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  1. #1
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Default any NF's on Nursing...

    I am emotionally and physically exhausted from nursing after 6 years.
    It has taken the life and joy out of me... I no longer care about the things I do, or feel like I am even living my own life. I am sooo tired and burnt out.
    I resent people who have needs etc. And I don't want to be social.
    I read about caregiver burnout syndrome. I am pretty sure I have it.
    Any other people have similar experience? I can't go back, please don't make me! I am so insecure about money, that I didn't go for what I was good at, and this economy sucks! I have little motivation to find something else...
    STUCK!!!

  2. #2
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Have you heard of compassion fatigue?

    ETA: Yes, you have. I'll write more later.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    My SO (ISFJ) had a bad case of caregiver burnout. She was a nurse for over 25 years ... then went back to school to become a nurse practitioner. Now she's burnt out on all the paperwork that comes with her new job. She's depressed and agrumentative a lot because of work, but doesn't want to transition to anything else because the medical field is in such demand. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to impart, but I'm afraid I don't have a solution Hang in there.

  4. #4
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    I talked to a therapist at the hospital a while back and she said that I should quit. I did quit but came back... in a different setting. I was working so hard, and so stressed out, 12 hour night shifts in the hospital, school, an un planned pregnancy, severe migraines, and my boyfriend leaving me all at the same time, I started taking prescribed muscle relaxants (didnt know I was pregnant) that I actually got into a car accident, on the highway, and nearly killed myself, and 5 other people.

    I think working in that healthcare, in the medical profession, is so stressful to me, and also combined with those other factors though, ultimately led me to crash, literally.

    Working in homehealth care is easier, but it is still tolling. I had tried a lot of avenues. My last is education. I would have to go back and get more schooling though. Right now I dont want to think about it.

    It is to the point of me not being able to take care of myself anymore, or want to get out of bed.

    I bet it does help if you have a supportive partner, mine, just wasn't there for me emotionally. A very cold ISTJ, was with him for 5 years...

    The irony in all this is now, he is a nurse.
    He threw in his engineering cap for a nurse hat. He see's that nursing is practical, stable and makes money such as common wisdom tells us, so now he is an LPN, in a nursing home.

    Don't worry we don't work together, we used to though...for a coupple months

  5. #5
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    I talked to a therapist at the hospital a while back and she said that I should quit. I did quit but came back... in a different setting. I was working so hard, and so stressed out, 12 hour night shifts in the hospital, school, an un planned pregnancy, severe migraines, and my boyfriend leaving me all at the same time, I started taking prescribed muscle relaxants (didnt know I was pregnant) that I actually got into a car accident, on the highway, and nearly killed myself, and 5 other people.

    I think working in that healthcare, in the medical profession, is so stressful to me, and also combined with those other factors though, ultimately led me to crash, literally.

    Working in homehealth care is easier, but it is still tolling. I had tried a lot of avenues. My last is education. I would have to go back and get more schooling though. Right now I dont want to think about it.

    It is to the point of me not being able to take care of myself anymore, or want to get out of bed.

    I bet it does help if you have a supportive partner, mine, just wasn't there for me emotionally. A very cold ISTJ, was with him for 5 years...

    The irony in all this is now, he is a nurse.
    He threw in his engineering cap for a nurse hat. He see's that nursing is practical, stable and makes money such as common wisdom tells us, so now he is an LPN, in a nursing home.

    Don't worry we don't work together, we used to though...for a coupple months
    I've basically lived in various hospitals during 2009 and these are my observations.

    While nearly all of the nurses that we've come into contact with have been quite sympathetic, there is most definitely a detachment there that I think is necessary in order to do that kind of job. This was especially pronounced in the skilled nursing facility my mother was at. From what I could see, there was not adequate support given to nurses for their emotional and mental health, at the facility we went to, each nurse had at least 12 patients and there were never more than 5 or so CNAs on duty. There were overworked, few resources (had to ration out ABD pads and saline solution!) poor structure and administration, and turnover was very high. I saw quite a few nurses start arguing with each other in front of us because of tensions.

    When we transitioned my mother to home healthcare, the nurse basically showed up twice a week, slapped a bandage on, stuck a thermometer in my mother's mouth, and asked us to sign that he'd come for the day. There was even more detachment (sometimes he wouldn't even take off his coat!) and complete disrespect for my mother's condition and our situation.

    I've found that hospice nurses have been the most caring and have the most critical thinking skills.

    I think that when the nurse is the case manager, social worker, and nurse that puts a very heavy load on the nurse in question. What mechanisms does your organization have for caring for their nurses, nurse techs, and CNAs? Do you all have a way to talk about your grievances and feel like they will are recognized, understood, and proactively rectified? Saying just quit your job will alleviate some immediate stress but that doesn't make the compassion fatigue go away. Some people even refer to compassion fatigue as secondary PTSD. I know that nurses have to work 12-hour shifts for continuity of care, but when you have so many patients I'm not sure how they can keep all those people straight!

    Compassion Fatigue Syndrome: What is It? Do You Have It? - Nursing Link This is a good lecture on compassion fatigue. I found it very informational.

    Personally, I can say that if you as a nurse feel the way I do watching my mother suffer the way she is, I can only imagine what type of mental and emotional buffers and boundaries you and those who do this as an occupation have to erect in order to stay aboveboard. I have nothing but complete and total respect for you all. I mean to wipe the feces, urine, and other bodily fluids from a stranger, feed them, clothe them, deal with their anger, anxiety and pain. It's a lot.

    I'm pretty sure I have compassion fatigue and it's difficult to deal with. The people who I've spoken to about this have their loved one die rather quickly and not something dragged out over a year so they don't quite understand, to watch a formerly vibrant person downward spiral into dementia and a bedridden invalid. And what makes it worse is they're not unaware, they understand and know what's happening to them. My mother has apologized for being a burden on us and we have to tell her that she's not a burden, we love her, we'd do anything for her. It's very heartbreaking. I'm just stuffing until we emerge.

    I am curious why you aimed this at NFs though. I must say, I think most of the people who do this are SFs...are you looking for a uniquely NF perspective on this? What do you think would differ in getting an NF perspective? I hope I'm not going to drag something in this that has nothing to do with the discussion (well I am and but I'm doing it) I find more nobility of purpose in the people who are the so-called boots on the ground, who actually come into contact with the patients instead of abstractly feeling their pain from afar. I hear a lot of talk about empathy on this section of the forum, but I don't see very much of it. I think there's something to be said of tangibly immersing yourself in such experiences, there's a knowledge and perspective that you obtain that just looking at it and theoretically thinking about it pales in comparison.

    I think you're going through it now and you see how hard it is to touch it and be in it rather than just looking at it. It's tough not to crack, I've seen people crack and it's not easy or pretty and you feel like you're the weakest link when everyone is trying hard and honestly moving towards the same goal and breaking is the difference between life and death.

    Since people don't really talk to each other about this, no one really knows how anyone else is feeling and miss out on the comfort and peace the comes with not going through something like this alone. I know that I've gotten so angry and frustrated with myself and members of my family. We yell and argue then apologize to each other after it's over because there needs to be a release valve. No one, has told us or given us methods for successfully navigating though this time, nobody gets into the nitty gritty of this. I know because I've looked and looked. I mean if you don't want to dope your loved one up on lorazepam, clonazepam or other anti-psychotics or anti-anxiety meds how are you to deal? My mother takes swings at us, bit us, cursed us out, kicked and scratched. Is the only alternative to artificially sedate them into placid acceptance? And like I said, many patients oftentimes know and understand what's going on and they resist and are not passive. I just don't view that quality of life. It's like being comatose until you die, there's no dealing with anything. Your learn a lot of patience and keep in mind this is someone you love and basically we have to ride it out, with the sad realization this is not permanent. It's a hard balance, caring for yourself so you can still be functional and still caring for your loved one or patients.

    I think this was just as much of a rant for me, but I do feel what you're saying. Believe me I do.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #6
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    Oh man

    I'm working on a software package, in conjunction with our College of Nursing, to help nurses track staffing decisions and conditions of their units.

    I love that I'm helping nurses and their patients, and I like involving nurse managers in our design and getting input from them, but that's about the closest I can get to actual nursing.. just way too stressful overall. As far as nursing is concerned, I'm sticking to the research side of things.

    Soo.. hopefully I can make some of your lives easier..? One can only hope..

  7. #7
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I've basically lived in various hospitals during 2009 and these are my observations.


    Since people don't really talk to each other about this, no one really knows how anyone else is feeling and miss out on the comfort and peace the comes with not going through something like this alone. I know that I've gotten so angry and frustrated with myself and members of my family. We yell and argue then apologize to each other after it's over because there needs to be a release valve. No one, has told us or given us methods for successfully navigating though this time, nobody gets into the nitty gritty of this. I know because I've looked and looked. I mean if you don't want to dope your loved one up on lorazepam, clonazepam or other anti-psychotics or anti-anxiety meds how are you to deal? My mother takes swings at us, bit us, cursed us out, kicked and scratched. Is the only alternative to artificially sedate them into placid acceptance? And like I said, many patients oftentimes know and understand what's going on and they resist and are not passive. I just don't view that quality of life. It's like being comatose until you die, there's no dealing with anything. Your learn a lot of patience and keep in mind this is someone you love and basically we have to ride it out, with the sad realization this is not permanent. It's a hard balance, caring for yourself so you can still be functional and still caring for your loved one or patients.

    I think this was just as much of a rant for me, but I do feel what you're saying. Believe me I do.
    Yes, so you have it too.
    Sorry to hear about your mother, that must be very painful for you
    I worked with Dementia patients and I enjoyed most of it. Some were very combative, and I had a few incidents spit on, clawed, smeared with feces, bitten, kicked, stabbed with a fork, (That was before I developed quick reflexes) and not to mention being called every name in the book. I am sure you are familiar...
    And witnessed a few things by other nurses and nurse aides in the shower room that I will never talk about, ever. It caused me to start taking benzos myself. It was a lot like PTSD. That shower room I guess. So I become like the very zombie you are describing. I was chipper when I started but I have to get the out before it kills me, Ive decided. Its not meant for me. Good night.

    (edit: there are good nurses out there, and the place I was at, I was good, I just was left alone and when something went wrong, the managent put all the guilt on me.. the families do that too... it sucks there is so much pressure to be perfect, when you cant take care of them all............................................... .................................................. ...............

  8. #8
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I can easily see this happening to me..

    As an ENFP speaking for only this particular ENFP, I try to put a piece of myself into everything I do. I see no point in doing it if I don't want to put my effort into it.. in doing so.. sometimes I stretch myself too thin. I put too many pieces in scattered areas, and I forgot that I, too, need pieces of myself just for myself.

    Mayhap transition in the medical field to something less strenuous? Something with more vacation days or whatnot? Or maybe working part-time?(I don't know if that's feasible financially..) .. I can say that the jobs that exhausted me.. I never got better with them. I ended up needing to leave.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member mr.awesome's Avatar
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    ive done housekeeping/ babysitting on and off for a few years.. not enough of a constant to burn me out.. but dear lord do toddlers test my patience :[
    i feel like crap, its my sisters kids, and when i have to watch them i just cant deal. ill put up with them and im okay with them. i just feel.. so empty inside. its like i know im a terrible uncle because i suck at interacting with them. and i cant pretend to be someone else even around small children. i just feel really bad for being so terrible with them.. and i go into withdrawal from everyone for a day or two.
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  10. #10
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    I don't think that it will matter what you do and how you may tell yourself that you will not get attached and that you will only put as little as possible into it. I think enfps just get burnt out, think it's b/c we are all or nothing type of ppl. I also think that being around ppl all the time in an emotional capacity makes us 'feel' more, like there is some sort of heightened sense of feeling and emotions that can be overwhelming. And if you have no place to retreat to or to hide away or just relax it's even worse....

    As an enfp I find parenting to be exhausting, just always on and the need to just run and hide is huge, too bad my hubby doesn't understand.... Sounds like your SO just didn't understand either *hugs*
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
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