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[ENFJ] So.... do all ENFJ's love talking about themself and their issues?

SUPER

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I mean everyone talks about themselves to some extent, but with ENFJs it's a bit too much. They're fixated on themselves. First they talk about how amazingly fantastical they are, then they start going on about how lost and depressed they are. :doh:

With most other types it's a good convo about anything and everything. With ENFJs the convo is all about them. Anyone else notice this?
 

Skyward

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I mean everyone talks about themselves to some extent, but with ENFJs it's a bit too much. They're fixated on themselves. First they talk about how amazingly fantastical they are, then they start going on about how lost and depressed they are. :doh:

With most other types it's a good convo about anything and everything. With ENFJs the convo is all about them. Anyone else notice this?

Maybe you're unlucky. The ENFJ I know doesn't talk about herself much at all. Though she is in her 30s/40s and has developed quite well.

The pattern I see is than NFJs are very good at helping other people and their problems, but when they get to their own, we just get lost. At this point we seek advice; usually by complaining, which is the wrong way to go about it a lot of the time. We hope to find someone who can at least help us fix our problem, but the 'ideal' is someone who just fixes them then and there. That's utter fantasy and something that I find I have been learning to deal with. (Even if I seem to gravitate toward myself in conversations...)

In short: Not all ENFJs talk about themselves too much.
 

Robert165

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i could easily see it being a problem
it was for me
its one of those things that takes a bit of selfawareness to overcome
 

syndatha

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I sometimes find myself doing this. But only with the people I really trust (my inner circle.) With other people, I'm more comfortable discussing their problems. :yes:
 

Unkindloving

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This has a high potential of happening. I definitely do it and am not going to bullshit, saying i don't.
Consider the ENFJ:
This type is strongly based on their interactions with others and focuses so much energy on outwardly influencing people to see their potential and better themselves.
If you spend so much time outwardly helping others, you start to lose yourself in the mix. ENFJs have to catch up to what they are trying to provide. How much stock can you put in someone's perspective if they can't see their own potential and strive for self-betterment?

I would imagine that when we finally pry our focus off of other people, we just run with it as fast and as far as we possibly can because it isn't that easy to do in the first place. We're intense on top of that. We'll likely show that in full until we've caught ourselves up comfortably.

Also consider that a lot of ENFJs do their own damage control (actually, i'd bet a lot of NFs do) so if we're the ones constantly reassuring other people... who reassures us when we need it? Who is to say that we know how to go about getting that reassurance? It's a process and at times you should embrace being taken along for the roller-coaster ride, but other times you need to point it out to us.
 

JoSunshine

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I would be quite the opposite. I am actually working on being more disclosing to people. When I am getting to know someone it ususally goes something like this:

1. Me: Question about you.
2. You: Answer the question.
3. Me: Respond to your answer in depth, ask another question based on your answer.
4. Go to step 2 and repeat.

I was actually once called out on this by an ENFP. He said if he wasn't careful I would end up knowing everything about him including his social security number and he would know nothing about me. I actually get uncomfortable if the conversation is TOO focused on me. The only time I can be self-absorbed in conversation is when I am going through a rough patch and I am talking to a good friend. In which case, I am excrutiatingly aware of my self-absorbtion - which leads me to apologize and promise that I will be "back to my normal self" as soon as I get through whatever the issue is.

I have met "me monters" of all types. I think it just boils down to how approval-seeking or just plain self-absorbed a person is.
 

MacGuffin

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They can... much like ESFJs.
 

miss fortune

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They have the ability to... my sis talks about herself and such plenty, but it's drowned out in the fact that she talks about everything else as well!

Simplified:

she talks about herself more volumewise than an introvert
she talks less about herself percentagewise than many introverts I know

:)
 

JoSunshine

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I would agree with that assesment ^. I haven't met many ENFJs irl, but it seems to ring true for some reason.
 

OrangeAppled

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In my experience, an ENFJ who talks a lot about him/herself feels very close to you. I find them pretty guarded and they tend to reveal only tidbits as bait to get YOU to talk. Like most NFs, they seem more interested in future possibilities and ideas than the current happenings of life.

I mentioned in another thread how they have an uncanny ability to create personal conversation without divulging personal info. They seem much more focused on the other person, which can be the flaw for them, because when they do turn the eye on themselves, they get very dark.

I only have one ENFJ friend who struggles with depression who can be too focused on himself, but then he is talking to me, one of his closest friends. Observing him with more casual friends, he doesn't seem that way.

I notice ESFJs I know will sometimes talk about themselves a lot, but it's usually because:

1) They seem to enjoy relating experiences. It's not that they only want to yack about themselves, but this is how they connect to people, and they expect a return of info from you. To an introvert who may be less interested in discussing himself, it can wind up being all about the ESFJ, which was probably not their intention. They're probably disappointed you have not responded to what seemed a clear invitation to talk about your life also.

2) Silence seems to make them nervous and they want to fill the gap, with anything. :D
 

Domino

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When I think about you, Super, I touch myself.

No wait, I was thinking about me. Man, I'm hot.
 

Thessaly

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The ENFJs I know...I don't really know i.e. they don't talk about themselves much and they keep up a polite facade so it's difficult to penetrate them fully.
 

sculpting

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I have only known two enfjs in real life. They both were nice, but very odd for me.

One I knew a few years back just started working with me again. A few years back when I told her that I had been a single mom and worked my way though undergrad and grad school but had receieved scholarships, she said she found single moms who relied on financial aid to be irresponsible and they had stolen her funding.

I had to leave the room and didnt interact w her after that. I was at a loss for words.

So now she works with me again and with my TypeC imparted Fe knowledge I am hoping to have a better second round. Especially since we just got paired up to write a strategic company business plan for an entire division.

Today she stopped by and just kept talking about what the group was doing. I then explained my goals and objectives, and scope of responsibilities and plan for how we could write the report and types of external data and intuition I felt she could offer that would be of value.. Then she just kept talking and talking...

So in my head I stepped through the "Fe steps"

1. Nod and listen politely. Actually listen and pay attention.
2. Practice sideways Fe eyes.
3. Try and be soft, open and receptive. focus on her or the group's needs, not mine or specific objectives..

WHAM....Ah she wants me to do something!!! That's why she keeps talking about the group and what they are doing.

"So what can I do to help out?" I then got tasked.

Do I get a gold star???? :D
 

ergophobe

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All ENFJs like to talk and take charge of the conversation. :yes: The ones I know are hilarious and witty and have great stories so it's fun. I don't see any of them talking about their issues too much - they're so outward focused, typical mother-hens, the menz and the womenz.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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I have only known two enfjs in real life. They both were nice, but very odd for me.

One I knew a few years back just started working with me again. A few years back when I told her that I had been a single mom and worked my way though undergrad and grad school but had receieved scholarships, she said she found single moms who relied on financial aid to be irresponsible and they had stolen her funding.

I had to leave the room and didnt interact w her after that. I was at a loss for words.

So now she works with me again and with my TypeC imparted Fe knowledge I am hoping to have a better second round. Especially since we just got paired up to write a strategic company business plan for an entire division.

Today she stopped by and just kept talking about what the group was doing. I then explained my goals and objectives, and scope of responsibilities and plan for how we could write the report and types of external data and intuition I felt she could offer that would be of value.. Then she just kept talking and talking...

So in my head I stepped through the "Fe steps"

1. Nod and listen politely. Actually listen and pay attention.
2. Practice sideways Fe eyes.
3. Try and be soft, open and receptive. focus on her or the group's needs, not mine or specific objectives..

WHAM....Ah she wants me to do something!!! That's why she keeps talking about the group and what they are doing.

"So what can I do to help out?" I then got tasked.

Do I get a gold star???? :D

Award-star-gold-3d.png


Yay! Typology pays off!
 

Afkan

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Jan 3, 2009
Messages
324
I mean everyone talks about themselves to some extent, but with ENFJs it's a bit too much. They're fixated on themselves. First they talk about how amazingly fantastical they are, then they start going on about how lost and depressed they are. :doh:

With most other types it's a good convo about anything and everything. With ENFJs the convo is all about them. Anyone else notice this?

Yes I do talk about myself. I find its a very successful tactic, to talk about how amazingly fantastical I am, and go on and on about it... especially when I can see too much about you and want to avoid prying, or becoming too close, or can see where the conversation may end up if I don't go on and on about myself and don't like it.

So yeah, that's pretty arrogant and self-centered, to want to control the convo like that.

It works super well. ;)
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
@Afkan: lol, I'm like that. It's like a deflecting tactic, eh? However, for me, it's just more my ideas/ current thoughts than anything really personal.
 

Afkan

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I'm referring to super annoying topics, like how amazing and fantastical I am. What reaction do you think an ENFJ like us would be seeking who was bragging forever about themselves?

Anyone? Anyone??? :)
@Afkan: lol, I'm like that. It's like a deflecting tactic, eh? However, for me, it's just more my ideas/ current thoughts than anything really personal.

:yes: There's that too.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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I'm referring to super annoying topics, like how amazing and fantastical I am. What reaction do you think an ENFJ like us would be seeking who was bragging forever about themselves?

Anyone? Anyone?

:laugh: i love it when people can own their shit.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I'm referring to super annoying topics, like how amazing and fantastical I am. What reaction do you think an ENFJ like us would be seeking who was bragging forever about themselves?

Anyone? Anyone??? :)
"Get the hell away from me... I'm trying to be as annoying as possible so that you don't bother me again." :D
 
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