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[Fe] I don't get INFJ functions.

Two Point Two

New member
Joined
Dec 10, 2008
Messages
200
MBTI Type
INTJ
I just don't get them.

How is there an IN, and further, an aloof INxJ, that uses auxiliary Fe? For whom Fe is a first backup option?

My understanding of Fe is that it's about relating to people and responding to them and to their emotions, it's caring about people, sympathising, understanding how they work, interacting with them, socialising, for want of a better word. I've seen it described as 'hosting'. Moreso than Fi, it orients your attention toward people, and the first thing you see when decision making will be the potential consequences a choice will have on people.

I'm having difficulty assimilating this with my idea of INFJs - based on little, if any, experience with the real thing, I'll admit. They seem like...they're detached from reality, and aloof, like INTJs, but they're (and this may sound very silly) serene and mystical and visionary, and also very rational. I can see Ni and plenty of Ti, and maybe Fi, maybe even Te, but I don't know about Fe.

Can someone in the know please explain INFJ Fe? :huh:
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
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3,224
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INFJ
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4w5
Contrary to how it might seem on the outside, INFJs feel a lot, and very fiercely and deeply. Fe seeks to connect. However, being introverts, INFJs don't have that much energy to do so. I certainly don't. I get exhausted if I get too engaged with people, because I will start to feel too much, and it's overwhelming. The only way to cope is to keep most relationships at a comfortable distance, where I don't have to care too much about them. It may sound selfish, but I only truly care about some (very few) individuals. The rest is kept at the other side of the barrier. It takes a very special person (and a very long time) to get past that barrier.

But once you're in, you'll be loved to bits :hug:
 

Asterion

Ruler of the Stars
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2,331
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sp/sx
First vibe I get from INFJs varies from cool to normal... then I get to know them better and realize how strange they are :alttongue:
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
Contrary to how it might seem on the outside, INFJs feel a lot, and very fiercely and deeply. Fe seeks to connect. However, being introverts, INFJs don't have that much energy to do so. I certainly don't. I get exhausted if I get too engaged with people, because I will start to feel too much, and it's overwhelming. The only way to cope is to keep most relationships at a comfortable distance, where I don't have to care too much about them. It may sound selfish, but I only truly care about some (very few) individuals. The rest is kept at the other side of the barrier. It takes a very special person (and a very long time) to get past that barrier.

But once you're in, you'll be loved to bits :hug:

Yes, agreed.

The thing about "getting past the barrier", though, is that even when the other person thinks that they're in, well, they're not. Not really in a way that I know can be possible. And that, indeed, takes a very long time.

First vibe I get from INFJs varies from cool to normal... then I get to know them better and realize how strange they are :alttongue:

:tongue10: :laugh:
 

Lily Bart

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
136
MBTI Type
INFP
It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.
 

21%

You have a choice!
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4w5
It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.

This is a very good point. Very well said! I guess I feel something akin to that on my calmer days, when things in life are secure and safe, when I feel I have it all under control, when I can just look out into the world and feel on my skin the sad, serene air that connects me to all other human beings.

But when life isn't all that stable, I feel all these turbulent emotions within me, questioning, raging, laughing and weeping. The 'intense emotional awareness of the world' just makes me feel small and helpless. I feel their pain, but there is no way I can ever save them. There is nothing I can do that will make all life better. So I just reach out the best I can to this small group of people around me who matter the most and try to help each other through the cruel, cold reality.

I don't know if the fact that I'm an enneagram 4 (sp/sx, I think) also affects this. Maybe enneagram 9s feel this sense of calm all the time. If that's the case, I slightly envy them. Or maybe it just happens when you grow older and become more mature. I'm at a point in life where nothing feels certain yet, but the possibilities are closing down like hard cold irons...
 

Goodewitch

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Oct 4, 2009
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55
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INFJ
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5w4
Think of the swan analogy Two point Two,.. all calm and serene on the surface, but underneath the water line, where you cant see, our little Fe legs are going twenty to the dozen.
As an INFJ (not going to use the royal 'we' here'.. as I cant speak for all INFj's, I am very introverted, and enneagram 5w4 so Im aloof and detached, but that auxhilary Fe is feeding me information at all times, every nuance of someones emotional range every ripple in the atmosphere.. believe me, I would rather not have it, as I try to fight against reaching out.. I'd rather be totally cocooned in my own little world, but when someone registers really high on my Fe radar, in need of help, or comfort etc,.. its like an early morning alarm call. You dont wanna, but you just have to respond.
If I'm in a more expansive mood, or feeling a little gregarious, ( a very rare happening) and kinder than my normal grumpy self, I'll turn up the Fe dial a bit more, and deliberately use it to sniff out stuff.
Otherwise, its like a an essential, but hidden application on a dashboard, its always there, feeding me info, filtering through Ni, so used to it am I, that I barely even think consciously about the constant signals it sends, and just respond automatically to 'distress signals', usually with a heavy inward sigh, and a 'to the rescue' type mentality, reluctant, but automatically motivated to do so.
Gx
 

Eric B

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It's not that INFJ's don't care, or withdraw out of a need for self-preservation (although this can happen) -- it's more that intense emotional awareness of the world (both outer and inner) creates a sense of perspective that means you aren't in tears over every single little pang of difficulty in a casual acquaintance's day and you aren't out-of-control ooohing and ahhhing over every piece of sentimentality you run into. (I'm exaggerating, of course.) There is real suffering in the world and honest joy, and as for the rest, calm may be the best reaction when everyone else is out of control. INFJ can best understand the power of quiet and time.
I also say it's a good observation.
It highlights the "directiveness" of Ni. Directive is not just literal issuing of "directions", but a general lowness in what is called "responsiveness" to people, and instead more of a focus on tasks. When Fe is paired with Si, then it will be more responding to any situation by shedding tears or "ooh-aahing" towards pain and joy in the world (referencing past memories of joy and pain).
So a people-responding Fe, combined with task-focused Ni will make the type very hybrid in responsiveness.
 

istina

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Jun 8, 2009
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22
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INFJ
This might be retread, but this is how my Fe works: When I'm in a group of people, I'm very conscious how my behavior or preferences affect the group. I don't want to annoy, anger, etc. If I'm asked my preference, I'd rather do what the group wants to do because that seems more important than the group doing what I want.

When it comes to dealing with emotional problems, there are two distinct groups: just general people and people I'm close to/want to be close to. What each group has access to is vastly different.

With general people, I'm withdrawn until they bring up a problem or display some kind of emotion. At that point, I love nothing more than to talk about the problem and help them work through it if I can. It kind of ends there with me, though. With people I'm close to, I feel a deep need to know what's going on in their lives. I almost yearn to know their emotional state from day-to-day. I'm more likely to bring up subjects and ask point-blank questions about how they feel about something. Strangers don't get that from me.

Also, it takes me a long time to own up to how much I care about the emotional welfare of a person. It's intense inside, but I downplay it as much as I can on the outside until I know they care about me that much or they're okay with me caring about them that much.

So, all in all, from my experience, it's hard to gauge INFJs' Fe from an outside perspective. We seem to feel it deeply and display it subtly until we're comfortable displaying it overtly.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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My Fe usually expresses itself in being aware of what unspoken vibes are floating around among the different people that I am talking to. I think it is one of the reasons that I find socializing in a large group of people I don't know well more difficult, because it takes more effort to interpret what I am seeing and there is more stimuli to juggle all at once.

Fe allows me when I am teaching to see when I have lost my audience, judge what's appropriate to say, and feel the individual reactions of each person I focus on as I speak.

Sometimes I am over-sensitive to other people's reactions and am reluctant to fully express my opinions when I should because I can see when there is even a hint of hesitation, disagreement or whatever else.

Fe is also something that allows me to better connect with people on a personal level and puts a higher priority on remembering things that matter to them, how they feel, and what they are interested in.

Depending on the situation too, it makes it hard for me to prioritize where I should spend my time and efforts, as I tend to respond to what I see closest to me as the most urgent.

From what I've seen, I would agree that Fe filtered through Ni can make it look very diferent even if it is coming from the same INFJ personality type.
 

Two Point Two

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This is all very interesting. You all seem to be describing Fe as something on the inside, but which can't readily be seen always. That's how I see introverted functions, but I never expected to see extroverted functions hidden that way. In an introvert, the auxiliary is the primary way of interacting with and acting in the external world, but for INFJs, that process seems to be restrained by the introvertedness or by the shell of IxxJness.

It may be slightly different for INTJs, whose auxiliary allows them to act in the world without necessarily interacting with people - it may make using the auxiliary less threatening to introversion?

It's strange - I've entertained the possibility that I may be an INFJ, and a lot of it fits, particularly the use of Ti. But it's always the Fe auxiliary that makes me think it must be otherwise, because, based on my understanding of Fe, it's one of my least used functions. But they way you're all describing it, it almost sounds more like a FeFi hybrid.

When you read a description of Fe, how strongly do you relate to it? How do you see your Fe differing from Fi?
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
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sp/sx
I think of Fe as understanding of how your actions and behaviors influence others, tuning into their own feelings and their own personal experiences. Fi is being in tune with your own emotional processes, not necessarily the needs of others.

I tend to relate to the Fe description pretty well, just I know there are moments where I have to look out for myself as well as other people. There has to be a delicate balance between selflessness and selfishness.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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I think Fi worries less about social appropriateness or other's reactions (how it's going to make other people feel, am I making things work for everyone involved?) and more about inner convictions (am I being true to myself, even if it's at the expense making things go smoothly for the group?).

With Fe, the experiences of the world around you are used to process your own thoughts and feelings, while with Fi, your own thoughts and feelings give you insight into the world around you.
 

rogue1

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Jan 18, 2010
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Contrary to how it might seem on the outside, INFJs feel a lot, and very fiercely and deeply. Fe seeks to connect. However, being introverts, INFJs don't have that much energy to do so. I certainly don't. I get exhausted if I get too engaged with people, because I will start to feel too much, and it's overwhelming. The only way to cope is to keep most relationships at a comfortable distance, where I don't have to care too much about them. It may sound selfish, but I only truly care about some (very few) individuals. The rest is kept at the other side of the barrier. It takes a very special person (and a very long time) to get past that barrier.

But once you're in, you'll be loved to bits :hug:
This is exactly how I feel...Good to know Im not broken..just INFJ:cheese:

First vibe I get from INFJs varies from cool to normal... then I get to know them better and realize how strange they are :alttongue:
LOL LOL ;)
 

Tiltyred

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One reason you don't see the feeling is because I don't like to impose. My strength of feeling might not feel good to you, so I'm sensitive to how much to let out at any given time. You might not be showing all your cards, either -- most people have more going on than they let on -- so my antennae are up all the time. When I get a good solid sense of where you are, then I can show my emotions in some way that won't overwhelm you and that you might enjoy or benefit from. In the meantime, I'm content to own my own and just sit with them. Also I have to give myself time to think about what I get from you, because feeling is synonymous with being for me, and what I have a gut reaction to may or may not be true, so there's always a lag time between what I think and what I say or show. That's in an effort to do service to the relationship, whatever it might be.

Plus I am really really interested more than anything in who the other person is. So I don't want to do anything to interfere with their true expression. I am more interested in seeing who you are than in you seeing who I am. Or, who I am is someone who wants to see who you are, and I can't look at you if I'm busy drawing attention to myself.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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Tilty brings up a good point. Fi would be more likely to not worry as much about how well we know each other, our respective rank (in a work situation), how others might view things etc - if they saw someone in pain, they would be more likely to want to comfort them immediately (at least as explained by Amargith ENFP).

I think my INFJ wish not to impose, as well as to observe enough to confirm my hypothesis and note patterns makes me take much longer to express it, even if I am taking in all of those signals quite actively to try to form a composite picture of what is going on. Those perceptions all gathered together inform my future behaviour toward the person.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
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This is all very interesting. You all seem to be describing Fe as something on the inside, but which can't readily be seen always. That's how I see introverted functions, but I never expected to see extroverted functions hidden that way. In an introvert, the auxiliary is the primary way of interacting with and acting in the external world, but for INFJs, that process seems to be restrained by the introvertedness or by the shell of IxxJness.

It may be slightly different for INTJs, whose auxiliary allows them to act in the world without necessarily interacting with people - it may make using the auxiliary less threatening to introversion?

It's strange - I've entertained the possibility that I may be an INFJ, and a lot of it fits, particularly the use of Ti. But it's always the Fe auxiliary that makes me think it must be otherwise, because, based on my understanding of Fe, it's one of my least used functions. But they way you're all describing it, it almost sounds more like a FeFi hybrid.

Picture this:

you've entered a strange new realm. You crossed through a portal. Mechanistic solutions to objective problems are no longer separable from immediate affect. When you see a process run inefficiently, it hurts you directly. You suffer along with the grinding gear that slows down the engine, and you sympathise with the wrong turn that couldn't help but make the journey longer. A computer that runs slowly when you just know it could be so much better, is like a knife in your chest. You have become an INFJ of inanimate objects.
 

Eric B

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My Fe usually expresses itself in being aware of what unspoken vibes are floating around among the different people that I am talking to. I think it is one of the reasons that I find socializing in a large group of people I don't know well more difficult, because it takes more effort to interpret what I am seeing and there is more stimuli to juggle all at once.

From what I've seen, I would agree that Fe filtered through Ni can make it look very diferent even if it is coming from the same INFJ personality type.

This is all very interesting. You all seem to be describing Fe as something on the inside, but which can't readily be seen always. That's how I see introverted functions, but I never expected to see extroverted functions hidden that way. In an introvert, the auxiliary is the primary way of interacting with and acting in the external world, but for INFJs, that process seems to be restrained by the introvertedness or by the shell of IxxJness.
This sounds to me more like Ni perception. I've had someone once try to dictate what a group was feeling, and said Fe should pick up these "unspoken vibes", and it was hard to tell if that was true. SolitaryWalker did once describe an overdominant Ni as overtaking Fe, and making the person project the way they think things should be onto the group. But then I now think the person was really an ENTJ trying to maintain supposed turf, especially since they did not really sync with the group themselves.

So it would seem to be Ni perceiving the unspoken vibes, and then Fe responding to it (and it then seeming like Fi, which also can pick up what people need without it being spoken).
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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INFJ
Yes, that's probably a more accurate way of stating it.
 

Polaris

AKA Nunki
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Apr 7, 2009
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451
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sp/sx
My use of Fe generally involves controlling my presentation in order to get the desired response. This can mean a lot of things, depending on what kind of response I want, but it usually involves treating people with courtesy and cultivating an aura of low-key elegance. My goal in such cases is to promote a sense of mutual respect, and there's nothing overtly emotional about it; it's everyday civilized behavior, and I often dole it out without feeling much of anything. With the few I'm truly close to, on the other hand, my use of Fe takes on a visibly emotional aspect; it involves tending to the person's welfare (sometimes to the point of mothering them) and sharing my emotional landscape in the hopes that they'll do the same.

Lest you think that Fe is all hugs and butterflies, I'll also mention that I can use the process as a weapon, for example, when people reject me. In those and similar cases, I begin to treat people as playthings--I push all their buttons and deliberately make a spectacle of everyone. My goal is to tear everything apart, to go absolutely wild and milk the situation for all it's worth. It's a little bit of shadow Se, but it communicates itself through Fe.
 
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