[INFP] INFP + INFP

[Wiley45]

Is it common for INFP's to be attracted to other INFP's romantically? I have never, ever in my life been attracted to another INFP in terms of any sort of relationship, though I am very attracted to INFP's as friends, since we connect very well.

I think two INFP's together would, more often than not, be a disaster, and I can't see how any two INFP's could be interested in each other romantically if they are so much alike. (Unless, maybe one or both was not a strong INFP and more balanced toward the middle.)

Thoughts? Have you ever known two INFP's to be attracted in more than a 'good friends' capacity?

 

[Eckhart]

There is this one person. I am not sure about her type to 100%. Sometimes I think she is more extroverted (and all my other introverted friends would sure say so too), but then I also see enough indications of introvertedness, especially when being with other extroverted people or in bigger groups. Heard often enough that less introverted people keep up the "entertaining" part among other introverted people and so seem extroverted (can see it on my self sometimes even), I think it is the same here. I tend to say it is INFP.

Yeah, I totally fell in love to her, hopelessly lost. And I still am, although I know already for long there is no really realistic chance anymore that something more will happen out of it. Still being some kind of friends though, probably would be much more close if I hadn't messed up things by being so damn passive, since she made enough approaches of at least a closer friendship in the beginning.

A disaster however it never was.

 

[OrangeAppled]

When INFP globalchatter was around, a lot of INFPs expressed that they felt another INFP would be their ideal match. However, that was in theory, as many did not know any other INFPs to date.

I've personally met only one INFP guy (he tested INFP anyway), and we did not mesh in person. I think we both found each other dull, despite many shared interests. He struck me as self-absorbed and thoughtless, but that may be an age/maturity thing (he was several years younger than me).

Online, most of the INFP guys I've talked to give me a friend vibe. I could see us being buddies, but romance seems unlikely.

I talked to this guy briefly when I was younger, and he may have been INFP, but it's hard to say for sure. I rather liked him, but we were both too painfully shy and it seemed like we both stalled at the starting line. There was some post on this board where the person compared two INFPs to two cars at a intersection with no light; each keeps waiting for the other to go first . I thought that sounded pretty accurate.

 

[Lauren]

There is this one person. I am not sure about her type to 100%. Sometimes I think she is more extroverted (and all my other introverted friends would sure say so too), but then I also see enough indications of introvertedness, especially when being with other extroverted people or in bigger groups. Heard often enough that less introverted people keep up the "entertaining" part among other introverted people and so seem extroverted (can see it on my self sometimes even), I think it is the same here. I tend to say it is INFP.

Yeah, I totally fell in love to her, hopelessly lost. And I still am, although I know already for long there is no really realistic chance anymore that something more will happen out of it. Still being some kind of friends though, probably would be much more close if I hadn't messed up things by being so damn passive, since she made enough approaches of at least a closer friendship in the beginning.

A disaster however it never was.

Ekhart, it may not be too late. If it's one thing I've come to learn is that things change in romantic situations. Sometimes they don't die but are fermenting. She may still be open to you approaching her for a romantic relationship. As you say, it's not been a disaster of any kind, so that's good. And, you're still in love with her. She may still have those feelings for you.

As for another INFP, I think my friend is an INFP or INFJ, I haven't decided yet. For that matter, he may be an E but I don't think so as he becomes animated for a while but then closes down (like me). Personally, I love the understanding with another INFP. I won't ever get involved with another ST or SP again---there's too much work with too little reward. I'm very intuitive and need someone who is intuitive as well. Otherwise, communication can be a challenge as they don't understand where I'm coming from and I grow tired of explaining. Of course, there are always exceptions, that's just my personal experience and feeling at this point.

 

[Snuggletron]

There was some post on this board where the person compared two INFPs to two cars at a intersection with no light; each keeps waiting for the other to go first . I thought that sounded pretty accurate.

 

[Wiley45]

Eckhart, I agree with Lauren! You should pursue it and see what happens. Maybe you'll be the first INFP + INFP success story I've heard!

 

[sleuthiness]

I don't know if this thread topic is asking a question that hasn't been asked on this forum dozens of times before.

Regardless, I'm finding myself becoming slowly infatuated with an infp woman who works as a librarian. She has pretty much everything I'm looking for: decent amount of ambition, good balance of humor and realism, charm, grace, and a shrewd intellect (she's always, always reading between the lines, which can be both cute and annoying at times - like giving a kitten a ball of yarn to paw around). Above all, I love her inherent kind/tenderness. Conversations tend to stretch and stretch and stretch, bouncing from enthusiasm to anger to joy again, all within one talk. We might start the morning by playfully kicking/pushing each other around on the couch or reading enneagram material and arguing about it to whatever. It's getting to the point where I'm sifting through every possible scenario that'll get us moving in the right direction, because I want (approaching "need") her in my future.

 

[Wiley45]

Candylandjoe, that's really sweet.

(I did search for similar threads before I posted this, but I didn't really come up with much. If this is a duplicate, I'd be happy for someone to give us a link to what's already been discussed.)

 

[BlueSprout]

When INFP globalchatter was around, a lot of INFPs expressed that they felt another INFP would be their ideal match. However, that was in theory, as many did not know any other INFPs to date.

I've personally met only one INFP guy (he tested INFP anyway), and we did not mesh in person. I think we both found each other dull, despite many shared interests. He struck me as self-absorbed and thoughtless, but that may be an age/maturity thing (he was several years younger than me).

Online, most of the INFP guys I've talked to give me a friend vibe. I could see us being buddies, but romance seems unlikely.

I talked to this guy briefly when I was younger, and he may have been INFP, but it's hard to say for sure. I rather liked him, but we were both too painfully shy and it seemed like we both stalled at the starting line. There was some post on this board where the person compared two INFPs to two cars at a intersection with no light; each keeps waiting for the other to go first . I thought that sounded pretty accurate.

Like some of the GC posters, theoretically at least, I can't see myself with a non-INFP. It probably just means I'm not ready for a relationship, though. On one hand, another INFP just seems like an easier fit to the way I approach and live my life. He/she wouldn't force me to be far more outgoing, active, goal oriented or disciplined than I already am. On the other hand, that lack of conflict has little bearing on the values and interests that I would also like to share with a SO.

I totally relate to a lot of what you've experienced and concluded. Unfortunately, I find the few other INFPs I know pretty unstimulating sometimes. I definitely don't experience raw attraction with them, either. The cars passing at an intersection with no light analogy really makes sense to me as well. The first move would have to be made by the other person 9 times out of 10 - and I assume that other INFPs often have just as many reservations about putting themselves out there as I do.

 

[Eckhart]

@Lauren / Wiley: That's really nice words you give me, thank you. But well, she is already in a relationship with some guy, and we don't hear very much anymore from each other. I only know that she has not totally forgotten me and probably she would see me as a friend still, but I guess she surrendered (may it be for a close friendship or really a romantic relationship, I don't know exactly, she never said me) on me already, which I can understand. The most important thing for me anyway is that she is happy, whether it is with me or with someone else, even though it hurts me that she is with another.

But well, I will still look how it goes, what else is there left for me, since I never felt like that for any other person.

 

[CzeCze]

I can't see two INFPs together in general. Unless there is something to pull one out of each other (damn...that sentence didn't even make sense, lol). I've dated a few INFPs. One INFP I dated had no interest even friendship wise in another INFP we know. She said the other INFPs art was "strange" and did not seem to care for it. Actually, my INFP roommate/friend and the last INFP I dated butted heads and did not like one another.

And I think especially if you are an INFP (perhaps introvert in general?) who feels you have issues with awkwardness and being too introverted, you are not going to want to attach yourself (or have the persistence) to try to date another awkward very introverted person.

If you have no such issues, I think the field would be more open for you to date another INFP and other introverts in general. Not saying that all introverts or INFP are awkward, just speaking to how a person's own hang ups or concerns really affects their attraction and willingness to engage with others.

I know two INFPs (they both tested as INFP on online tests, not sure if results were accurate though) who are fabulous friends but they are also both highly artistic and share a lot of interests. One is also clearly more outspoken and temperamental than the other.

I've also heard eccentric people call other people "weird" in a negative way. Since INFPs are a type that's highly likely to be considered "eccentric"...

From my personal INFP pool it seems INFPs are attracted to those that are more extroverted/socially skilled then them and/or those they find more intelligent.

This is somewhat similar with INTPs - I don't think INTPs are necessarily drawn to other INTPs for dating or friendship. At all. Types that are more likely to be drawn to each other for friendship or dating include ENFPs to other ENFPs.

 

[ObliviousExistence]

INFP + INFP = ESTJ

 

[Lauren]

I can't see two INFPs together in general. Unless there is something to pull one out of each other (damn...that sentence didn't even make sense, lol). I've dated a few INFPs. One INFP I dated had no interest even friendship wise in another INFP we know. She said the other INFPs art was "strange" and did not seem to care for it. Actually, my INFP roommate/friend and the last INFP I dated butted heads and did not like one another.

And I think especially if you are an INFP (perhaps introvert in general?) who feels you have issues with awkwardness and being too introverted, you are not going to want to attach yourself (or have the persistence) to try to date another awkward very introverted person.

If you have no such issues, I think the field would be more open for you to date another INFP and other introverts in general. Not saying that all introverts or INFP are awkward, just speaking to how a person's own hang ups or concerns really affects their attraction and willingness to engage with others.

I know two INFPs (they both tested as INFP on online tests, not sure if results were accurate though) who are fabulous friends but they are also both highly artistic and share a lot of interests. One is also clearly more outspoken and temperamental than the other.

I've also heard eccentric people call other people "weird" in a negative way. Since INFPs are a type that's highly likely to be considered "eccentric"...

From my personal INFP pool it seems INFPs are attracted to those that are more extroverted/socially skilled then them and/or those they find more intelligent.

This is somewhat similar with INTPs - I don't think INTPs are necessarily drawn to other INTPs for dating or friendship. At all. Types that are more likely to be drawn to each other for friendship or dating include ENFPs to other ENFPs.

It does depend on the type of INFP you encounter. My friend and me are on the same frequency, and there was instant chemistry between us, as if we had no barriers at all. I think the stop light analogy is a valid one--for all of the obvious attraction and wonderful conversations we've had, neither one of us (for a while anyway) made a definitive move. Mmm, I'm thinking now that we both may be the same type.

I fell in love with another INFP many years ago and there was instant attraction there as well. We became very good friends and remain so today. Both of these men I met in work situations, which helps to bring you together. Otherwise, the INFPs I've known have been in a creative graduate program and they were too introverted to be approached easily. As am I. As much as I liked some of the men I met there, the ones I got to know a little were the ones who were forced to interact in a group situation.

So, I agree with the bolded above regarding an INFP and INFP working well together.

 

[Stanton Moore]

It could work. I've never met anyone and wondered what type they are. Really. It has ZERO to do with attraction.
I was almost in a relationship with an INFP, but I pulled away because of the constant talk of fairies and pixies, and this wierd 'guru' she has who turned my stomach. I just couldn't support her delusions. So my reluctance to get involved had more to do with the fallout of her history (massive father issues) rather than her character, or anything as abstract as type. she is a very carring person uder all the mania.
But if two people are open, flexible and share some interests, I see no reason why it couldn't work.

 

[teslashock]

Is it common for INFP's to be attracted to other INFP's romantically? I have never, ever in my life been attracted to another INFP in terms of any sort of relationship, though I am very attracted to INFP's as friends, since we connect very well.

I think two INFP's together would, more often than not, be a disaster, and I can't see how any two INFP's could be interested in each other romantically if they are so much alike. (Unless, maybe one or both was not a strong INFP and more balanced toward the middle.)

Thoughts? Have you ever known two INFP's to be attracted in more than a 'good friends' capacity?

In my limited experience with INFP/INFP relations (my best friend/roommate who was with another INFP for 3+ years), it seemed to work out alright. Both were very into creative expression, so they bonded over that. But both just ended up being huge doormats for each other, and it seemed to approach the point of emotional dishonesty. Each would avoid saying something to hurt the other, and their relationship ended up being just one big clump of lies veiled by hugs and smiles. The happiness of each was just so dependent on the happiness of the other, and by the time they realized that both were unhappy, things started to kind of implode (I guess that's an Fi thing?). It's like they got along on an Ne level, but on an Fi level, things were kind of fucked. That's not guaranteed to happen though; both were pretty emotionally unstable. I didn't have 100% insight into their relationship either (obviously), but that's the impression I got from the stories I've heard from each angle.

I wouldn't rule out relationships based on type anyway. That's just silly, and hopefully the OP knows that.

But with INFP/INFP love, so long as you have an exorbitant amount of Kleenex (lotion-infused is optimal), a couple of buckets handy, and zero razor blades in sight, you should be fine.

 

[Wiley45]

I wouldn't rule out relationships based on type anyway. That's just silly, and hopefully the OP knows that.

(I do know that, of course. It just seems to me like attraction usually occurs when someone else is at least slightly different from you, so it's hard for me to imagine two INFP's even being attracted unless they weren't extremely INFP.)

 

[runvardh]

There are a number of other things that have to align right for two INFPs to get together and manage to stay together without it being complete hell. With so many varied values, just that alone can turn into a big contention point as both sides see themselves as right. Also, the less mature they are the smaller the percent tolerance will be when it comes to those differences. I know there are many things that I prefer and do that would make some of the other INFPs on this board explode.

 

[teslashock]

(I do know that, of course. It just seems to me like attraction usually occurs when someone else is at least slightly different from you, so it's hard for me to imagine two INFP's even being attracted unless they weren't extremely INFP.)

Two people of the same type != two people who are not different from each other. Same type relations can work out quite well, so long as each has different interests to bring to the table and each has different strengths/weaknesses, and that's of course true of any relations, regardless of type. Still seems to me like you're using type as a filter for relationships or a way of categorizing which relations will work out well, and again, that's just silly.

 

[teslashock]

INFP + INFP = ESTJ

Lol maybe.

 

[Wiley45]

I don't know a lot of INFP's in real life, and the handful I do know are too similar to me to ever work in a hypothetical relationship, so maybe I'm only drawing from my RL experience, which is admittedly narrow...