The big place where this struggle manifests in my life is in terms of romantic relationships. I've never experienced the sort of romantic chemistry and sense of really connecting with someone, even when I feel like I've really opened myself up to looking for it, and at this point anything less than that feels like settling. I've dated, but I haven't found that yet. Curses to idealism! But the thing is, I don't ever want to get complacent about it, because that seems to be when people end up in relationships for the wrong reasons.
My thing is that I *have* felt that I have met a few people I've really connected with - really deeply, and really sensed great possibilities as far as longterm romance/relationship goes, but they have never been emotionally available or desirous of exploring that. I guess one could argue they were 'just not that into me' (which is a possibility), but at the same time I *know* they really liked me and cared for me. I don't know if it was fear, or selfishness, or self-protection, or what..any number of reasons. Just has never lined up for me - both people in the same place at the same time, both attracted, similar life goals, etc etc. Ah well. I associate romance/chemistry with bittersweetness. I have it in small doses that don't ever go anywhere.
As to the OP, I definitely can relate to what you wrote about constantly searching for something in life. I'm always looking one step ahead of where I am now: what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, etc. And I've noticed that if the future seems closed off or my goals seem out of reach for whatever reason, it's kind of anxiety-provoking for me. I agree that it's problematic in some cases because while I'm looking ahead, I've let some present opportunities and practical considerations pass by.
Agree again!
I do think in recent years I have been able to embrace the moment more, and make the most of things and situations, and not miss opportunities that come up, but I also despair at times because I know, given my personality, that I'm someone who also needs purpose, and something I am moving/aiming towards. I can't just float along, day in and day out -- I need to be heading towards something. And in times when I haven't yet come up with that 'something', I am stressed or unhappy.
I've also realized that every 2-3 years I tend to hit stagnation -- not enough newness in my life, not enough growth, things just become too predictable and repetitive. So I have to then come up with a new 'challenge' or goal or purpose. Maybe 6 years ago I became depressed about this aspect of myself -- I went too far into the future and became incredibly *weary* about the prospect of an entire life - decades - of having to constantly find newness every 2-3 yrs. I just wanted to give up at the thought of decades of this pattern. Well, yeah. I guess I've gotten over a lot of that weariness and being upset about it, and just accepted this aspect of myself that will never change. The acceptance required being able to live more in the present - or try to - and enjoy the small things out of life. And to just try not to take all of it so seriously - treat Life as an Adventure. Try to let go more.
I do worry at times though that at some point I won't be able to come up with a new, creative solution out of any stagnant point I reach - as I always need something new; a new answer. What if I eventually run out of solutions?
But too, I also hold a small amount of hope that eventually this whole trend will lessen, that eventually I'll find my groove and really find a purpose/'point' that is fulfilling for longer than 2 years. And honestly I do think I'm heading in the right direction, and things are getting better over time as I learn more about life and myself and how I fit into everything.
I think there is also an element involved that requires you to change your perception a bit on this whole thing called Life -- and that eases the burden of a lot of what might cause INFJ's problems. Tweaking your viewpoint, focus, etc, as a means to be either less hard on yourself, on others, or getting less up in arms/bogged down about what exactly Life and the nature of relationships is about.
