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  1. #1
    Member eternal recurrence's Avatar
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    Arrow INFJ - a constant search

    So INFJ's often feel disappointed in others, seek deep and meaningful (thus rare) relationships, are focused on future possibilities, are on a search for meaningful work etc.

    Is it just me or does this combination result something like a 'perpetual hunt' or
    'endless exploration'- i.e. do other INFJ's besides me have the tendency to move from place to place in search or something or someone or an ideal they 'intuitively' believe is out there?

  2. #2
    Phantonym
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    This topic is way too familiar to me. I'm always reminded by this song:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TswE_dN4qW0"]The Beatles - The Long and Winding Road[/YOUTUBE]

    The "road" never ends.

  3. #3
    Member eternal recurrence's Avatar
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    Never ends? The last point is that i intuitively believe there is an end.

    like a final resting place, but uh, preferably not in a graveyard.

  4. #4
    Phantonym
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    Quote Originally Posted by eternal recurrence View Post
    Never ends? The last point is that i intuitively believe there is an end.

    like a final resting place, but uh, preferably not in a graveyard.
    You see, the thing is, I believe that everything is constantly evolving. It's like with something you desire is coming and you look forward to it but when it finally arrives, it materializes and it's not the ideal anymore, it's not the same anymore because it's not really the end. You'll still keep on dreaming about something else, that "ideal", because maybe the "road" is what you're really after. Being on that "road", having that focus towards something is what keeps you going. I hope this makes sense.

  5. #5
    Member eternal recurrence's Avatar
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    Ya this is the EXACT struggle. We can listen a buddist quote and accept that "there is no road to happiness, happiness is the road" or we can continually try to drive down the road with a map on the steering wheel, a coffee in one hand, talking on the phone with the other while changing the radio station (with our foot?).

    But I agree with you. actually i think this constant search demeans the here and now - where life actually is - there is no point in heading towards an ideal and neglecting the finer points about actually getting there because these points are the majority of our lives.

    However! We nonetheless strive for these ideals so then we have to learn to enjoy both.

    i think this results in a tension between waiting/wanting/wondering for an ideal and keeping two feet on the ground in the here and now - the practicing of mindfulness* as people like to say.

    * maybe this technique would actually be quite psychologically useful for INFJ's

  6. #6
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    I think I've ended up being disappointed with every person I've met. I want every relationship to be meaniningful and deep, I don't just want somebody to hang around with, to pass the time with, to be with just for the sake of it and so I don't have to be alone. But in order to have that I would totally have to open myself up..and so would the other person. A relationship can't be deep and meaningful if you don't get down to the complicated and perhaps uncomfortbale stuff. But you can't have this with every person, you're lucky if you find this with just one person. A lot of people don't want that...and don't need it. I agree with the previous posts, and especially this quote: "there is no road to happiness, happiness is the road".

    I've never had this deep and meaningful connection with anyone. I'm beginning to doubt whether it exists. Being as blindly idealistic as I am I often have to ask myself...how much of this is real and how much did I make up and idealise inside my own head? Are these expectations of relationships even realistic? Are these relationships actually that meaningless, or is it that they don't live up to my high and stupidly idealistic standards?

    I know that the perfect relationship doesn't exist. Yet I'm constantly pursuing it
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  7. #7
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    I have decided to accept human beings as they are, sinners. Embracing reality is the "integration point" of many INFJs, I think. I believe I am getting there, but it takes practice (many disappointments and depressions). Patience in building up the relationship is another important element in the process. You might be on fire, but that person you love might just need some time in getting to know you. And you too! Your vision of that person might just be idealized, and not who she/he really is. This is why you are disappointed. When you are, ask yourself if you love that person or an ideal person you have invented in your head.
    Reality check is painful but essential.

  8. #8
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eternal recurrence View Post
    So INFJ's often feel disappointed in others, seek deep and meaningful (thus rare) relationships, are focused on future possibilities, are on a search for meaningful work etc.

    Is it just me or does this combination result something like a 'perpetual hunt' or
    'endless exploration'- i.e. do other INFJ's besides me have the tendency to move from place to place in search or something or someone or an ideal they 'intuitively' believe is out there?
    Do you mean romantic interest?

    I can relate completely as far as friends go. I think I've recently given up on finding the one Soulful Friend or family friends. The Ethel to my Lucy. The Sister. Oh, I've had glimpses, but it never culminates in anything long-lasting or very fulfilling. I can always give more. I always want more.

    So, yeah, I'm hibernating now. I've pulled inward. I'm no longer driven to search for that perfect friend anymore. Surprisingly I am more at peace now than I have been in years, I think. I am living in the moment and not really concerned about when I will see my friends or where our friendships will go from here. I think I am kind-of just DONE. I am just looking to live in the moment with who I meet on any given day and serendipitous situation.

    However, I do have a wonderful soulful connection with my s.o. And a great family. I'm learning to be just grateful for that and not so desirous of finding that perfect perfect friend, because I just don't really think it exists..............
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  9. #9
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    It gets better as you get older.

  10. #10
    Phantonym
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It gets better as you get older.
    I have noticed this with myself as well. But now I'm wondering whether it's because of acceptance or giving up.

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