User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 28

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    202

    Default So.... do all ENFJ's love talking about themself and their issues?

    I mean everyone talks about themselves to some extent, but with ENFJs it's a bit too much. They're fixated on themselves. First they talk about how amazingly fantastical they are, then they start going on about how lost and depressed they are.

    With most other types it's a good convo about anything and everything. With ENFJs the convo is all about them. Anyone else notice this?

  2. #2
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    1,087

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SUPER View Post
    I mean everyone talks about themselves to some extent, but with ENFJs it's a bit too much. They're fixated on themselves. First they talk about how amazingly fantastical they are, then they start going on about how lost and depressed they are.

    With most other types it's a good convo about anything and everything. With ENFJs the convo is all about them. Anyone else notice this?
    Maybe you're unlucky. The ENFJ I know doesn't talk about herself much at all. Though she is in her 30s/40s and has developed quite well.

    The pattern I see is than NFJs are very good at helping other people and their problems, but when they get to their own, we just get lost. At this point we seek advice; usually by complaining, which is the wrong way to go about it a lot of the time. We hope to find someone who can at least help us fix our problem, but the 'ideal' is someone who just fixes them then and there. That's utter fantasy and something that I find I have been learning to deal with. (Even if I seem to gravitate toward myself in conversations...)

    In short: Not all ENFJs talk about themselves too much.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Robert165's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    257

    Default

    i could easily see it being a problem
    it was for me
    its one of those things that takes a bit of selfawareness to overcome
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/robert165/

    I'm just trying to do this Jigsaw puzzle, before it rains anymore.

  4. #4
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    ENFJ
    Posts
    256

    Default

    I sometimes find myself doing this. But only with the people I really trust (my inner circle.) With other people, I'm more comfortable discussing their problems.
    I have no sense of humour.

  5. #5
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    This has a high potential of happening. I definitely do it and am not going to bullshit, saying i don't.
    Consider the ENFJ:
    This type is strongly based on their interactions with others and focuses so much energy on outwardly influencing people to see their potential and better themselves.
    If you spend so much time outwardly helping others, you start to lose yourself in the mix. ENFJs have to catch up to what they are trying to provide. How much stock can you put in someone's perspective if they can't see their own potential and strive for self-betterment?

    I would imagine that when we finally pry our focus off of other people, we just run with it as fast and as far as we possibly can because it isn't that easy to do in the first place. We're intense on top of that. We'll likely show that in full until we've caught ourselves up comfortably.

    Also consider that a lot of ENFJs do their own damage control (actually, i'd bet a lot of NFs do) so if we're the ones constantly reassuring other people... who reassures us when we need it? Who is to say that we know how to go about getting that reassurance? It's a process and at times you should embrace being taken along for the roller-coaster ride, but other times you need to point it out to us.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  6. #6
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    eNfj
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    660

    Default

    I would be quite the opposite. I am actually working on being more disclosing to people. When I am getting to know someone it ususally goes something like this:

    1. Me: Question about you.
    2. You: Answer the question.
    3. Me: Respond to your answer in depth, ask another question based on your answer.
    4. Go to step 2 and repeat.

    I was actually once called out on this by an ENFP. He said if he wasn't careful I would end up knowing everything about him including his social security number and he would know nothing about me. I actually get uncomfortable if the conversation is TOO focused on me. The only time I can be self-absorbed in conversation is when I am going through a rough patch and I am talking to a good friend. In which case, I am excrutiatingly aware of my self-absorbtion - which leads me to apologize and promise that I will be "back to my normal self" as soon as I get through whatever the issue is.

    I have met "me monters" of all types. I think it just boils down to how approval-seeking or just plain self-absorbed a person is.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  7. #7
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    xkcd
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INT_
    Posts
    10,733

    Default

    They can... much like ESFJs.

  8. #8
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,123

    Default

    They have the ability to... my sis talks about herself and such plenty, but it's drowned out in the fact that she talks about everything else as well!

    Simplified:

    she talks about herself more volumewise than an introvert
    she talks less about herself percentagewise than many introverts I know

    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  9. #9
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    eNfj
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    660

    Default

    I would agree with that assesment ^. I haven't met many ENFJs irl, but it seems to ring true for some reason.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #10
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    In my experience, an ENFJ who talks a lot about him/herself feels very close to you. I find them pretty guarded and they tend to reveal only tidbits as bait to get YOU to talk. Like most NFs, they seem more interested in future possibilities and ideas than the current happenings of life.

    I mentioned in another thread how they have an uncanny ability to create personal conversation without divulging personal info. They seem much more focused on the other person, which can be the flaw for them, because when they do turn the eye on themselves, they get very dark.

    I only have one ENFJ friend who struggles with depression who can be too focused on himself, but then he is talking to me, one of his closest friends. Observing him with more casual friends, he doesn't seem that way.

    I notice ESFJs I know will sometimes talk about themselves a lot, but it's usually because:

    1) They seem to enjoy relating experiences. It's not that they only want to yack about themselves, but this is how they connect to people, and they expect a return of info from you. To an introvert who may be less interested in discussing himself, it can wind up being all about the ESFJ, which was probably not their intention. They're probably disappointed you have not responded to what seemed a clear invitation to talk about your life also.

    2) Silence seems to make them nervous and they want to fill the gap, with anything.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

Similar Threads

  1. How do you find things to talk about?
    By baccheion in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-23-2013, 06:45 PM
  2. [SJ] SJs, what do you love doing, talking about, and thinking about?
    By Spin in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 10-08-2012, 03:15 PM
  3. [NF] So my NF brethren...lets talk about you...and other general stuff
    By FalseHeartDothKnow in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-20-2010, 03:58 AM
  4. [ENFJ] Do all ENFJs have some kind of miserable memories of childhood?
    By IEE623 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-30-2009, 06:34 AM
  5. What excites you? What do you wish people would talk about with you?
    By ladypinkington in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 08-05-2007, 03:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO