Cranky, I love you to death, but I think you're making some unwarranted assumptions here based on your past experience. The INFP in question is "involved," but how involved? Dating someone casually for three weeks? Married for 20 years with 5 kids? No info here, though I'd guess more towards option one. And there is no evidence that this INFP is unhealthy or is behaving in an unhealthy or manipulative way...Could be. But no reason to believe so.Rezdawg...I am an INTJ female involved with an INFP male in a wonderful relationship. Previous to this, I was miserable over ANOTHER INFP man who treated me with rather a lot of disdain after emotionally seducing me.
Unfortunately, your situation rings a lot of bells with me, and not in the goodhappyfluffy way that my current INFP beau creates. You sound like you're nuts over this girl, and I know *EXACTLY* what that feels like. I was crazy over the other man...and made an ass out of myself doing it. The only real consolation I had is that I ended the situation when it got overly emotionally manipulative and empty.
See...there's crazy for other people, and there's crazy for an INTJ. We go psychotically emo for the first time (or the worst time), and have absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation. So, we remain motionless and paralyzed, just as you described below. Then, there's a monster explosion of feelings and ooey-gooey huggles that FREAKS the other person out--because we simply cannot contain our feelings anymore. I must say that you sound like I did when I was in the bad situation before.
See, there is something out of the ordinary about the connection between the INTJ and the INFP. It's spiritual, physical, emotional...you connect not just WELL, but on multiple LEVELS. It makes INFP men like VERY BAD CANDY for me. So, when the unhealthy previous INFP turned me into a puddle of misery, I kept wondering what was wrong with ME. Lo and behold, the problem was that he was unhealthy, not that he did not possess many extremely desirable traits. NOW, I'm with a HEALTHY male of the INFP variety, and the difference is like a volcano after an avalanche.
I need to strongly encourage you to consider the fact that this woman may be completely unintentionally using you for the fact that she can sense your warm feelings for her. It makes her feel good to be around you, so she wants to be around you. Sometimes those freaky Feely people don't THINK THINGS THROUGH, DAMMIT.
I'm going to refer you to the original thread here in which I discussed the aftermath of getting my heart broken by the unhealthy INFP, so you can see what it looks like.
I know precisely what you mean. It is time to BACK AWAY SLOWLY before someone gets hurt in the goo explosion and ensuing rain of chocolates, flowers, and teddy bears.
I didn't/don't either. You are hyperanalyzing...just as I did. Obsessively poring over every move she makes, every text message, every missed comma in an email, every emoticon in an IM, every tone in her voice. Cut it out NOW before you start making bad decisions based on faulty premises.
Respectfully, bighairything...NO NO NO NO NO. It does NOT make INTJs feel better to express our emotions. It is absolutely true that he will explode, but this isn't about catharsis for us. It doesn't purge us of the feelings...it only makes them stronger. He will NOT feel better or healthier by expressing those emotions to an unhealthy INFP female who likely has no clue what effect she's having on him.
Rez...this woman is in a relationship, and you must realize she is not emotionally available to you, regardless of how much you HOPE she COULD be. BACK AWAY SLOWLY. You will thank me for this. It is hard to see her imperfections now, but only AFTER you are capable of seeing them can you be involved in a healthy relationship with her. And it goes without saying that she needs to decide on her own that her current relationship needs to end.
I wish you the best of luck, and feel free to PM me if you want more detailed comparisons of healthy vs. unhealthy INFP romantic behavior as observed by an INTJ.