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  1. #1
    Senior Member Two Point Two's Avatar
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    Default I don't get INFJ functions.

    I just don't get them.

    How is there an IN, and further, an aloof INxJ, that uses auxiliary Fe? For whom Fe is a first backup option?

    My understanding of Fe is that it's about relating to people and responding to them and to their emotions, it's caring about people, sympathising, understanding how they work, interacting with them, socialising, for want of a better word. I've seen it described as 'hosting'. Moreso than Fi, it orients your attention toward people, and the first thing you see when decision making will be the potential consequences a choice will have on people.

    I'm having difficulty assimilating this with my idea of INFJs - based on little, if any, experience with the real thing, I'll admit. They seem like...they're detached from reality, and aloof, like INTJs, but they're (and this may sound very silly) serene and mystical and visionary, and also very rational. I can see Ni and plenty of Ti, and maybe Fi, maybe even Te, but I don't know about Fe.

    Can someone in the know please explain INFJ Fe?

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Contrary to how it might seem on the outside, INFJs feel a lot, and very fiercely and deeply. Fe seeks to connect. However, being introverts, INFJs don't have that much energy to do so. I certainly don't. I get exhausted if I get too engaged with people, because I will start to feel too much, and it's overwhelming. The only way to cope is to keep most relationships at a comfortable distance, where I don't have to care too much about them. It may sound selfish, but I only truly care about some (very few) individuals. The rest is kept at the other side of the barrier. It takes a very special person (and a very long time) to get past that barrier.

    But once you're in, you'll be loved to bits

  3. #3
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    First vibe I get from INFJs varies from cool to normal... then I get to know them better and realize how strange they are
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Contrary to how it might seem on the outside, INFJs feel a lot, and very fiercely and deeply. Fe seeks to connect. However, being introverts, INFJs don't have that much energy to do so. I certainly don't. I get exhausted if I get too engaged with people, because I will start to feel too much, and it's overwhelming. The only way to cope is to keep most relationships at a comfortable distance, where I don't have to care too much about them. It may sound selfish, but I only truly care about some (very few) individuals. The rest is kept at the other side of the barrier. It takes a very special person (and a very long time) to get past that barrier.

    But once you're in, you'll be loved to bits
    Yes, agreed.

    The thing about "getting past the barrier", though, is that even when the other person thinks that they're in, well, they're not. Not really in a way that I know can be possible. And that, indeed, takes a very long time.

    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    First vibe I get from INFJs varies from cool to normal... then I get to know them better and realize how strange they are

  5. #5
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    It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.

  6. #6
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.
    This is a very good point. Very well said! I guess I feel something akin to that on my calmer days, when things in life are secure and safe, when I feel I have it all under control, when I can just look out into the world and feel on my skin the sad, serene air that connects me to all other human beings.

    But when life isn't all that stable, I feel all these turbulent emotions within me, questioning, raging, laughing and weeping. The 'intense emotional awareness of the world' just makes me feel small and helpless. I feel their pain, but there is no way I can ever save them. There is nothing I can do that will make all life better. So I just reach out the best I can to this small group of people around me who matter the most and try to help each other through the cruel, cold reality.

    I don't know if the fact that I'm an enneagram 4 (sp/sx, I think) also affects this. Maybe enneagram 9s feel this sense of calm all the time. If that's the case, I slightly envy them. Or maybe it just happens when you grow older and become more mature. I'm at a point in life where nothing feels certain yet, but the possibilities are closing down like hard cold irons...

  7. #7
    Member Goodewitch's Avatar
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    Think of the swan analogy Two point Two,.. all calm and serene on the surface, but underneath the water line, where you cant see, our little Fe legs are going twenty to the dozen.
    As an INFJ (not going to use the royal 'we' here'.. as I cant speak for all INFj's, I am very introverted, and enneagram 5w4 so Im aloof and detached, but that auxhilary Fe is feeding me information at all times, every nuance of someones emotional range every ripple in the atmosphere.. believe me, I would rather not have it, as I try to fight against reaching out.. I'd rather be totally cocooned in my own little world, but when someone registers really high on my Fe radar, in need of help, or comfort etc,.. its like an early morning alarm call. You dont wanna, but you just have to respond.
    If I'm in a more expansive mood, or feeling a little gregarious, ( a very rare happening) and kinder than my normal grumpy self, I'll turn up the Fe dial a bit more, and deliberately use it to sniff out stuff.
    Otherwise, its like a an essential, but hidden application on a dashboard, its always there, feeding me info, filtering through Ni, so used to it am I, that I barely even think consciously about the constant signals it sends, and just respond automatically to 'distress signals', usually with a heavy inward sigh, and a 'to the rescue' type mentality, reluctant, but automatically motivated to do so.
    Gx
    My INFJ license is regulary revoked,.. I am a sometime refugee in the INTJ holding centre.

  8. #8
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.
    I also say it's a good observation.
    It highlights the "directiveness" of Ni. Directive is not just literal issuing of "directions", but a general lowness in what is called "responsiveness" to people, and instead more of a focus on tasks. When Fe is paired with Si, then it will be more responding to any situation by shedding tears or "ooh-aahing" towards pain and joy in the world (referencing past memories of joy and pain).
    So a people-responding Fe, combined with task-focused Ni will make the type very hybrid in responsiveness.
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  9. #9
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    This might be retread, but this is how my Fe works: When I'm in a group of people, I'm very conscious how my behavior or preferences affect the group. I don't want to annoy, anger, etc. If I'm asked my preference, I'd rather do what the group wants to do because that seems more important than the group doing what I want.

    When it comes to dealing with emotional problems, there are two distinct groups: just general people and people I'm close to/want to be close to. What each group has access to is vastly different.

    With general people, I'm withdrawn until they bring up a problem or display some kind of emotion. At that point, I love nothing more than to talk about the problem and help them work through it if I can. It kind of ends there with me, though. With people I'm close to, I feel a deep need to know what's going on in their lives. I almost yearn to know their emotional state from day-to-day. I'm more likely to bring up subjects and ask point-blank questions about how they feel about something. Strangers don't get that from me.

    Also, it takes me a long time to own up to how much I care about the emotional welfare of a person. It's intense inside, but I downplay it as much as I can on the outside until I know they care about me that much or they're okay with me caring about them that much.

    So, all in all, from my experience, it's hard to gauge INFJs' Fe from an outside perspective. We seem to feel it deeply and display it subtly until we're comfortable displaying it overtly.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    My Fe usually expresses itself in being aware of what unspoken vibes are floating around among the different people that I am talking to. I think it is one of the reasons that I find socializing in a large group of people I don't know well more difficult, because it takes more effort to interpret what I am seeing and there is more stimuli to juggle all at once.

    Fe allows me when I am teaching to see when I have lost my audience, judge what's appropriate to say, and feel the individual reactions of each person I focus on as I speak.

    Sometimes I am over-sensitive to other people's reactions and am reluctant to fully express my opinions when I should because I can see when there is even a hint of hesitation, disagreement or whatever else.

    Fe is also something that allows me to better connect with people on a personal level and puts a higher priority on remembering things that matter to them, how they feel, and what they are interested in.

    Depending on the situation too, it makes it hard for me to prioritize where I should spend my time and efforts, as I tend to respond to what I see closest to me as the most urgent.

    From what I've seen, I would agree that Fe filtered through Ni can make it look very diferent even if it is coming from the same INFJ personality type.

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