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  1. #351
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Ummmmmm....

    As an ENFP we don't give a flying fuckasaurus about social status, popularity, and what people (we don't give a shit about) think of us.

    We are fiercely independent spirits.

    We will stand alone in a crowd, and stand alone in our beliefs, we don't need trivial social approval.
    Social approval ain't trivial. Not in the least bit. We didn't evolve that way.

  2. #352
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    No, sadly, in this particular situation, I really AM a tentative mature INTJ. 52 to be exact. Just incredibly confused, and a little sad. Your advice on the various threads has been quite good. Anything that you can offer here?

  3. #353
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Groupthink, and majority rules mentality has its benefits, but it can also lead to some awful, awful shit.

    Approval is important, but *selective* approval is where it's at.

    I don't know, I think people can still be good, and cooperative while still staying true to themselves.

    It's about honesty and integrity.

    I can't stand fakeness and pretenses, all for the sake of approval.

    The world would be a lot better place if people were more concerned with liking themselves more than they were with being "well-liked".

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  4. #354
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FormItype View Post
    Hmm. Obviously not the answer I was hoping for. She's 48, a very successful professional woman and, through the first three times we went out, it seemed extremely into me. Would she change her mind just in the last few days? And, being a relatively clueless INTJ, why would she have invited me to the museum yesterday if she was losing interest? Am I just grasping at straws?
    Perhaps to give it one last chance?

    She could have really been into you, and then, something about you, or the situation turned her off, not sexually, mind you, but just an intuition kinda way.

    Perhaps something(s) just didn't feel right, yet, she wasn't sure, so she asked you out to the museum to see/feel out if what she felt was accurate/valid, and her pulling away after this last meeting leads me to believe that she might have, in fact, lost interest.

    :/

    I could be wrong, though.

    Also, I am guilty of projecting, here.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #355
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FormItype View Post
    No, sadly, in this particular situation, I really AM a tentative mature INTJ. 52 to be exact. Just incredibly confused, and a little sad. Your advice on the various threads has been quite good. Anything that you can offer here?
    ENFP specific advice? Naw.

    But in recent times I've found myself really liking the lesson that comes out of examining tertiary temptation. Stereotypically for INTJs, inferior Se--aka the sense that the real world is just a little too far out of our reach to grant us the ability to make a plan come true--inferior Se prompts Fi to feel bad which prompts intuition to start dreaming bad dreams, which prompt the person to decide to call everything off and retreat because we just know everything's going to hell. The way out is to say, well, I've thought about this as much as I can and I don't know what's happening, but I'm a part of it now so using what I do know I'll take some action. I'll choose to make it a positive constructive action. And I'll look forward to seeing what happens because when the action's done, I'll have a lot of new information and I'll have an idea of what to do next.

    It works pretty well and one ends up feeling good about oneself. Even if the outcome is not the best one, you get a sense of progression instead of spinning the wheels. I guess in this particular case, think of a date you'd like to go on, and then ask her to come with you. Proactive, and you get a chance to find out what's real.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  6. #356
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    I guess in this particular case, think of a date you'd like to go on, and then ask her to come with you. Proactive, and you get a chance to find out what's real.
    Not proactive, potentially destructive, actually.



    In other words...

    BAD IDEA!!!!

    If she's pulling away give her some SPACE!!!

    Obviously, that's what she wants/needs.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #357
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FormItype View Post
    She invited me to the museum with her yesterday, and we had a wonderful time, but her texts today have been almost terse and have included none of the playfulness they did even a few days ago..
    For an ENFP, this is a sign, a BIG one.

    I am not every ENFP woman, obviously, but I do EXACTLY this when I want to passively reject, or disconnect from someone.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #358
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Well there you go FormI, the best advice is to learn how to read minds.

    Because, as you know, ENFPs really, really don't like the opportunity to speak their mind truthfully. Like, say, if you called up and said lets have a date, and she said, gee I don't know, and you said, it's a bad time? and she said....


    Too, too, too much like communication and actually relating to people to actually consider doing it, yeah Silly?


    Fuck signs. Ask.




    How did you get to be so retarded in this category of ENFP-ness? The people-people don't like relating to people and having the opportunity to be authentic?



    EDIT: Aw, damn, I'm being mean again. The advice to an INTJ to be proactive is in essence advice about feeding intuition with real information. The alternative is an INTJ sitting in isolation, mesmerized by visions of all that can go wrong. Seeking change and construction is life-affirming.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  9. #359
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    If you want to ask her what's up, why the distance, that's cool.

    But, prepare yourself for potential overt rejection.

    ENFPs are notoriously known for having people mistake their natural charm and interest for romantic interest.

    And, honestly, persistance has never paid off for me, as in, when a guy I was not romantically interested in continued to pursue me, my lack of interest would not change.

    I would not call myself a heart-breaker per se, but I think I have let a lot of men/people down, because they enjoyed my company, and I theirs, but I was not able nor willing to give them all of me, or a lot of me, or give them what they wanted from me.

    Maybe she can sense how much you like her, and she feels guilty for not reciprocating the feelings?

    I don't know.

    But a decrease in enthusiasm during the courting process, in general, and ESPECIALLY for enfps is a bad sign, sorry, Kalach, it just is.

    FormI, I'm not trying to be insensitive here, I am just being honest, and I don't think, granted, with the very little information you've indulged us with, that the situation seems hopeful. :/

    I wish some other ENFPs would chime in, here.

    I am just one girl, one ENFP, and this is what I read in between the lines of your story.

    Now, if this girl were an INTP, or a T, I'd give you more uplifting advice/feedback.

    But, I know how ENFPs generally do.

    And, her being "terse" and markedly less playful with you via *text message* is not a good sign.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #360
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on,
    Granted, we're not Fe users, but we don't like hurting people's feelings, especially people we care about.

    Her being "terse" is the equivalent of her avoiding the conflict of having to experience, first-hand, letting you down, or hurting your feelings.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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