[ENFP] ENFP+INTJ=Disasterous Combo o' love

[Thalassa]

What I meant is that it's incredibly hard to trust an ENFP.

This isn't just about ENFPs being scattered ENFPs. This is also about INTJs being less than trusting by their own right.

 

[sculpting]

What I meant is that it's incredibly hard to trust an ENFP.
ENFPs are also good at geeky things, I know. That's kind of why we'd be prone to like ENFPs, I think.

Be careful not to mistake the external silly switch and tert Te emo for an inability to commit. We can look exceptionally fickle/silly/unpredictable on the surface, but as we grow into our Te it gives us a sense of strength and commitment. Combined with Fi-a sense of idealism.

You may see drama, but what you are building is a more resilient enfp I think. I dunno, never dated an INTJ myself, but had quite a few as friends.

 

[SillySapienne]

Are ENFPs silly?

Hell yes!

Do we have a silly switch, yessir

But, my silliness has very little to do with my Fi as it does with my Ne!

My Fi is actually quite serious.

It can be switched on, I guess, but it would be more like a beauty-switch, or a compassion-switch, or a I'm-fucking-appalled switch.


Does this make sense to you guys?

:/

 

[FormItype]

Okay, but I have a question

I'm an INTJ male who began interacting online with and now have gone out with a wonderful ENFP. She's wicked smart, funny, and completely animated. Just a week ago she was sending me poems and sexually suggestive paintings, but in the last few days it's seemed she was pulling away. She invited me to the museum with her yesterday, and we had a wonderful time, but her texts today have been almost terse and have included none of the playfulness they did even a few days ago. I really like this woman, but I don't know what to do.

 

[Anastar]

I'm an INTF male who began interacting online with and now have gone out with a wonderful ENFP. She's wicked smart, funny, and completely animated. Just a week ago she was sending me poems and sexually suggestive paintings, but in the last few days it's seemed she was pulling away. She invited me to the museum with her yesterday, and we had a wonderful time, but her texts today have been almost terse and have included none of the playfulness they did even a few days ago. I really like this woman, but I don't know what to do.

She might just be busy or distracted or she could be immature, bored, or disinterested. Don't text or call her anymore, let her call you...if she remembers.

 

[onemoretime]

Young ENFPs do plenty of reading, introspecting, geeky/nerdy stuff, soaking in, exploring and integrating new information, i.e. learning, getting into esoteric shit, and other things typically attributed to being a T, or, more specifically, an INT.

But more than that, your average ENFP is going to be a "soul searcher" from a very young age, she will ask herself who she is, and constantly find herself and attempt to truly understand herself.

Self-awareness is something that Fi forces upon yourself, so even though we are experimental stimulus whores, within the whirl of excitement there is the Fi center/core/anchor/Self constantly there keeping us in check.

You can always tell the difference between a young ENFP and ENTP in that the former revels in their geekiness, while the latter doesn't particularly like the stigma associated with it (still desires Fe-ish popularity). To keep this in line with the thread, the young INTJ has much too important things to be doing than to quibble about such social status classifications.

 

[SillySapienne]

Something's up.

I pull away when I lose interest, because I'm avoidant about hurting or rejecting someone. :/

Only recently, I'm 27 btw, have I gotten the proverbial balls to flat-out tell a guy why I'm no longer interested.

Also, when I'm not *exclusively* seeing someone, I usually find myself involved with, to varying degrees, different guys.

When I like you, you will know, I will be effusive and enthusiatic towards you, highly receptive and responsive to you, and pretty damn bold!!!

Granted, shit comes up.

If I really like a guy and I feel like too many barriers are in the way of our being together, or if I keep trying to make things work, to no avail, I will eventually abort the mission.

Sometimes, I really like a guy but deep down I know it would never work and that we wouldn't be right for each other.

Long story short, if an ENFP likes you in a serious romantic sense, you should know by all the attention she'll explicitly give you and ninja:-style give you, yeah we obsess over those we crush on).

I share my poetry with friends and potential mates, and we're provocotive by nature, so I guess we can mislead guys into thinking we like them more than just in a platonic sense.

:/

 

[SillySapienne]

You can always tell the difference between a young ENFP and ENTP in that the former revels in their geekiness, while the latter doesn't particularly like the stigma associated with it (still desires Fe-ish popularity). To keep this in line with the thread, the young INTJ has much too important things to be doing than to quibble about such social status classifications.

Ummmmmm....

As an ENFP we don't give a flying fuckasaurus about social status, popularity, and what people (we don't give a shit about) think of us.

We are fiercely independent spirits.

We will stand alone in a crowd, and stand alone in our beliefs, we don't need trivial social approval.

 

[FormItype]

SillySapien, then...

Hmm. Obviously not the answer I was hoping for. She's 48, a very successful professional woman and, through the first three times we went out, it seemed extremely into me. Would she change her mind just in the last few days? And, being a relatively clueless INTJ, why would she have invited me to the museum yesterday if she was losing interest? Am I just grasping at straws?

 

[Kalach]

You seem unusually tentative for a mature INTJ. You're not in cougar territory, are you?

 

[onemoretime]

Ummmmmm....

As an ENFP we don't give a flying fuckasaurus about social status, popularity, and what people (we don't give a shit about) think of us.

We are fiercely independent spirits.

We will stand alone in a crowd, and stand alone in our beliefs, we don't need trivial social approval.

Social approval ain't trivial. Not in the least bit. We didn't evolve that way.

 

[FormItype]

No, sadly, in this particular situation, I really AM a tentative mature INTJ. 52 to be exact. Just incredibly confused, and a little sad. Your advice on the various threads has been quite good. Anything that you can offer here?

 

[SillySapienne]

Groupthink, and majority rules mentality has its benefits, but it can also lead to some awful, awful shit.

Approval is important, but *selective* approval is where it's at.

I don't know, I think people can still be good, and cooperative while still staying true to themselves.

It's about honesty and integrity.

I can't stand fakeness and pretenses, all for the sake of approval.

The world would be a lot better place if people were more concerned with liking themselves more than they were with being "well-liked".

 

[SillySapienne]

Hmm. Obviously not the answer I was hoping for. She's 48, a very successful professional woman and, through the first three times we went out, it seemed extremely into me. Would she change her mind just in the last few days? And, being a relatively clueless INTJ, why would she have invited me to the museum yesterday if she was losing interest? Am I just grasping at straws?

Perhaps to give it one last chance?

She could have really been into you, and then, something about you, or the situation turned her off, not sexually, mind you, but just an intuition kinda way.

Perhaps something(s) just didn't feel right, yet, she wasn't sure, so she asked you out to the museum to see/feel out if what she felt was accurate/valid, and her pulling away after this last meeting leads me to believe that she might have, in fact, lost interest.

:/

I could be wrong, though.

Also, I am guilty of projecting, here.

 

[Kalach]

No, sadly, in this particular situation, I really AM a tentative mature INTJ. 52 to be exact. Just incredibly confused, and a little sad. Your advice on the various threads has been quite good. Anything that you can offer here?

ENFP specific advice? Naw.

But in recent times I've found myself really liking the lesson that comes out of examining tertiary temptation. Stereotypically for INTJs, inferior Se--aka the sense that the real world is just a little too far out of our reach to grant us the ability to make a plan come true--inferior Se prompts Fi to feel bad which prompts intuition to start dreaming bad dreams, which prompt the person to decide to call everything off and retreat because we just know everything's going to hell. The way out is to say, well, I've thought about this as much as I can and I don't know what's happening, but I'm a part of it now so using what I do know I'll take some action. I'll choose to make it a positive constructive action. And I'll look forward to seeing what happens because when the action's done, I'll have a lot of new information and I'll have an idea of what to do next.

It works pretty well and one ends up feeling good about oneself. Even if the outcome is not the best one, you get a sense of progression instead of spinning the wheels. I guess in this particular case, think of a date you'd like to go on, and then ask her to come with you. Proactive, and you get a chance to find out what's real.

 

[SillySapienne]

I guess in this particular case, think of a date you'd like to go on, and then ask her to come with you. Proactive, and you get a chance to find out what's real.

Not proactive, potentially destructive, actually.



In other words...

BAD IDEA!!!!

If she's pulling away give her some SPACE!!!

Obviously, that's what she wants/needs.

 

[SillySapienne]

She invited me to the museum with her yesterday, and we had a wonderful time, but her texts today have been almost terse and have included none of the playfulness they did even a few days ago..

For an ENFP, this is a sign, a BIG one.

I am not every ENFP woman, obviously, but I do EXACTLY this when I want to passively reject, or disconnect from someone.

 

[Kalach]

Well there you go FormI, the best advice is to learn how to read minds.

Because, as you know, ENFPs really, really don't like the opportunity to speak their mind truthfully. Like, say, if you called up and said lets have a date, and she said, gee I don't know, and you said, it's a bad time? and she said....


Too, too, too much like communication and actually relating to people to actually consider doing it, yeah Silly?


Fuck signs. Ask.




How did you get to be so retarded in this category of ENFP-ness? The people-people don't like relating to people and having the opportunity to be authentic?



EDIT: Aw, damn, I'm being mean again. The advice to an INTJ to be proactive is in essence advice about feeding intuition with real information. The alternative is an INTJ sitting in isolation, mesmerized by visions of all that can go wrong. Seeking change and construction is life-affirming.

 

[SillySapienne]

If you want to ask her what's up, why the distance, that's cool.

But, prepare yourself for potential overt rejection.

ENFPs are notoriously known for having people mistake their natural charm and interest for romantic interest.

And, honestly, persistance has never paid off for me, as in, when a guy I was not romantically interested in continued to pursue me, my lack of interest would not change.

I would not call myself a heart-breaker per se, but I think I have let a lot of men/people down, because they enjoyed my company, and I theirs, but I was not able nor willing to give them all of me, or a lot of me, or give them what they wanted from me.

Maybe she can sense how much you like her, and she feels guilty for not reciprocating the feelings?

I don't know.

But a decrease in enthusiasm during the courting process, in general, and ESPECIALLY for enfps is a bad sign, sorry, Kalach, it just is.

FormI, I'm not trying to be insensitive here, I am just being honest, and I don't think, granted, with the very little information you've indulged us with, that the situation seems hopeful. :/

I wish some other ENFPs would chime in, here.

I am just one girl, one ENFP, and this is what I read in between the lines of your story.

Now, if this girl were an INTP, or a T, I'd give you more uplifting advice/feedback.

But, I know how ENFPs generally do.

And, her being "terse" and markedly less playful with you via *text message* is not a good sign.

 

[SillySapienne]

Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on,

Granted, we're not Fe users, but we don't like hurting people's feelings, especially people we care about.

Her being "terse" is the equivalent of her avoiding the conflict of having to experience, first-hand, letting you down, or hurting your feelings.