a good, mature Fe-user looks like. I've never an ENFJ older than me that I considered particularly mature (hell, I only met one, and he was still stuck in the dark-ages of still needing things his way).

    Do any of you have any thoughts or experiences that might be helpful?
    Love is the point.

  2. #2
    Glycerine
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    Positive, honest, helpful but knows when to back off, doesn't take himself too serious (very humble), knows have to have fun but also knows the boundaries, and possesses a genuine aura. I think I may have had a couple older male ENFJ teachers. They seemed to be wonderful individuals that most students gravitated towards. Not to be creepy but I aspire to possess some of these traits as I mature.

    EDIT: Fuzzcrossed, I could totally see you as being described like that from the vibe and presence I get from your posts.

    I think Fe can be a wonderful asset in mature individuals so I bet you a million dollars that those Fi-doms have only met average to sub-par Fe users.

  3. #3
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Able to set forth the advice without feeling compelled to make it happen.

  4. #4
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Able to set forth the advice without feeling compelled to make it happen.
    And also to not take others' advice as criticism.

  5. #5
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    There's a lot of threads about ENFJs that you could benefit from like the 'Frustrated ENFJ' thread or some other ones around the NF Idyllic.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  6. #6
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    I just feel like sometimes I scare people with Fe. Totally unintentionally. Ironically, the same function that accomplishes this is also the part of my personality that needs people the most; to include me, to care about me.

    I feel so...isolated sometimes.
    Love is the point.

  7. #7
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Isn't an ENFJ but the Fe Dom ESFJ I know is:

    Friendly, fun to be around, keeps in touch with people and remembers things that are important to them, gets pure enjoyment out of helping others, tries to avoid conflict by confronting differences in an understanding and compassionate way, loves meeting and learning about new people, wants to hear people talk about things that are going on in their life or happened in their past, loves bouncing ideas off others and values all input, is willing to accept differences in others, doesn't think twice before doing some random acts of kindness as she genuinely enjoys other people's happiness, wants to understand so takes her time when other people explain things, committed to personal growth and generally a great big ball of friendly-happy-chatty energy.

    Most of all, she's mature.

  8. #8
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    I just feel like sometimes I scare people with Fe. Totally unintentionally. Ironically, the same function that accomplishes this is also the part of my personality that needs people the most; to include me, to care about me.

    I feel so...isolated sometimes.
    I think your Fe is warm and honest. I think it comes down to the person and the intentions behind them. You value peace and harmony, and just speaking with you in small chunks it is obvious that you are kind. Not just the gentleness that I person might show with something like Fi, but the kindness that reaches out to others in an Fe way.

    Are people mistrusting of it?
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  9. #9
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    One thing I've learned from Fi users is that sometimes, when you're really down, what you really want to hear is a genuine "I'm so sorry that happened. Would some ice cream help?", and not "That person is totally wrong and mean to you. You should stay way from them from now on."

    As an Fe user myself, sometimes I find it hard not to try to 'fix' things. I think the trick is trying to figure out whether they need advice or empathy at the moment. If it's empathy they need, advice would only make them feel worse about themselves.

  10. #10
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    ^ True. I think this is good advice when dealing with most people, not just Fi users. Add an, "Is there anything I can do to help?" and then find out what the person's needs are and then give them what they need (a listening ear and validation) instead of what you think they should have (e.g. copious advice). Good insight 21%.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

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