[NF] NFs: Getting on the Path to a Healthier You

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

I know that everyone's definition of what it means to be healthy is different, and I am by no means saying that any NFs are unhealthy or need to change. However, like any type, NFs can be unhealthy.


So for those NFs that once considered themselves unhealthy:

1. How did you start to reach a healthier you? Where did you begin?

2. Does it start with actions that you take, with beliefs that you hold, or both?

3. What was the hardest thing about yourself to change? What has been the hardest part of this path?

4. What things did you realize as you started to change?

5. What made you realize you wanted to, or perhaps needed to, try to reach a healthier you?

6. How did you truly know that you were changing for the better instead of just going backwards?

7. How do you keep yourself from going backwards? What keeps you working towards a better you?

8. What things are you still working on today?

9. What advice do you have for your fellow NFs whom are just beginning this path?



-Curious INFP

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

Changed it to all NF's (this being the NF arena). Any takers?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I will answer...it's a good thread. I just need to mull it over a bit.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

I will answer...it's a good thread. I just need to mull it over a bit.

Yay! Thanks, OrangeAppled!

 

[William K]

Yay! Thanks, OrangeAppled!

Hehe, my first thought when I saw the original OP was "Good luck finding INFPs with the self-esteem and self-confidence to consider themselves healthy, and willing to post their thoughts". I'm personally waiting for someone to take the plunge and make the first reply

 

[Scott N Denver]

Hehe, my first thought when I saw the original OP was "Good luck finding INFPs with the self-esteem and self-confidence to consider themselves healthy, and willing to post their thoughts". I'm personally waiting for someone to take the plunge and make the first reply

some of us have never considered ourselves unhealthy...

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

some of us have never considered ourselves unhealthy...

Good point, that's very true.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Hehe, my first thought when I saw the original OP was "Good luck finding INFPs with the self-esteem and self-confidence to consider themselves healthy, and willing to post their thoughts". I'm personally waiting for someone to take the plunge and make the first reply

I don't consider myself any model for health, but I feel I've grown/matured as a person, and I'm willing to discuss that.

I think there are more healthy INFPs than the stereotypes suggest. I notice INFPs over 30 often seemed very balanced (if not a little odd still ).

 

[Eckhart]

I don't know whether I am healthy (though I would say I am getting better than some time ago), so I guess I cannot answer these questions. Not sure about what people understand under healthy exactly either.

 

[Skyward]

1. How did you start to reach a healthier you? Where did you begin?

I began as an unsure worrier (I still am a lot, but it's better than before). If anything different than what I believed came into view I became unsure of everything about myself. I basically lived as an emotional house of cards.

2. Does it start with actions that you take, with beliefs that you hold, or both?

Both, sometimes action needs a certain belief to follow and sometimes, even if you don't believe something, just follow the idea and then it might make a lot more sense. Kind of like experimenting versus following your parents advice.

3. What was the hardest thing about yourself to change? What has been the hardest part of this path?

It is very hard to keep from worrying about what other people think about me, because if someone says something negative or mean at me I suddenly worry way too much about what kind of mistake I made. I hate making mistakes if I can help it. Especially mistakes that involve other people.

4. What things did you realize as you started to change?

Basically, I realized to stop worrying about what other people think and to accept input as a better perspective than mine if I can't fix the problem on my own. Understanding how people view me is just as important as understanding how I view myself and shouldn't be mixed up too much.

5. What made you realize you wanted to, or perhaps needed to, try to reach a healthier you?

I reached a really depressed point that was affecting my relationship with my current host family in a bad way. I couldn't be sure of anything anymore. I didn't know what I wanted or needed, and shrieked at the idea of responsibility.

6. How did you truly know that you were changing for the better instead of just going backwards?

When I wasn't worrying so much and dwelling on bad feelings and situations. Basically, I could weigh other views, idea, and information equally but still keep my own views as my own. They wouldn't get all mixed horribly.

7. How do you keep yourself from going backwards? What keeps you working towards a better you?

I keep problems further from consciousness if I can't think of an answer quickly. If the problem is important and involves other people, I ask for advice. Partly, I do not have any major responsibilities, since I'm growing up I want to be independent but am still steps away from leaving the home.

8. What things are you still working on today?

I continually practice to see things as they are any not to paint my feelings over it. Another thing to practice on is staying in the moment and accepting things as they come and go and not to dwell to hard on things. Only long enough to come to a constructive conclusion, otherwise I slip into an emotional slump.

9. What advice do you have for your fellow NFs whom are just beginning this path?

I'm still in the process, so really I can't wait to see what other things are in this thread.

Edit: Woot I'm the first person that answered!

 

[Biaxident]

I don't consider myself any model for health, but I feel I've grown/matured as a person, and I'm willing to discuss that.

I think there are more healthy INFPs than the stereotypes suggest. I notice INFPs over 30 often seemed very balanced (if not a little odd still ).

Who you calling odd?

Creepy carnivorous butterflies eating your face...And are you an apple, or an orange? Make up your mind.

 

[GirlFromMars]

Who you calling odd?

Creepy carnivorous butterflies eating your face...And are you an apple, or an orange? Make up your mind.

Haha.


Uh, I have no right to answer these questions. Maybe someday.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Who you calling odd?

Creepy carnivorous butterflies eating your face...And are you an apple, or an orange? Make up your mind.

I am an orange, but the world keeps trying to make me into an apple

 

[Stanton Moore]

You have to take action. Words and books don't work.

Then you have to maintain that action until all of the petty, ego-based self-talk is crushed, extinguished. this is difficult, because you fight yourself through inertia.

But it can be done.

When you throw yourself into cold water, you gasp, you gulp water, but don't get out. That's the discipline, and that's the level of panic that the ego uses to save itself from the pain of change.

 

[purplesunset]

Then you have to maintain that action until all of the petty, ego-based self-talk is crushed, extinguished. this is difficult, because you fight yourself through inertia.

But it can be done.

When you throw yourself into cold water, you gasp, you gulp water, but don't get out. That's the discipline, and that's the level of panic that the ego uses to save itself from the pain of change.

I see that someone else has discovered the role of the ego in impeding growth/blinding us to our faults etc. You have expressed this in much more..err...diplomatic terms than I ever did.

And you're absolutely right that there will be extremely painful growing pains involved as we learn to fight against our natural, automatic tendency for self-centric, ego-based actions/thoughts/sentiments etc.

You have to take action. Words and books don't work.

Let me focus on forums in particular. Forums are a bit of a double-edge sword. While I have gained tremendous knowledge through forums (especially from the regulars), there is an aspect of forums that can also stand in the way of growth.

More often than not, we go into auto-pilot where will see a response we like, nod in agreement, and then not really think about actually applying the newfound wisdom to our real life.

Suppose someone joins a forum for depression. At first, they are more concerned with finding other people who are in a similar situation as they are. This is understandable. While finding other people who are in a similar situation is a tremendous comfort that cannot be downplayed, why should it stop there?

Why should I be content to just say things like, "good point!" "Thanks for sharing!" Why not try to use all that newfound knowledge and apply it directly to my life?

Applying newfound wisdom does not necessarily have to be a [b/]conscious effort[/b]. It is enough to simply read, re-read, reflect, and ruminate over a particularly good forum post that rings true to you. Eventually, it will seep in to the sub-conscious and you will apply it sub-consciously. Our minds are amazing ! Neuroscience hasn't even scratched the surface in the specific realm of linguistics, and language is only one part of brains.

 

[PeaceBaby]

I notice INFPs over 30 often seemed very balanced (if not a little odd still ).

Still odd and proud of it!

 

[Skyward]

You have to take action. Words and books don't work.

Then you have to maintain that action until all of the petty, ego-based self-talk is crushed, extinguished. this is difficult, because you fight yourself through inertia.

But it can be done.

When you throw yourself into cold water, you gasp, you gulp water, but don't get out. That's the discipline, and that's the level of panic that the ego uses to save itself from the pain of change.

Exactly what I'm learning now. Thanks for summing it up in words. I have a problem with translating thoughts into language, so finding something that resonates exactly with what I was thinking is very refreshing.

EDIT: And why am I the only one who answered the questions? Granted nebbykoo made a great point, but still!

 

[William K]

Disclaimer : This post is more about healthy/unhealthy behaviours rather than people, i.e. I consider myself as a balanced functioning person with both healthy and unhealthy habits (such as putting disclaimers before posting)

1. How did you start to reach a healthier you? Where did you begin?

INFPs are supposedly the most self-aware type so learning to recognize what you are currently doing that is healthy and what is unhealthy is first. This is a very gray area of course, since what others consider unhealthy may be perfectly fine to me, and vice versa.

2. Does it start with actions that you take, with beliefs that you hold, or both?

It starts from within and changing of the mindset. If you can't convince yourself to do or stop doing something, how can your brain make your muscles do it?

3. What was the hardest thing about yourself to change? What has been the hardest part of this path?

Several people have talked about ego. I think that's the hardest. In my internal fantasy world, everything revolves around me. The real world doesn't work that way of course so learning not to be so self-centred was really tough.

4. What things did you realize as you started to change?

As you begin to see things in a detached way, you start to realize that things you are so worried about are really trivial stuff and you are truly wasting too much time ruminating over it. The world really isn't as cruel as you take it and it's not going out of it's way to put obstacles in your path. You also learn to appreciate what you have instead of lamenting on what you don't have.

5. What made you realize you wanted to, or perhaps needed to, try to reach a healthier you?

I've always been a reserved person (someone used the analogy of an iceberg, you only see a small part) but when whatever small part I show to the external world began affecting my family, friends and colleagues in such a way that they began avoiding me in my dark moods, it was time to try something different.

6. How did you truly know that you were changing for the better instead of just going backwards?

Less stress and less sleepless nights
And friends commenting that I look much 'friendlier' and more approachable.

7. How do you keep yourself from going backwards? What keeps you working towards a better you?

Oh I still indulge in the self-pitying, wallowing once in a while but once you figure out that not doing that makes you feel better, why would you want to go back?

8. What things are you still working on today?

I have very thin skin so that detaching thing in the answer to question 3 is an on-going process. I mean, some people reading this reply will think it is worthless, but that doesn't mean they think I'm worthless (or at least I hope not!). Heck, they probably don't even care who is the person writing the words.

Another thing is finding the balance between jumping to conclusions and over-thinking. Perhaps it's an Ne-Fi issue and I overuse my intuition to make assumptions without any outside confirmation. Or I think too much that all the positive stuff gets drowned out by the negative possibilities.

9. What advice do you have for your fellow NFs whom are just beginning this path?

Ack, advice sounds so....formal
I think most of it has been covered in the answers but one last word...
It really isn't all about you, and most if not all your self-doubts and fears are just in your head.

 

[stardancer]

1. How did you start to reach a healthier you? Where did you begin?
I can't really say how I started or where I began. I am very self aware and know when I am getting out of control. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated for a bit, but I eventually decide that I need to make a change.

2. Does it start with actions that you take, with beliefs that you hold, or both?
It starts with a mental decision that I cannot keep living in whatever state I am in, and then I take action. Action being seeking the help of a therapist and trusted friends and relatives.

3. What was the hardest thing about yourself to change? What has been the hardest part of this path?
The hardest part for me is remembering not to slip back in to past patterns that are self destructive. It's like I learn from it for a while and then eventually forget and start slipping back in to the chaos.

4. What things did you realize as you started to change?
That I have lots of unresolved emotional traumas that have shaped me in to who I am now. Though I try to present a tougher exterior, I am pretty fragile emotionally. I am still working on that part.

5. What made you realize you wanted to, or perhaps needed to, try to reach a healthier you?
Again, being very self aware. I know when I am headed down the unhealthy path.

6. How did you truly know that you were changing for the better instead of just going backwards?

I don't always know. I sometimes ask friends for help making objective decisions rather than those based on emotion. If I always go with emotion I am not sure I could move forward.

7. How do you keep yourself from going backwards? What keeps you working towards a better you?
Slipping backwards is inevitable occasionally. I am fighting some really strong natural inclinations.


8. What things are you still working on today?
I am always working on not seeking validation all the time from other people

9. What advice do you have for your fellow NFs whom are just beginning this path?
Make friends with a thinker so you can get some objective advice....lol. Seriously, staying healthy can really be a struggle. Don't beat yourself up if you slip back in to old behaviors or patterns. Acknowledge it and then start over again.

 

[nolla]

Hehe, my first thought when I saw the original OP was "Good luck finding INFPs with the self-esteem and self-confidence to consider themselves healthy, and willing to post their thoughts".

:hi: Me! I consider myself relatively healthy...

However, like any type, NFs can be unhealthy.

So for those NFs that once considered themselves unhealthy

I consider anyone unhealthy until they are on sage level of health. So, hello, my name is nolla and I am unhealthy.

1. How did you start to reach a healthier you? Where did you begin?

I realized my life was not lived by me but the expectations of people and my fears/inhibitions.

2. Does it start with actions that you take, with beliefs that you hold, or both?

Beliefs.

3. What was the hardest thing about yourself to change? What has been the hardest part of this path?

Breaking the beliefs with logic was hard. Putting the newly evolved world-view in action was hard too, but in a different way. It was more like a jump off the cliff while breaking the beliefs was a labyrinth.

4. What things did you realize as you started to change?

That I could actually make my life anything I wanted. That I am not as worthless as I believed I was.

5. What made you realize you wanted to, or perhaps needed to, try to reach a healthier you?

I had isolated myself from life in order to not feel pain. The pain found me, and it did it wouldn't leave without me changing my ways.

6. How did you truly know that you were changing for the better instead of just going backwards?

I had a hunch Well, I kinda did. I just applied logic to my life. "Why does this thing happen to me?" >> "Because I am like this" >> "Why am I like this?" >> "Because this thing happened in the past" >> "Does it need to control me?", "Why did it happen?", "Was I to blame?"

7. How do you keep yourself from going backwards? What keeps you working towards a better you?

No, it's not possible to go backwards since I now know where I came from. I would notice going backwards. My mistakes keep me working. I have a conscience that will not give me a break.

8. What things are you still working on today?

I think I need to focus on the closest relationships I have. I'm sure there are still some things I haven't worked out. But, it's been easy lately. No major obstacles. Usually I just try to stick to my code and it keeps me on the right track.

9. What advice do you have for your fellow NFs whom are just beginning this path?

If someone is in the state I was, it would be kinda hard for me to say anything that would truly help. But, someone who is at the point they are looking for help, I think they should let their fears guide them. Go and do the scariest thing you know. And remember to think about it. Most of the fears are waste of time and keep you from living.