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  1. #31
    Member LavaLucy's Avatar
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    I definatly relate to all of this - especially the perfect friend part. Isn't it a pain in the ass! I'll think I'll get reincarnated as a SP. I hate feeling like I've given up so I don't give up and ARGH. Too many possibilities =

  2. #32
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istar11 View Post
    I am constantly trying to search for a community of people that can understand me, the kind of music that I write, and the kind of narratives I construct in my head about my own life and my place in the world. I need people to share my sense of humour and my value systems, and more often than not I never meet anyone in any place that meets those expectations. I have bounced around from school program to program, from job to job, not finding what I'm looking for. I feel perpetually "lost," with no identity, and no one to deeply share my own feelings about the world.
    Being an ENFJ (with a very slight E), I can relate to a lot of what you say as well as the general feelings expressed in this thread. These feelings were particularly strong when I was younger. It has only been in recent years that I have learned to "get over myself". That's how I put it anyway.

    I think I felt for a long time that if someone didn't agree with my idealistic way of thinking, that it was a rejection of me. I took it very personally. I wanted the people I was close to agree with my values and world view. I felt they were rejecting me and "just didn't understand me" and couldn't really love me if they were rejecting of the values that were so closely tied to my identity, so would push and push, trying to get them to "understand" which really means "agree" with me. If I failed to "enlighten" them, I would eventually withdraw. One day I realized, it was me who was doing the rejecting, not everyone else (in most cases). NO ONE will ever have the same idealistic view of the world as I do because NO ONE is me. So I needed to understand that people can have different values than I do and still be very loving and accepting of me. I was the one who had a lesson to be learned, not everyone else. I needed to learn to be less self-righteous and more humble in my belief system. There are LOTS of good people out there, I just needed to open my eyes, my heart and my mind to them.

    I do want to stress that this was always about values for me, I never ever rejected people based on superficial preferences or appearances. I have learned that I need to be respectful of others values. I do still have "standards" for someone I would consider a romantic relationship with, but the list is very short and there is a lot of latitude for differences. I got off of my idealistic throne and joined the masses...sometimes it is still a struggle keeping myself in check and God knows, I still have work to do, but it's worth it
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I think I felt for a long time that if someone didn't agree with my idealistic way of thinking, that it was a rejection of me. I took it very personally. I wanted the people I was close to agree with my values and world view. I felt they were rejecting me and "just didn't understand me" and couldn't really love me if they were rejecting of the values that were so closely tied to my identity, so would push and push, trying to get them to "understand" which really means "agree" with me. If I failed to "enlighten" them, I would eventually withdraw.
    well, you're a better person than me. I still feel this ^ way.

  4. #34
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    As I approach the ripe old age of 30, I'm finding myself becoming increasingly mellow and willfully content. It's a good feeling. I'm also becoming self-aware enough to channel that searching feeling into finding the perfect piece of antique junk at an estate sale, and less about plunging the possibilities of my immortal soul. I'm learning to trick myself into being happy.

    Being married to an INTJ helps, too. When I'm pondering out loud in the middle of the night the possibility of collective consciousness and what knowledge I'm actually responsible for, he rolls his eyes at me and says, "You're over thinking non-predictable things. Wanna get naked?" It helps.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  5. #35
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcvcdc View Post
    well, you're a better person than me. I still feel this ^ way.
    So I read this and then moved on becuase I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. I am still not sure how to respond to it, but it's been on my mind ever since I read it...so I'm back

    I am sure you don't mean that literally, but none the less...

    I don't think the changes I made made me a better person...definitely not better than anyone else. They just made me happier.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

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