This issue is really eating me up lately. I was just wondering if any other NFs have had similar issues as this. I'm not too experienced with dating, so any advice would be much appreciated.
I've had girls at school and work show some sort of romantic interest in me initially, and I am very nice and polite to them when they do. However, I am very cautious about which women to associate with because I have had some bad experiences in the past. I usually like to get to know them a little more first in the school setting or workplace before asking them out on an actual date, or to hang out outside of the familiar setting. Even if I do go on one or more dates, however, it still takes me some time to decide that I would like to be with someone (more intimately i suppose). The problem is, I think what often ends up happening is that the girl thinks I'm not interested in her, or that I was "playing her" or something.
But this is not true. On the contrary, I`m actually spending more time learning about her, assessing her value systems, and deciding about how we would be together as a couple. I am looking for a long-term, loving relationship, so it`s important for me to get the right person. I never reject these people, but I rarely if ever fall for someone immediately.
As time goes on, the girl actually starts to HATE me. She ignores me, and may even say something bad about me to her friends. It`s really quite hurtful, actually. This has happened about half a dozen times over the last couple of years.
Specifically, this usually happens with introverted, feeling, and judging types. The one relationship that was broken off mutually where we remained friends was with another INFP. Any time I deal with SJ type of women, they all have these "rules" in their head about what a man is "supposed" to be like when dating, otherwise they don't think they're being treated properly and with dignity. I like to let relationships happen naturally and develop on their own, even if it takes a while to do so. So it hurts me when I lose a potentially great connection with someone because she misinterpreted my level of interest. Maybe this is just typical of many S and N conflicts when communicating.
My question is, I guess, this:
How much time do other NFs need before they want to get intimate with someone? Am I being overly cautious? Please tell me I`m not completely alone here...