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  1. #11
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    She most likely feels close to you, but whether it's romantic or not is not certain. You'll have to ask. I would suggest doing it as low pressure as possible, keeping it more like "what if, someday" talk to feel her out....the most touchy part is that she is not single. INFPs usually have a very strong sense of loyalty, so you want to respect that. What do you know about her relationship?

    As for "normal" behavior....some of my best friends are guys, and I might behave similarly with them at times; but there are some indicators that she may like you as more than just a friend/brother figure, or be open to the possibility in the future if she were single again.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #12
    morose bourgeoisie
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    "She tells me she misses our "long, awesome" conversations"


    Hmm. This seems pretty clear to me. Take a risk. You lose nothing by telling her that you have feeling for her. IF she rejects you, you still have a good conversationalist.




  3. #13
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'd say not a lot in your description makes me say "romance!". This could easily be a girl that has a good connection with you, but doesn't want more.

  4. #14

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    I'm a little amazed by the number of NFs saying "just ask her". I've always thought that the straightforward approach was favoured by the NTs and that NFs would prefer to be subtly romanced. (Bear in mind that when you instruct an NT to "just ask her", he will probably do it differently from an NF).

    NFs: Are you really sure "just ask her" is the best advice? How would you actually react if someone you friend-zoned asked you to consider a romantic relationship? Would you really be able to maintain the platonic relationship as you did before? I have witnessed how my female INFJ and ENFP friends have grown distant from friends who "just asked them". I'm not saying that the OP is being friend-zoned of course, in fact I think he has a really good chance with her (unless he has been painting a rose-tinted picture of the scenario, which can sometimes happen to even the best of minds).

    I suggest though, that rather than putting her in a position where her options are yes/no/maybe/i don't know (which is 25% chance of success and a 75% chance of a trip down awkward boulevard), he should be subtle and allow her space to play out the romantic possibilities more strongly in her head to increase his odds of success.

    All the NF women (my favourite kind!) that I have been intimate with in a romantic, emotional level for a sustained period of time were my friends beforehand, and I'm pretty sure a couple of them thought of me as "just a really good friend". What worked for me was to spend time with them that is "ambiguous"- we would go out as friends and hang out and maybe do silly things, and we would end up in deep conversation somewhere we could be alone- the beach, a deserted playground, whatever. Lingering conversation, a little bit of physical contact (the subtle, accidentally-on-purpose kind when you're lying next to each other looking at the stars) and sustained, comfortable silence- and before you know it you're making out! Yay!

    Sorry, I got carried away. I love romancing INFx's.

  5. #15
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by visaisahero View Post
    I'm a little amazed by the number of NFs saying "just ask her". I've always thought that the straightforward approach was favoured by the NTs and that NFs would prefer to be subtly romanced. (Bear in mind that when you instruct an NT to "just ask her", he will probably do it differently from an NF).

    NFs: Are you really sure "just ask her" is the best advice? How would you actually react if someone you friend-zoned asked you to consider a romantic relationship? Would you really be able to maintain the platonic relationship as you did before? I have witnessed how my female INFJ and ENFP friends have grown distant from friends who "just asked them". I'm not saying that the OP is being friend-zoned of course, in fact I think he has a really good chance with her (unless he has been painting a rose-tinted picture of the scenario, which can sometimes happen to even the best of minds).

    I suggest though, that rather than putting her in a position where her options are yes/no/maybe/i don't know (which is 25% chance of success and a 75% chance of a trip down awkward boulevard), he should be subtle and allow her space to play out the romantic possibilities more strongly in her head to increase his odds of success.

    All the NF women (my favourite kind!) that I have been intimate with in a romantic, emotional level for a sustained period of time were my friends beforehand, and I'm pretty sure a couple of them thought of me as "just a really good friend". What worked for me was to spend time with them that is "ambiguous"- we would go out as friends and hang out and maybe do silly things, and we would end up in deep conversation somewhere we could be alone- the beach, a deserted playground, whatever. Lingering conversation, a little bit of physical contact (the subtle, accidentally-on-purpose kind when you're lying next to each other looking at the stars) and sustained, comfortable silence- and before you know it you're making out! Yay!

    Sorry, I got carried away. I love romancing INFx's.
    You know more than I do about dating NF women! I've dated more SJ's than any other type...

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by visaisahero View Post
    I'm a little amazed by the number of NFs saying "just ask her". I've always thought that the straightforward approach was favoured by the NTs and that NFs would prefer to be subtly romanced. (Bear in mind that when you instruct an NT to "just ask her", he will probably do it differently from an NF).
    In this case, she is in a relationship, so subtly romancing her is not appropriate.... Flirting with someone in a relationship and hanging out alone & seeing if sparks fly is not cool.

    Being too direct is not good either, because it can be read as an ultimatum or something. It's easy to say little things like, "It's too bad you're not single" with a smile, and get the point across.

    NFs: Are you really sure "just ask her" is the best advice? How would you actually react if someone you friend-zoned asked you to consider a romantic relationship? Would you really be able to maintain the platonic relationship as you did before?
    I have experienced this, and while I did not return the feelings, we remain very good friends. It was not even that awkward, and I don't get the impression he experienced any long lasting disappointment. I appreciate him broaching the topic (as I was suspicious anyway). The wording was not direct, but the point was clear. Subtly can be more of a lightness in wording, but still to the point, not being cryptic. Some deep confession of love is what scares people off and creates weirdness.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by visaisahero View Post
    I'm a little amazed by the number of NFs saying "just ask her". I've always thought that the straightforward approach was favoured by the NTs and that NFs would prefer to be subtly romanced. (Bear in mind that when you instruct an NT to "just ask her", he will probably do it differently from an NF).

    NFs: Are you really sure "just ask her" is the best advice? How would you actually react if someone you friend-zoned asked you to consider a romantic relationship?
    If I had to hazard a wild guess, the INTJ in question is dealing with an INFP in a relationship she is not happy with, and the INFP and INTJ both have feelings for each other.

    That isn't a "friend zone" situation.

    Yes, I prefer the direct to the indirect in this area. Of course there is risk involved...

  8. #18
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    Okay, some highlights from e-mails:

    I was asking her what was up about some female behavior on dates. She asked if that had ever happened to me and told me she had never been on a proper, getting to know you date, such as I was refering to.

    I told her about some twit on-line that called me "emo" after I posted my reply to a thread about what INTJ men want in a woman. I quoted my post to her. Her reply was, basicly to defend me. She wanted to smear him on facebook, etc. Would she really do it? No.

    Being the INTJ that I am, I have told her that I hope some of the things I am telling her about do not scare, offend or cross any lines. Her reply, "I am not scared of you,offended or anything."

    She told me she thinks I am fascinating and inscrutable.

    ?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rezdawg1 View Post

    She told me she thinks I am fascinating
    Well, there ya go.

    INTJ women can cause me to feel likewise...

  10. #20
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    I'm not competent in relationship issues and I realize you've posted this in the NF Idyllic for a reason, but

    Quote Originally Posted by Rezdawg1 View Post
    She asked me if she could incorperate some of me and my life into him.

    The second was after we had been talking for a bit, rather excitedly, and then two family members walked in. We both reacted like teenagers. Guilty looks, stop talking, jump up from sitting positions, the whole nine yards.

    She told me she thinks I am fascinating and inscrutable.
    ... these points tell me that she is interested in you. If you ask her about her feelings and she tells you that she's not romantically interested, that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll lose her friendship.

    Keep it up! You're not the only one mesmerized by an NFP, they're so awesome

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