User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 98

  1. #21
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    Think of the tough love as a sign that I really care about you because I wouldn't bother doing it to someone who didn't mean something to me. If I didn't like you, I'd just ignore you.
    I don't believe in "tough love". I think it's focused on yourself and not really on what the other person needs. I can't see how a stab in the gut ever helps anyone.....I mean, just look at what the metaphor is implying!!! I'm not saying to coddle people, but I feel like people use this sort of thinking as an excuse to be harsh.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #22
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't believe in "tough love". I think it's focused on yourself and not really on what the other person needs. I can't see how a stab in the gut ever helps anyone.....I mean, just look at what the metaphor is implying!!! I'm not saying to coddle people, but I feel like people use this sort of thinking as an excuse to be harsh.
    Harshness can and does help certain people. A stab in the gut can motivate me to see the big picture at times. This method ("tough love") has also been proven repeatedly to be effective with dealing with juvenile delinquents.

  3. #23
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    1,092

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't believe in "tough love". I think it's focused on yourself and not really on what the other person needs. I can't see how a stab in the gut ever helps anyone.....I mean, just look at what the metaphor is implying!!! I'm not saying to coddle people, but I feel like people use this sort of thinking as an excuse to be harsh.
    Nah, it's not about me. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it would be effective. Like I said, I'm not out to hurt people. You, for instance, I wouldn't do it to, because it obviously wouldn't work. Someone like marmalade, though, she gets shanked.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't believe in "tough love". I think it's focused on yourself and not really on what the other person needs. I can't see how a stab in the gut ever helps anyone.....I mean, just look at what the metaphor is implying!!! I'm not saying to coddle people, but I feel like people use this sort of thinking as an excuse to be harsh.
    I dunno about Pettycure's definition of tough love, but as I define it there is definitely a place for it in this world of ours.

    Tough love can also be about self-sacrifice actually. Being okay with people hating you, if you believe they will profit in the end.

  5. #25
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    Nah, it's not about me. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it would be effective. Like I said, I'm not out to hurt people. You, for instance, I wouldn't do it to, because it obviously wouldn't work. Someone like marmalade, though, she gets shanked.
    Make sure that pimp hand is strong!

  6. #26

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I just don't get how oblivious a lot of people seem to be to the feelings of others. How can you say/do certain types of things and not understand, or suspect, that you're hurting the other person? I know NFs are supposed to be hyper-sensitive to this kind of thing and we're supposed to have a natural advantage...but I don't know that this is even all that type-related. If you have that big of a blind spot to other people's feelings or the types of things that are likely to hurt, you've got a problem - most likely that you just don't care that much about anyone's feelings except your own. Apparently even saying "sorry if that came across as insensitive" is too damn hard for so many people.

    Hm, I'm not having a good week...
    Sorry to hear. Hope your week improves.

    Can I ask what happened?
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  7. #27
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,375

    Default

    Pussy.
    Whiner.

    Oh wait, this isn't the word association thread?

  8. #28
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,881

    Default

    I can definitely relate to the OP. There are many times people just leave me with my mouth gaping.. "You MUST be fucking joking. You ARE joking, aren't you?" It's even worse when they KNOW what they're doing, but won't admit to it, either to themselves or others, and squeeze those traits in where it's not socially acceptable, but hard to call them out on it anyways. There are some people who just genuinely are out for number 1, and they'll be damned if they can't slam a door in an old lady's face.

    What Petty's describing is, I think, how most people act socially. Civil, polite, but not over the top toward anyone outside of the people currently involved in their lives. She's not saying she's a caveman in restaurants, or that she openly tells some stranger in Walmart that their outfit is the ugliest sin since Medusa's curse, but simply that she's neutral on the general population. She doesn't care one way or the other. I think a lot of people can relate to that.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  9. #29
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    This will probably sound callous to you, but I'm not interested in the feelings of strangers or acquaintances. I say what I'm going to say and just because it upsets you doesn't mean that you didn't need to hear it. The only feelings I'm interested in are that of the people in my inner circle because they've proven that they're worth the stress it puts on me. I don't see why I should put forth the effort of trying to care about absolutely everybody because dealing with the feelings of other people can be incredibly draining for me and can leave me feeling empty if I've given too much. And yes, this extends even to what you might consider common courtesy. If I had to stop and analyze my actions and look at it from the perspective of every single person I encounter on a given day, I'd be exhausted.

    Speaking solely for xSTPs, we can be a bit emotionally retarded at times -- yes, it is a type thing for us. The best way to deal with us is to point out what we've done and why it affected you badly in a blunt and rational way. If you fire back with an emotional response, we're likely to slap the "drama queen" label on you and not think of what you say. If we don't know we're being too crass or harsh, we won't know that we need to apologize.
    .

    Pettycure, thanks for these comments. They shed a lot of insight on how ESTPs see things and I much appreciate you taking the time to write them down. Yup we are way sensitive. Yup you guys can be way blunt, however I prefer that over the shiny, polite front honestly.

    For those very close-who you do tolerate emo from-do you think you tap into Fi at all to do that?

    Do you ever end up letting highly emotive people that close, given the stress they impose from the very start of a relationship?

    I can be very Te at times, and thus befriend ESTPs, but they cant handle the Fi core that sneaks out now and then-ie an emo breakdown. I feel bad as I do care for them, and then I see them withdraw and not want to be close anymore, but I cant blame them for that if it is draining as you say.

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Pussy.
    Whiner.

    Oh wait, this isn't the word association thread?
    Alas. My unicorn vomited rainbows for you.

  10. #30
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    I treat people the way I would like to be treated, so it shocks me if someone says I'm rude. People value different things and it's hard to imagine what any one person will take the wrong way based on their own value system. I'm (almost) never intentionally rude.

    I identify with Pettycure - it's just draining to always qualify statements. When my brother died, I got yelled at for telling a child that he was dead, because that was too honest (read: harsh). Then I got yelled at for telling another child that he was in heaven, because that mom didn't want her kid lied to.

    Can't please 'em all, so like I said, I treat people the way I would want (which is usually extremely honest and to the point) and if you don't like it, oh well. What more can I do? I can't very well pepper statements with extraneous buffer words all the time (i.e. lie) to please someone if I value honesty above all else.

Similar Threads

  1. your mental illness is NOT an excuse to be an asshole
    By miss fortune in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 183
    Last Post: 01-12-2016, 10:06 PM
  2. [MBTItm] Is my lack of certainty about other people an indication that I'm not iNtuitive?
    By SilkRoad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 04-22-2012, 07:38 PM
  3. [INFJ] Is this typical of an INFJ?
    By whynot in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 06-24-2010, 07:58 PM
  4. [ENFJ] Is this more of an ENFJ or INFJ thing to do?
    By Lissa in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 07-29-2009, 09:22 PM
  5. [NF] NFs: What Is Your Opinion of "What Not to Wear"?
    By kiddykat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 12-07-2008, 06:42 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO