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Thread: NFs dating SJs

  1. #21
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    I was in a relationship with an ISFJ for three years and we planned to get married, we had the baby names picked out and all. He was a good partner overall, but I always felt like something was missing. Turns out that thing was N. Call me an idealist (), but I like my relationships to have a touch of the extraordinary. I get no joy from the daily grind and keeping up with the status quo, like my ISFJ did. The mundane is not my territory.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Lol. Well that was insightful. I have been looking today to find what my ideal type relationship is supposed to be.

    I am going to tick NF's off the list.

    Cheers.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #23
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    What were the kids' names you had picked out?

  4. #24
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruthie View Post
    What were the kids' names you had picked out?
    Don't want to say


  5. #25
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    SJs are hit & miss. There's so many that there is much variation. The more earnest & nurturing ones seem to like me & admire my artsy-fartsy-ness...the ones who aren't stuck on propriety, basically.
    My mom is one & I adore her. The sensor-intuitive wall is real though.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #26
    Senior Member Ruthie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    The sensor-intuitive wall is real though.
    I only see the S/N wall in terms of Se v. Ni. I can't seem to relate to the SPs, but I get along great with the SJs in my life.

  7. #27
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    I am an ENFP... Was with an ISFJ for 5 years right down to owning a home together and everything... the whole nine yards...

    Some general themes of the relationship - which by the way, I wound up having to end because I became too unhappy - even though I REALLY wanted it to work...

    1) NF: Visionary / SJ: Practical
    Me: I'm so excited we're buying a home!!!
    She: "Now we have a mortgage payment and property taxes."

    Me: "I can't wait to take the boat out it's going to be so fun!"
    She: "Now we have to make sure it's insured and pay for gas."

    Me: "I love our new baby kitten she's adorable!!"
    She: "Now we have a litter box to clean and vet bills."

    Me: "I'm so excited that our friends are coming over today!!"
    She: "Now we have to buy food and drinks and clean up afterward."

    2) NF wants a MINDMATE / SJ wants a HELPMATE
    Me: "What do you think about ______? I wonder if ______?"
    She: "This place is a mess. I do everything around here."
    (Keep in mind "mess" to her would be clean by anyone else's standards)

    3) NF focus SOLUTIONS & POSSIBILITIES / SJ focus CONCRETE PROBLEMS
    She: "I'm sick of doing everything around here."
    Me: "Let me pay someone to come and clean the house once a week."
    She: "That's a waste of money and a ridiculous idea."
    Me: "Well how about I treat you to dinner once a week then?"
    She: "I'm not your slave don't treat me like one."
    Me: "Ok how about we make a chore table and take turns?"
    She: "I'm not in kindergarten I don't need a chore table."
    Me: *sigh*

    6) NF: Abstract / SJ: Concrete
    This created a HUGE conversational gap. We could not hold a conversation to save our lives. <crickets chirping> I experienced absolutely ZERO intellectual stimulation. I would say something and she would stay quiet. Some might mistake this for her being a "good listener." But I say NO. She never gave any feedback or contributed to the conversation - she didn't participate or add to what was being said. I was BORED to tears. She never had anything interesting, thought provoking, or engaging to say. The two times of year she did I got all excited and wrote it in my journal to cling to. When she did speak it was stuff like "we need to pay this bill, the trash needs to be taken out, etc."

    To her credit - she DID cook and clean, but I felt like I lived with a statue.
    It was like living a real life Groundhog's day - same (practical) stuff different day. All about routine. There was no "exchange" of ideas between us.

  8. #28
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Post above.
    Describes my relationship with an ISFJ pretty well, with different details.

  9. #29
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    6) NF: Abstract / SJ: Concrete
    This created a HUGE conversational gap. We could not hold a conversation to save our lives. <crickets chirping> I experienced absolutely ZERO intellectual stimulation. I would say something and she would stay quiet. Some might mistake this for her being a "good listener." But I say NO. She never gave any feedback or contributed to the conversation - she didn't participate or add to what was being said. I was BORED to tears.
    Lot of truth in that, for me. Don't know what to say... No refunds!

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I was in a relationship with an ISFJ for three years and we planned to get married, we had the baby names picked out and all. He was a good partner overall, but I always felt like something was missing. Turns out that thing was N. Call me an idealist (), but I like my relationships to have a touch of the extraordinary. I get no joy from the daily grind and keeping up with the status quo, like my ISFJ did. The mundane is not my territory.
    Uhhum

    Forgetting about us SPs I think

    It's alright, we're probably too cool for you anyway, carry on :P

    ps. but seriously kind of wondering, why would you be turned off SPs for having a bad experience with an SJ?

    We're in a completely different temperament for a reason if you didn't know

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