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Thread: NFs dating SJs

  1. #41
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    It would depend on which SJ. I could probably be compatible with an ISFJ...But in all honesty ESFJs and ESTJs often tend to get on my nerves a lot, and ISTJ's I've known, while basically good people, were very robotic and totally unavailable emotionally (no offense to anyone who is those types, this is based only on people I've known in real life).
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  2. #42
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    I adore SJs as family, friends, and coworkers, but in a romantic relationship, I'm skeptical that it could work. I've been in probably five or six serious or semi-serious relationships and not a single one was SJ because the attraction was just not there for me. (I've been attracted to pretty much exclusively SPs and NPs.)

    I don't want to sound harsh against SJs because I really do value their gifts. I'm an elementary school teacher and I absolutely love my little SJ students, particularly the ISFJs and ISTJs who are such sincere, responsible little worker bees.

    And I don't want to make it sound like hard work is all there is to SJs because they do have a deeper, quirkier side to their personalities, but because of temperament that side of them comes in second to their work ethic and sense of responsibility. A lot of ISXJs have a fun, extraverted-sensing side that comes out once in a while to play. (Example: my conservative, traditional ISXJ parents announced out of the blue at my little sister's high school graduation that they were planning a trip to Las Vegas.) It just doesn't come out too often (they work first and only play if there's time).

    Once after I was burned in a relationship, I actually made it a goal to date someone more like my ISTJ father, because he has always been caring, responsible, and devoted to my mother. I found myself a nice gentlemanly ISTJ and we started casually dating. He was ready to get more serious.... but I just couldn't do it! I felt bad but I had to break it off. Maybe an extraverted NF would have had better luck, but for me, I tend toward being too serious and regimented as it is, so I really need a partner who can help me access my fun, goofy side.

  3. #43
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    One more thought -- I think I'm also incompatible with SJs because I'm messy and so many of them highly value a clean, orderly environment. I'm not a total slob or anything but a certain amount of clutter simply does not bother me. In fact I'm usually happily oblivious to it -- I guess that blindspot Se doesn't notice a whole hell of a lot in my external environment, lol. My SP partner and I make for quite a messy household! The funny thing is that while clutter doesn't bother me, it does bother him... but he just doesn't feel like expending energy to do anything about it, lol. We've ended up springing for maid service and that helps us keep the disorder at bay.

  4. #44
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakuraba View Post
    Boring...ignorant...understanding problems with N's...
    not always boring.. ignorant, yes, but by choice many times, i think.
    understanding problems for sure..mostly because they're stubbornly rooted in their own perspective and don't want to be wrong. ive known a couple SJs that were pretty disposed toward projection, and blaming others in general.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    Most SJs I have known have become possessive of their relationships. I noticed for a lot of them that the moment the relationship broke off, they began continually testing the boundaries, as if to determine if it was really over. If they had an emotional attachment, then some of them would even pretend the break up had never occurred. In my experience, all these things coupled together make for a potential stalker.
    this is all too easy for me to relate to. bad news.
    though to the SJ's credit i think they become desperate because they really have a tough time understanding just what our NF perspective is. if only they would more often try to see things in a new light before shit hits the fan. it's like the SJ and NF are on two different wavelengths in time.


    on the positive side, i have to say SJs can be a great help to their sloppier NF counterparts in many ways, and in rare moments are pretty funny (if unintentionally).

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    ...this thread is not about SPs! Stop making this about you

    FWIW, my experience with ISxPs has been slightly better, but with its own set of issues. Never dated an ESxP. And not particularly interested in my mate being "cool."
    Not sure what cool means in america... gangster or something? lol

    But hey whatever, I'm not making this thread about SPs I'm just giving my opinion which is that I think two N's would give each other headaches bahahaha

    My close friend (ENFP) was with an ESFP for over a year, would of probably continued to work out if it wasn't for a sleezy ISTP friend and if she was a bit more mature

  6. #46
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    But hey whatever, I'm not making this thread about SPs I'm just giving my opinion which is that I think two N's would give each other headaches bahahaha
    Not at all. I feel invigorated, especially after speaking with an N-dom. I think "if only all conversations could be this nice..."

  7. #47
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Sometimes I think it would be nice to have an S partner to balance out things. I'm an NF married to an NT, and it's great in a lot of ways. However, neither of us is big into cleaning the house, mowing the yard, paying the bills; that stuff is a big chore that we both just have to struggle through. Meanwhile, my ESTJ friend & her INTJ hubby always have everything spic and span perfect. I'm not saying I regret my choices at all, I'm just saying there could be advantages to having someone more grounded in day to day stuff as a partner if you were inclined that way.
    Last edited by amelie; 06-11-2009 at 05:34 PM. Reason: type-o

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I am an ENFP... Was with an ISFJ for 5 years right down to owning a home together and everything... the whole nine yards...
    oh my god that describes my ISFJ mother pretty much down to the last detail

    She and my ISTJ boss are the two most prominent SJs in my life, though I know a lot more through my church-related activities. I can never, ever date someone with that mindset.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Not at all. I feel invigorated, especially after speaking with an N-dom. I think "if only all conversations could be this nice..."
    To each their own I guess, I usually have deep conversations though and I think thats more of a taste thing than an S/N thing

    Assuming you are talking about deep and meaningful conversations

    Also that ENFP I was talking about is usually the one annoying ME with pointless mindless garbage

  10. #50
    HAHHAHHAH! INTJ123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phthalocyanine View Post
    not always boring.. ignorant, yes, but by choice many times, i think.
    understanding problems for sure..mostly because they're stubbornly rooted in their own perspective and don't want to be wrong. ive known a couple SJs that were pretty disposed toward projection, and blaming others in general.




    this is all too easy for me to relate to. bad news.
    though to the SJ's credit i think they become desperate because they really have a tough time understanding just what our NF perspective is. if only they would more often try to see things in a new light before shit hits the fan. it's like the SJ and NF are on two different wavelengths in time.


    on the positive side, i have to say SJs can be a great help to their sloppier NF counterparts in many ways, and in rare moments are pretty funny (if unintentionally).
    Excellent observation, I've read before that different types percieve time differently. Their preffered time zones are something like this, sorry too lazy to look it up.

    NT and NF - future
    SP - present
    SJ - past

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