[INFP] INTJ needs help with INFP....

[bighairything]

Okay, from your latest posts I would say you are in with a chance after all. You should still probe her for more information about her boyfriend to be sure. As a long distance relationship the chances are that it's not going to work out, but you do still want to know where things stand.

Also, forget about previous advice to just tell her how you feel. In my case I gave that advice on the basis that she's probably not interested romantically so you might as well get the pain over with. Sizzling Berry is right, attraction is complicated and tends to work "in the moment". Next time another moment like the ones you describe arises, just seize it. Throw away your inhibitions and make a pass at her. I know that's easier said than done, but it's how it works.

 

[Sizzling Berry]

One more thing though - less is more. I mean rather slowly show her that you are there for her than tell her all your feelings at once. Slowly step out of your comfort zone and draw her out of hers. Slowly seduce her or rather inspire her to seduce herself. I know that INTJs may see something like that as a manipulation or distancing yourself from the whole truth. But I don't mean it that way. It's rather allowing her to make her own decision but at the same time giving her all the true arguments in such a way that appeals to her heart rather than to her brain. Would you be able to do it? If you have never tried it hey... this is how other people make us grow and learn.

And brighthairything - what do u think about not only using the moment but creating some of them? Hmmm...

 

[bighairything]

And brighthairything - what do u think about not only using the moment but creating some of them? Hmmm...

Hell yeah. That way not only is it more romantic, but it also means he can feel in control, and won't berate himself if a moment spontaneously arises and he freezes up and fails to seize it. It's good to know you can create your own moments. Go for it Rez! Start putting that Te to good use.

 

[Rezdawg1]

So I am NOT reading her incorrectly? I like the ideas that have been given, I think I can do that. It might even let her know that I'm for real and not just interested in sex. She didn't know anything about the MBTI until we met. She took the test, came up balanced INFP. She asked what I was and read up on INTJs. She has said things to me that refer to what she has read, i.e. "will not climb into my head. I am an alien to her, but that's okay, she is not prejudice." I will see what I can find out about the Norge and go from there. My fear was I wasn't seeing things for what they are.

 

[visaisahero]

Oops, I didn't realise she was seeing anybody.

I once was strongly, STRONGLY attracted to an INFx who was in a relationship with a possessive ESTJ. I wanted her, but I didn't want to be the third party. I'd just talk to her normally every now and then, subtly reminding her how much more awesome I am than her boyfriend. She would complain to me about him and I'd subtly tell her what I would have done differently, or what his insecurities and issues obviously were. I planted the seed of doubt, she did the rest of the work herself. Eventually, she broke up with him.

Dear god, the sex was amazing, the cuddles and conversations even more so. And the conscience was clear.

What am I trying to say? If you're a good thing, let it be known- but don't be too obvious about it. If she wants you, she'll get you. If she doesn't, well, at least you tried. NEVER, however, get into a serious relationship with a woman who gladly cheats on her boyfriend for you. She did it to him, she'll do it to you. She's got to end the relationship on her own accord for her own reasons before get involved yourself. In fact, give her some time afterwards to get her bearings first- don't be a rebound. (Unless that's all you want to be, which is also okay.)

 

[Wiley45]

Rezdawg1, I am really curious to hear how this thing turns out. You'll have to give us an update.

 

[Rezdawg1]

Will do, Thanks everyone for the help.

 

[Thessaly]

I am now seeing an INTJ who I have always had the most fulfilling and stimulating conversations with. We were friends throughout a few short lived romances I had and he was always there for me and supportive of me throughout and afterward. Whatever my relationships lacked he provided. If I wasn't intellectually stimulated he would talk to me about things that interested me, if I was unappreciated he would show me all the wonderful things about me, etc... He slowly won me over and all those romantic failures just made me appreciate him all the more.

With that said, although I felt emotionally connected to him and loved spending time with him, if I had truly wanted to be with him before now I simply would have. Your INFP may fill some void with what you have to offer and may have feelings of some sort for you, but if she is not pursuing you, you need to forget about her. In your absence she may come to realize what you mean to her, but otherwise you're wasting your time. This is assuming that she is aware of how you feel for her. I doubt she fully does though since you INTJs tend to present a calm face to the world and INFPs can seriously underestimate the emotional impact they can have on others.

 

[Thessaly]

I should also add that the thing that made me open my eyes to my INTJ was when he let down his walls and revealed to me how he felt for me with such kindness and romance I had never experienced before. Good luck.

 

[PotatoPeeler68]

If the INFP is married, hands off! She's taken. But if it's just a more casual relationship with a guy, that there could be a possibility. It could be she thinks of you as a friend, as if anyone helps us, it helps us to have more respect and love for them, whether we take it seriously or not. What I would do is tell her how you feel and see how she reacts. That's the only way to tell how she feels for you... Unless she actually tells you she likes you, (But make sure she breaks up with her boyfriend first)

P.S. Loved your mothership analogy