First boyfriend - FUBAR, possibly an ESxP...really volitile and passionate. He was a super fun guy, but I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him...he asked me to marry him, I said yes but then thought better of it...I knew it would never work even though I was really young (started dating when I was 16).
Ex-husband - INTJ (good call Fuzz) - Very stable and dispassionate. He thought I was too emotionally and physically needy. I thought he was too cold and distant...shocking! He also had an inferiority complex and suffered from long periods of depression...so that didn't help. Overall though, this was probably the best of my relationships, it just lacked spark...we were a good team and got along really well most of the time.
Boyfriend #3 - INTP - Also really good in a lot of ways. He was definitely a more outgoing INTP. Biggest problem - it was hard to get him to think about anyone but himself or get him motivated to even take care of himself. Biggest benefit - he never raised his voice, was always calm and was surprisingly good with verbalizing how much he cared about me.
Boyfriend #4 - ESFJ - Holy sh!tshow, batman! Started off great! Total awesomeness...we flew to Paris 6 weeks after we started dating for the New Year, just 'cause we wanted to. It was fun! fun! fun! and passion...wow! We seemed very "alike" he looked like an even happier, more outgoing, more driven version of me. But ultimately we locked horns. I could NOT STAND the way he tried to control me (very possesive) and the way he would speak to me...talk about a sharp tongue! Ended in a train wreck. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I have ever done, becuase we both still love each other.
Those are the highlights.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
I can't spell...get over it
This was brief and in the days of ol' (i was 13/he was 16). He always meant well and we got along, but didn't get each other. I felt i was more mature in regard to the relationship than he was and, inevitably, he had an issue with the age difference.
Eight years later and he's kept up this introverted quest for women ha. Still a nice guy though.
A better friendship than a relationship. We could swap ideas and come close to understanding each other really well. Had a lot of the same kinds of interests (writing/computers/fitness) and were basically compassionate people. When thrown in a relationship, he got dependent and i withdrew. This turned into intense manipulation tactics from both sides whenever one of us felt threatened (frequently).
We're civil and talk infrequently.
Sexual chemistry (not surprising ), but no real, grounded connection. His mind worked in the black and white world, while mine floated around in gray areas. He loved attention and being viewed as 'the best' at anything, but would debase anything he wasn't good at or didn't understand.
We haven't spoken or seen each other in 4 years. He can get hit by a mac truck.
Unhealthy rebound central. I like ENFPs, but not this one. We dated for a grand total of 3 weeks and he topped the INFP on the crazy charts. We could talk, rather, he could talk for ages. He'd discuss what he could do, but wouldn't do it. Talk himself out of trying to do things.
Only plus i could see is that he would speak well of anyone he is dating.
I roughly typed him ESTP or ENTP - he tested INTP. Anyway.
We had a fantastic connection, but our lifestyles were insanely different. His whole attitude had this Nike "Just Do It!" feel to it. Mine was more laid back, calculated, and worried. I was excessively emotional. He was ice cold, or tried to be even when emotional. His thoughts were very erratic, but enthralling.
We loved the hell out of each other , but there were too many mistakes and a lot of miscommunication.
Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man
Wow, this is a really interesting topic! We've got to get the rest of the ENFJs to post in here. I'm fascinated at how similar your experiences with different types have been to mine.
Relationship #1 IxTP(s?). Very laid back. Incredible friend for about 5 years in my late teens and on. Was very nurturing, and patient. Kinda kept to himself though, we grew very close but then he just had this point where he couldn't go any further. Long distance, and saw each other once every several months, but still talking online he felt like he "couldn't fill the needs I had" for communication etc. Highly intelligent, and responses to my comments seemed intimidating or made me feel stupid at times.
Not sure of type. See photo.
First real bf locally. Naive me poured out my lil heart and trusted him. If there's any guy I still hate to this day, it's him. He is the most manipulating guy I've met - cheated on me for the second half of our relationship and never said anything. I spent $1500 out of my pocket trying to sell his house as a Realtor and only was told I did my job wrong after his refusing to listen to my advice. Nutshell problems - went too fast, I trusted too easily, he took advantage of trust, didn't put our relationship first... After a week or two he said he loved me and was writing songs for me. He didn't have the balls to break up, I only found out when some other girl got upset because I referred to him as my bf. Very personally driven in his own way, thinks he's gonna be a millionaire. He went around telling everyone how he was SO phylanthropic and a wonderful person caring about humanity. Then is a total @#$@# to me both personally and in business. So an unhealthy ___ type?
Relationship #3 ESTP. Wow! Talk about chemistry, passion, and enthusiasm for life. I've never met someone who was so much on the same page with me as far as interests and views on life. Very driven and exciting like me. Unfortunately quite a bit of communication breakdown because we are different. He was a bit full of himself, and I got the impression he just wanted to date everyone for fun. I will be haunted for a very long time by his overwhelming awesomeness impact on me.
Relationship #4 ISFP. Current bf, total sweetheart. Very F doting towards me and P laid back about everything. Unfortunately can't work out in the end because of completely different interests, and we just think differently. I mentioned this elsewhere, but has caused frustration with him being more introverted, non-introspective, non-Ni, non-Te. More surface level sweet lacking depth even when he truly cares about me.
Anyone's experience with ENTPs?
Last edited by nynesneg; 02-04-2010 at 01:16 AM.
Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.
Ive been with two ENFJ's so I can share a bit. I'm pretty young, and both of the ENFJs were young when we dated as well.
ENFJ #1 - wowwowowowow. Came on to me like crazy. Pushed to be with me. Chemistry was crazy. Lots of fun. Always had a good time. Passionate. Intense. Really good convos. We were good together. Dated for more than half a year. Would've been the perfect relationship. Then I found out she already had a boyfriend of 2 years whom she felt unappreciated by, which is why she cheated on him with me. Needless to say, things didnt work out after I found that out.
ENFJ #2 - Quick, easy hook up. Not my type. Chemistry was different. Something always felt a bit off. She said a lot of eyebrow raising things. Really weird girl. Came across as arrogant and competitive. Bigger age gap between us so that mightve played a part in it. Kind of lame overall.
Conclusion: Variant stacking has a huuuuge impact on the connection. ENFJ #1 and I had similar stackings. #2 and I were complete opposites in variants. Also a bigger age gap between us so that could have played a part in it.
Based on the first ENFj, I know there is huge potential there if the situation and circumstances are right.
I'm just going to speak of the major encounters, leave the random flirtations etc to the side.
INTP: Mechanic. My first serious boyfriend. It wasn't a type thing that broke us up, it was his jealousy and unbelievable need to control and sequester me. That got old fast. I knew him for about a year before we went out. The wonderful, sweet, respectful, super-smart guy that I'd gotten to know vanished as soon as we started dating. We had a lot of chemistry and really enjoyed each others' humor. I liked how honorable he was, how he treated me respectfully. I was "safe" around him.
I did feel pretty "starved" though. Having to encourage someone to touch you or take initiative killed a lot of my enthusiasm and affection. There was a great deal of messiness on both sides. He had a critical opinion about everything I did. I believe the final straw was when he began criticizing me on how I handled my own twin sister. BYE BYE.
ISTP: Mechanic. Fell HARD for him. The attraction between us was so strong it freaked us both out. He was very sharp and funny and weirdly relaxed while being electric. We had a mutual way of knowing what the other was thinking or going to say next, even over the phone. I'm going to sum this one up with - never fall in love with a drug addict. I had no idea what I was walking into. He was good at keeping secrets. It was very difficult to stay away from each other though. He made me cry and hurt in ways I had never felt before, but he was the first guy who treated me like I was a desirable passionate thing, a woman and not a child. The first helpless stare while looking into my eyes. It made a huge impact on me for the long term.
ENTP: Mechanic. I would have married that fool. We met in the garage. I had no plans on ever getting to know him. I had tunnel vision going in because my performance was on the line as the only female. I do remember the first day he walked in though. He sat next to his best friend, right behind me, and he didn't even have the shame to not scrutinize me at such close range. We fell in together pretty quickly. The first week, to be exact. It was gorgeous mayhem for the next year. We sharpened each other. People came to the garage just to watch us spar and drive witty verbal spears into each other. I know it turned him on when I got the best of him. If I was horribly upset and not speaking, it made him insane with worry. He didn't like it when he couldn't see my flame scorching the sky like an oil rig fire. He pulled out an extremely affectionate side of me. He was physical, liked to "play", grab me and toss me around. I liked to climb on him - that's what his 6 ft 4, 240 lbs of muscle was for. I liked the way he would stare at me sometimes, like no one else was in the room, like I couldn't even see him staring.
He was hard on people though. Very hard. He could be temperamental, exasperating, lacerating and petulant too.
He was the first guy I could have seen myself married to. The ending is too complicated to explain. You've all heard it before anyway.
eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
AIS Holland code
Just one. The others were rather brief and of no significance (i.e. I wouldn't have called them GF's.)
ESFJ - Both of us were really passionate sexually but had different ideas on how to express that passion. I don't like to play by traditional rules and she had no respect for that and she had wild ideas that I refused to get behind due to a lack of oh....IDK...wanting to be arrested.
Ultimately I was turned off by her selfishness and lack of maturity and the way she threw herself at me no-questions-asked. She was crushed by the fact that, despite the passion, I didn't really like her at the end of the day.
"... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.
ESFP: Would've loved that girl if she wasn't crazy. First kiss. Did I say crazy? Wanted me to beg her hand in marriage the first week. There was no sex to instigate this...she was simply out of her mind.
ESFP: Ah, Diana. Huge brown eyes like a doe caught in the headlights. Really, I think I was the one caught in the headlights (she had huge...uh...cantalopes, beautiful face). She did do a few things in our social group to piss me off (today I would've found them hilarious and ditched that group, but I was a bit more tight-wady back then). It just didn't work out. Soon after it ended with her, she started dating, fucking, and supporting the resident ESTP who was barely 18 (she was 32).
Now she's stars in plays of all kinds, and is very happy with whatever ISTP loveboy she can find. Love her to death, but I keep my distance or get stuck in those eyes again.
INFP: My first N. Nichole. Dear lord, there's a long story. She nearly brought down a church on her departure. There was no one who had a more lasting effect than she had...
ISFP: Melissa comforted me after Nichole left. We had a connection, but it was clear to me from the start that we'd probably make better friends than lovers. She ended up marrying a cool ISTP. Haven't talked with them in awhile, I think I need to give them a call...
ENTJ: They say you learn certain things the hard way. Alexandra was it. We connected, but due to her temper, and my reluctance to get involved with anybody that didn't have God in their lives, we ended up friending for about 2 years. One day she called me up and was swearing up a storm about some bastards that she had to deal with that day. I had somebody else in the car and I was driving (before the law), and I didn't want to be rude, so I asked politely if I could call her back.
She turned her temper completely on me. To my knowledge, I wasn't keeping track of her outbursts. But I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told her, very loudly, never to call me again. 2 years. 2 years since too. I miss her, but not enough to keep getting verbally beat on.
I haven't dated anybody for two years. She was the last. I'm not pining for anybody, just...lots of stress at work, and home, and everybody elses lives in my family kind of trying to crush mine. Right now I'm looking for new work...my manager makes my life a stressful hell, and I won't stand her anymore. Once that's settled I'll look for a place. Once I've got a place, maybe I'll start looking around again. Maybe. I'm kind of happy single right now.