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Thread: NFs dating SJs

  1. #51
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    I don't think I could venture this one again. Not for very long anyways. However, I do need SJs in my life to keep me grounded and strengthen my backbone.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phthalocyanine
    though to the SJ's credit i think they become desperate because they really have a tough time understanding just what our NF perspective is. if only they would more often try to see things in a new light before shit hits the fan. it's like the SJ and NF are on two different wavelengths in time.
    Um... why do you assume that they're the ones who should try to see things in a "new light?" Stalking is bad. But it's not related to type. And it certainly isn't a result of unenlightened SJs who just can't understand the depths of their NF partners.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ123 View Post
    Excellent observation, I've read before that different types percieve time differently. Their preffered time zones are something like this, sorry too lazy to look it up.

    NT and NF - future
    SP - present
    SJ - past
    I've read that before too, and I think it's silly. Always sounded to me like a "polite" way for Ns to say Ss lack imagination and foresight. And for the record, I'm much more interested in the past than the future.

    I'm not an SJ, but some of these comments are really making me wish I were.

    Pre-emptive EDIT: I know I'll want to find some way to soften this response after I've thought about it. Just don't feel like it right now.

  3. #53
    HAHHAHHAH! INTJ123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    Um... why do you assume that they're the ones who should try to see things in a "new light?" Stalking is bad. But it's not related to type. And it certainly isn't a result of unenlightened SJs who just can't understand the depths of their NF partners.



    I've read that before too, and I think it's silly. Always sounded to me like a "polite" way for Ns to say Ss lack imagination and foresight. And for the record, I'm much more interested in the past than the future.

    I'm not an SJ, but some of these comments are really making me wish I were.

    Pre-emptive EDIT: I know I'll want to find some way to soften this response after I've thought about it. Just don't feel like it right now.
    It seemed pretty true to me though, there were alot of real life situations that helped confirm this.

    My esfp best friend is always talking about living in the moment.

    My SJ uncle is always talking about "the old style" and he is still replaying his music collection from the 70's, daily, you'd think 30 years is enough to get played out.

    and there is a famous quote from my favorite intuitive scientist, Nikola Tesla,
    “Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.” They say he was probably an intj.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ123 View Post
    It seemed pretty true to me though, there were alot of real life situations that helped confirm this.

    My esfp best friend is always talking about living in the moment.

    My SJ uncle is always talking about "the old style" and he is still replaying his music collection from the 70's, daily, you'd think 30 years is enough to get played out.

    and there is a famous quote from my favorite intuitive scientist, Nikola Tesla,
    “Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.” They say he was probably an intj.
    But those are specific examples. I have examples that could be used to confirm the same (my SJ aunt is into genealogy) or that go against the theory (so is my NF mother). Personally, I love history, old music, old movies, old everything, so that could hardly be called a "future-focus."

    I will grant one thing though: it is probably harder for someone with inferior Se to "live in the moment." But (and maybe I'm reading too much into it) it always seems that the S/N = past/future argument has less to do with function than it has to do with suggesting a person (an SJ) is "stuck in an old way of thinking." It seems to me that Ni and Si can be used equally to imagine (or remember) the past or predict the future - they would just have different ways that they do it.

    I am sorry that I seemed to go after your quote specifically. You were one of the most recent posters on the subject, and became the target for me to air a general annoyance of mine.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    When I was in a relationship with my INFJ friend. I often worried about whether I was too boring for her, and oddly enough I've had the few occasions where she would reflect that attitude back.

    Often we talked about school, and daily stuff to link us together but when that ran out, there would occasionally be silence. One of the reasons that I often worried that I bored her was because she possessed a huge imagination, one that I could never match and there was a lot of self-induced pressure to try do so. It never came.

    There were alot of times where I would be content with just being around another person, and minding my own business than having a huge conversation with someone. After all I learn most stuff through the internet. Talking for me was more a case of sharing, questioning and relating rather than debating a stance since most topics that I'm interested in I've already formed an opinion, and those that I don't I would just sit and listen to absorb as much as possible before giving an answer.

    It's weird. I don't actually know what I'm usually thinking off often, sitting blankly starring off into space. Random thoughts that come and then pass through. It's odd that I believe that I am boring, but at the same time I don't shy away from difficult conversations (As long as it's not politics)

    Perhaps all this was more an indicator of anxiety and introversion rather than sensing, all I know is that I suck at your usual banter and conversations that occur which may or may not be related to a lack of life experience especially with music, films and so fourth.

  6. #56
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    I've read that before too, and I think it's silly. Always sounded to me like a "polite" way for Ns to say Ss lack imagination and foresight. And for the record, I'm much more interested in the past than the future.
    I see where you're coming from. Intuitive snobbiness is a huge turnoff to me as well. I think sensing is just as great a gift as intuition, and often I bemoan my intuition in the real world, practical matters I face day-to-day.

    However, I do think there is something to the SJ - past, SP - present, NF/NT - future deal. I have a lot of trouble living in the moment because I'm always looking ahead. I seriously have to remind myself regularly to loosen up and enjoy the present. My ESTP partner is excellent at living in the moment but sometimes seems unaware of how current actions can affect future consequences. And my ISFJ mother is very past focused and loves to reflect on old times. Out of all of us she seems the one closest connected to the memories of relatives who have died. One of her favorite hobbies is genealogy. So I do think there is something to that theory, but I agree with you that it shouldn't be used for snobbish purposes. looking to the past, present, and future each have unique benefits and challenges.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Kai, your whole post is sooo familiar, sounds just like me!
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  8. #58
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    So you're saying it's a lack of feeling that you have something interesting to contribute, as well as that conversation serves a different purpose for you than it does for us? I never knew that.

    I think the processing aloud with the back and forth helps us to clarify or even trigger new thoughts, whereas most of your thinking happens internally and on your own. When nothing is said back, I generally feel that I am boring the other person and need to change topics or quit entirely because they are disinterested in what I want to think out loud about.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    So you're saying it's a lack of feeling that you have something interesting to contribute, as well as that conversation serves a different purpose for you than it does for us? I never knew that.
    Exactly - I don't really know HOW to think out loud, my brain just does it all internally. If I ask questions it's more of a learning thing than a deciding thing, unlike many types.

    I think the processing aloud with the back and forth helps us to clarify or even trigger new thoughts, whereas most of your thinking happens internally and on your own. When nothing is said back, I generally feel that I am boring the other person and need to change topics or quit entirely because they are disinterested in what I want to think out loud about.
    Ditto for me, if I'm trying to talk and the other person gazes off into space or whatever it can feel intimidating. The funny thing about this board is that so many of the other types constantly talk about wanting deep conversations about books and philosophy, all sorts of topics, and imply that SJs are shallow and uninterested in imagination. I may not be good at the super abstract things but I LOVE talking about books and am very widely read. I think most people IRL are just not as interested in books or anything that requires too much thought, due to various ways society is set up to (mal)function nowadays.

    Actually it is very frustrating to be a girl TJ because the way I naturally am is so unexpected to people that they seem to think I am either a. Know-it-all because I like talking about facts or b. stuck up/boring because I don't talk much. I love running into people who love to explore topics thoroughly and I also like being around people who can easily chatter a lot and take a little of the burden off me.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  10. #60
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    *subscribes to thread*

    When I capture my ENFP I will have more input to add. I just have to come up with a scheme that will work! But I estimate it will be around October/November.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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