I've only read about a 1/10th of this thread but I want to proclaim that
I am a TEXTBOOK ENFP and my boyfriend recently identified as an INTJ and
I. LOVE. HIM.
Yes, judging is hard on us humanity-loving Idealists but I respect his ability to quickly come to conclusions. I feel an idealist with a rational is wonderfully balanced. He keeps me grounded & helps me with routine and follow-through, reminds me to stay centered. I keep him in perpetual high spirits, offer alternatives and suggestions, and get to show someone who doesn't emote so much true loving sentiment -- only the best for someone who finds not much use for feelings.
We are alike in many ways and we reach it from opposite ends (we both like to forever self-improve, we both value independence, respect personal space...) As an ENFP who highly values a deep personal core I find my INTJ boyfriend's expansive and somewhat privatized inner world ENDLESSLY FASCINATING. Love it!
ENFPs have an introverted corner to them. I say we are so social that it makes us anti-social (people feel overwhelmed or intimidated by us...the negative reaction is isolating when we are so socially motivated). Relating to my own introversion helps me see through when it seems like my anti-social, arrogant, uber-rational boyfriend will never care about my inner world of feeling. He does though in his logical way and the benefit of the dichotomy: it provides opportunity for us to constantly improve our communication and almost have our own private language.. something I find very sexy as an ENFP!
PS -- a majority of other INTJ men are highly irritating to me but I think the right one is accentuating the best in me in and I in him. I strive for complementary not compensatory!