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  1. #1

    Default INFJ -Your heart is on your sleeve

    If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase, "you wear your heart on your sleeve" said in a negative way...I'd be rich.

    Most times I hear this phrase is when I'm in an overstimulated environment/situation and am asked how I feel and why. Apparently, they are asking because my face gives away everything even though I don't realize it. I then express to them what I am feeling; which people tend to think is silly or minor. They also express I shouldn't feel that way because they and others do not.

    If I do not express it or tell people that nothing is going on, they become upset with me for holding back because I have already communicated something with my facial expression.

    I get this a lot from my ENFP friends.

    I'm curious if any other INFJs get told this term and how you feel about it?

    I'm also curious if any other types have been told this and how they feel about it?

  2. #2
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    I've been told I am all heart on several occasions.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #3
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    My face can't fake it either. In a way I guess it's good, I'm no mystery to people in that regard and wouldn't even want to be (nor couldn't be).

    But I too want to be able to see underneath the surface. I want to see reactions, that's the way I navigate (this for example makes me feel helpless with strong Fi people sometimes). And I know an ESTJ who reads my moods like an open book through my facial expressions. In general someone recognising and caring about my moods and feelings makes me feel good.

    I guess some people are just more perceptive and pay more attention to it than others (e.g. care about you and want to know), I don't think some would even notice any changes in unless they paid really close attention etc.

    To me it sounds like your friends care a lot about you and are worried, and would like to know what's bothering you - if there indeed is something bothering you. ENFPs are very good at reading people especially apparently, and in that sense be extremely perceptive to your facial expressions as well. And if they're close to you they can feel bad about reading it from you but you not showing them the trust (or however they might perceive it) to open up about it? It's like they know already but are waiting for you to trust them enough to talk about it. I don't know if that might be the case at all, but I've had that experience.

  4. #4
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Maybe THAT'S why people are joking about what sexual preference I might be.

    *Ponders*

    Not like I can carry a mirror everywhere I go to see how I react to things.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    I guess some people are just more perceptive and pay more attention to it than others (e.g. care about you and want to know), I don't think some would even notice any changes in unless they paid really close attention etc.
    Yes, I agree with this. I'm a complete stoneface, never heard the phrase said to my face (or behind my back). I believe people might think quite the opposite, my heart is mostly locked away. If they could see inside, then that's a whole another matter, but I'm definitely not transparent.

  6. #6
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Actually now that I'm thinking about it I think there's a difference in feelings and moods? Like for me, I don't think I could ever "feel" in anyone's presence (kept away from everybody), but people may sense a vibe of a mood? Like a tone or smt?

    Or am I completely off the rail here?

  7. #7

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    I find some people are more readable and other's aren't. I do know an INFJ who is quite readable. I probably cause problems the most when she is trying to adapt for me and I read that she'd prefer something else and I keep checking because I feel it. On the other hand, with an ENFP I know, I can sit there knowing she is completely open and still not get past the eyes. It can make it difficult to attach on certain levels even though the psychological connection is almost immediate.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Well, I don't speak out about how I'm feeling unless I really can't keep it in anymore (many months or years after the incident and I've had time to rationalize it), so either they choose to read my face or be upset. But then I get told I'm "intense and hard-to-read."
    When I feel too intensely, my throat blocks up and I can't speak. So people get silence. I hope to learn how to verbalize wisely in the future.
    I know this has to do with how my ESTJ mother wouldn't allow me to to talk back or express how I was feeling, that was rebellion. I'd get punished if I opened my mouth, so I often remain silent when I am offended or hurt.

  9. #9
    Member Prime's Avatar
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    As frustrating as it can be, I think it's healthier for our type to wear our hearts on our sleeves. When I was younger, I was very much readable. People would ask me questions too. Sometimes teachers would abruptly ask me "Are you happy?"

    But over time, years of feeling vulnerable about my emotions have made me calloused to the point where I'm no longer outwardly expressive. All my feelings are held within. No one asks me those invasive questions anymore... and life's become a lot lonelier because of it.

  10. #10
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    I never noticed it till my husband pointed it out to me, but I do show my emotions very strongly -- but the odd thing is that I feel so strongly anyway that I tend to put it all into perspective even if other people don't -- so if I'm looking really disturbed about something and this upsets somebody else, it may really bother them, but I may walk away from it thinking "oh well, that's just how it goes sometimes." Sometimes other people want to pursue the matter, and I end up thinking how idiotic they're being, blowing something way out of proportion, but it really is partly my fault -- I'm trying to learn to control my facial expressions more carefully now.

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