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  1. #261
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    ^ Holy crapcakes that's a long post!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

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  2. #262
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    At first, I was like, WTF!?!!?



    As I pleaded to him, "you couldn't tell I was absolutely JOKING!?!??!"

    Because, I was joking. :/

    Taunting, in a way, but not mean-spirited at all!!!

    But after some thought, I could understand his point, it was both a joke and a threat, and threatening your boyfriend, especially your INTJ boyfriend, even jokingly, that you are going to leave him, when you don't mean it, is a definite NONO!!!

    When he told me that my saying those things made him lose trust in me... :sad:

    If only he knew just how freakin' down I am for him, and if anything, my threat was a response to his response to the misbegotten burrito incident, which he fully understood.

    So, very long story short, trust is a HUGE thing/issue with INTJs, methinks.

    And, that's fair, because the more you trust someone the more comfortable you feel, the more safe.
    Yep, trust is important.

    For you as an ENFP, you have to remember that the INTJ cannot read your feelings for the most part. You have to say them as if they were facts to be said, not feelings to be expressed, in order to be sure they get through.

    He couldn't tell how much love you had put into that half burrito. All he saw was a half-burrito, probably thinking "why not a whole burrito?" among other thoughts. He did not see your feelings. (I identified with the both of you in that part of the story: I felt your hurt, and I felt his disgust that was directed at the burrito, not you.)

    He couldn't tell you were joking about leaving, all he heard was that you were thinking of leaving him.

    Maybe, eventually, he'll learn to read you better, but don't rely on it. Whenever it becomes obvious he's reacting "wrong", go into express your feelings as fact mode. In the meantime, slowly teach him your teasing nature in other ways, that are less likely to be interpreted as threats.

    The feeling-as-facts mode might seem awkward to you, but there is a bright side, if you think about it:

    He regards his love for you as a "fact." He's decided that he loves you, and that's that. Any capricious feelings that even temporarily contradict that are rejected. Only absolute proof that the relationship is dead (such as say, you say you are leaving him) can "disprove his love" for you.

    Does that help you to make more sense of him?

  3. #263
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    "Why not a whole burrito?"

    :steam:

    Now, that would have been presumptuous, no?

    I was walking back home from my appointment, my mother called asking me to pick up some food for her, and I had to stop at Borders to pick up a birthday card, my hands were full, and I was rushing back so I could get to my boyfriend's house as quickly as possible.

    Also, it was a weird time, around 4 to 5pm-ish.

    I'd assumed he might want a snack, hence the *half*-burrito.

    And, hahahahahaha, what's so disgusting about half a burrito!??!

    Do you even know all the other "disgusting" things we share?!!?

    INTJs and their particularities, so very odd!!!

    He actually mentioned that he has an issue with eating other people's left over food, I guess I can understand that, like, if it's a stranger, but if it's your friend, lover, family member?!?!

    Does not compute, mang!!!

    Also, Mexican food is not necessarily the most aesthetically pleasing food, but it tastes damn good!!!

    And, I've seen him eat three-day old movie popcorn before, so.. what the hell?!?!?

    Hhahahahaa, go figure.

    :P
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  4. #264
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    He regards his love for you as a "fact." He's decided that he loves you, and that's that. Any capricious feelings that even temporarily contradict that are rejected. Only absolute proof that the relationship is dead (such as say, you say you are leaving him) can "disprove his love" for you.

    Does that help you to make more sense of him?
    Yes, very much so, thank you!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #265
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    He couldn't tell you were joking about leaving, all he heard was that you were thinking of leaving him.
    I think he could tell I was joking, but as you perceptively noticed/accurately surmised, I think all he really did hear was a threat that I could leave him if I wanted to, which, even though, technically I could, (anybody can leave a relationship if they wanted to), I soooooooo wouldn't, and didn't want to, and in essence, because of how much I love him, couldn't leave him, why?

    Because I adore him, and I love being with him, and he's awesome, and he makes me feel all inside, even when he's being an insensitive INTJ-hole! :P

    Maybe, eventually, he'll learn to read you better, but don't rely on it. Whenever it becomes obvious he's reacting "wrong", go into express your feelings as fact mode. In the meantime, slowly teach him your teasing nature in other ways, that are less likely to be interpreted as threats.

    The feeling-as-facts mode might seem awkward to you, but there is a bright side, if you think about it:
    I actually think he reads me pretty well. :/

    Also, may you please elaborate more on the whole "express your feelings as fact mode"

    Feelings are fleeting, they are highly circumstantially derived, i.e. time, a sequence of events, lack of sleep, hormones, etc., these all affect feelings.

    Feelings are subjective transient truths, not hardcore Facts, y'know?

    Right?

    :/
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  6. #266
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Also, may you please elaborate more on the whole "express your feelings as fact mode"

    Feelings are fleeting, they are highly circumstantially derived, i.e. time, a sequence of events, lack of sleep, hormones, etc., these all affect feelings.

    Feelings are subjective transient truths, not hardcore Facts, y'know?

    Right?

    :/
    Not exactly.

    They are like a sailing with a wind at your back. You know where you are going and the wind is helping you. Sometimes more and sometimes less but on the whole its good.

    We panic if we think our instruments are telling us the wind is blowing in the other direction from what we thought or if we are suddenly informed that the boat has no sails.

  7. #267
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    In the meantime, slowly teach him your teasing nature in other ways, that are less likely to be interpreted as threats.
    This is good advice.



    With significant others, I tease a lot, lovingly, it's in my nature.

    Hahaha, but, I'm also very incredibly sensitive when my significant other teases me.

    There have been multiple occassions when I've told my INTJ, "don't make fun of me, I'm as sensitive as a delicate flower!"

    Hahahahahaahahha!!!

    True story!

    But, I'm a chick, and an NFP one at that, so I'm allowed to be sensitive, right?!?!

    I thought men, or more specifically INTJ men were not supposed to be so sensitive, perhaps this is a misconception.

    In fact, the more I think about it, as rational as you guys are, there is a distinct sensitivity to you, it's a unique kind of sensitivity, repressed a bit, defensive, but there, definitely there.

    It is like you guys have this constant right-wrong sensor that scans all input, which then processes whether or not it is worthy of further investigation, and if it is, you formulate the whys behind the "wrong(s)", then, and only then, do you emote/express/explain what happened.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #268
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Not exactly.

    They are like a sailing with a wind at your back. You know where you are going and the wind is helping you. Sometimes more and sometimes less but on the whole its good.

    We panic if we think our instruments are telling us the wind is blowing in the other direction from what we thought or if we are suddenly informed that the boat has no sails.
    Great metaphor(s)!

    But, lemme ask you this.

    Do you not see the difference between these two feelings.

    "Ugh, I totally hate you, right now."

    vs.

    "I cannot stand this despicable, vile waste of human space, they disgust me as a human being, I both hate and pity them."
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #269
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    ...To which he replied, errrrr, and reacted with a look, along with a look of disdain/distate.
    he stupid


    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Then, as a joke, I said something like, "Oh, whatever, I don't need you, it was nice knowing you, thanks for the company, and your c*ck, oh, your friend Max is really cute, I think I'm gonna go call him, blah, blah, blah,"
    you stupid

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    "Why not a whole burrito?"

    :steam:

    Now, that would have been presumptuous, no?
    no. when you eat like a horse, half a burrito will only make you angry


    and about that losing trust because of this kind of stuff i think i can relate. i think its about in order to truly trust you, you cant insert this kind of thoughts in his head or it might start haunting him. and if something is haunting about this kind of stuff, even tho he surely would like to trust you fully, but then there is this thing echoing in back of his head and mmm im still bit stoned and havent slept much . but think it like this, he needs to trust that you will catch his heart when he swings it at you, but if there is something like that haunting in back of his head it will be too scary or something like that. got my point?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  10. #270
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    he stupid
    Agreed!



    you stupid
    Agreed!


    no. when you eat like a horse, half a burrito will only make you angry
    :P


    and about that losing trust because of this kind of stuff i think i can relate. i think its about in order to truly trust you, you cant insert this kind of thoughts in his head or it might start haunting him. and if something is haunting about this kind of stuff, even tho he surely would like to trust you fully, but then there is this thing echoing in back of his head and mmm im still bit stoned and havent slept much . but think it like this, he needs to trust that you will catch his heart when he swings it at you, but if there is something like that haunting in back of his head it will be too scary or something like that. got my point?
    Yeah, I got it, granted, had the roles been reversed, I would not have been scathed at all due to the playful tone I had used, however, if he non-jokingly threatened to leave me for some other girl, I'd be furious!!!!

    But, I fully understand how just bringing that thought up/putting that out there would create doubt/fear.

    So, I did fuck up, and it was fucked up for me to say what I said.

    Lesson learned, I guess.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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