User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 24

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    191

    Default ENFJ and the dark side

    Hello everybody!

    From what I have read of the ENFJ profile it said we can have dark thoughts when we are all alone. At first I was like I can totally relate to this. It is kind of weird because I would rather never have any dark thoughts.

    For me, I love people in general. I want to learn all about them, be a part of them, help them, and just all of that awesome stuff. I often think of ways on how to make our world a better place. What makes it hard is I often come to a conclusion of "If everybody did things this way, things would be better" attitude. Also, thinking about stuff at a global level can make one realize how unfair the world can be (good people not getting their share).

    What happens is those realities and expectations come pouring in at me. This cause me to hate people in general. Rather on a larger scale or a smaller personal level, the drive to help combined with the harsh reality can be really hard.

    The worst part is realizing that I can be part of the problem sometimes.

    Today, ridding myself of those dark thoughts is something I have actually done pretty well. I still have them every now and them, as everybody has their moments, but it isn't a reoccurring theme in my life like it use to.

    I think a lot of my problem is being hyper sensitive and going overboard with the Ni and assuming too many things. These issues I have both addressed and taken time to work on.

    Being an ENFJ Se is my relief function. In my case, it helps me realize I'm making things too hard on my self. No expectations, no motivations, no worries. Doing things I enjoy doing for fun, here and now, also helps takes things off my mind. Se is a function I truly want to make a larger impact in my life.

    Don't worry Ni, I still love you, and looking at things at all of the angles is what really energies me. Sometimes though, I can get a little overcharge.

    Sometimes I feel alone in this world and was wondering if anybody in here could relate.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    191

    Default

    I know this is a deep and personal subject, so nobody has to say anything. I just wanted to share what was on my mind for once.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4,909

    Default

    One of my best friends is an ENFJ, and her dark side is that she can get very hurt, very deeply, and become depressed over it......esp. in relationships. She also likes to over-analyze interpersonal stuff, and it gets the best of her.

    It helps for her to have a sounding board who can put her feelings into perspective rather than it fester and morph into something bigger and bigger. She also finds stress relief, like you do, in engaging in physical stuff (going to the gym, running, etc.)
    Likes xXMariahXx liked this post

  4. #4
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    extended alone time + ENFJ= big no no. For me personally, I start exhibiting unhealthy behavior if that occurs.

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    My ENFJ best friend gets suicidal every time he lives alone - he loves it at first, and then slowly this dark brooding takes over. He ends up moving back with his parents. It's a cycle.

    It's funny, because he tests INFx, but I can't see how he is an introvert when he cannot deal with too much time alone and is always needing interaction. I think he just likes the idea of introversion (you know, it seems "deeper" and more "mysterious"). His Fe is steering the wheel, from my 20+ years as his friend perspective
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe
    Likes xXMariahXx liked this post

  6. #6
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    Hello everybody!

    From what I have read of the ENFJ profile it said we can have dark thoughts when we are all alone. At first I was like I can totally relate to this. It is kind of weird because I would rather never have any dark thoughts.

    For me, I love people in general. I want to learn all about them, be a part of them, help them, and just all of that awesome stuff. I often think of ways on how to make our world a better place. What makes it hard is I often come to a conclusion of "If everybody did things this way, things would be better" attitude. Also, thinking about stuff at a global level can make one realize how unfair the world can be (good people not getting their share).

    What happens is those realities and expectations come pouring in at me. This cause me to hate people in general. Rather on a larger scale or a smaller personal level, the drive to help combined with the harsh reality can be really hard.

    The worst part is realizing that I can be part of the problem sometimes.

    Today, ridding myself of those dark thoughts is something I have actually done pretty well. I still have them every now and them, as everybody has their moments, but it isn't a reoccurring theme in my life like it use to.

    I think a lot of my problem is being hyper sensitive and going overboard with the Ni and assuming too many things. These issues I have both addressed and taken time to work on.

    Being an ENFJ Se is my relief function. In my case, it helps me realize I'm making things too hard on my self. No expectations, no motivations, no worries. Doing things I enjoy doing for fun, here and now, also helps takes things off my mind. Se is a function I truly want to make a larger impact in my life.

    Don't worry Ni, I still love you, and looking at things at all of the angles is what really energies me. Sometimes though, I can get a little overcharge.

    Sometimes I feel alone in this world and was wondering if anybody in here could relate.
    I think the general feelings you describe here are common to all NFs. The "If everybody did things this way, things would be better" thoughts I can strongly sympathize with. I experience them daily. Its must be even harder for a ENFJ, because I feel like XNFPs can cope a little better with the vast (and depressing) gap between their ideal vision and reality - and we deal better with negative thoughts in general. ENFJs seem to feel a stronger need to personally take action and solve the problem, but if the problem is overwhelming it must be very difficult to live with. The hardest thing can be coming to accept our relative ineffectuality in the grand scheme of things. However, this does not mean that you can make no difference in the world - just in a narrower scope.

    Although agnostic, I'm a strong believer in the serenity prayer. It really helps me when it comes to dark thoughts:

    God, grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    The courage to change the things that I can;
    And the wisdom to know the difference.


    I also like you, find it hard not to care so much - life would be great if we could just stop worrying so much and let go . Its not easy though.

  7. #7
    Member MmmCrazy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3
    Posts
    37

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    Hello everybody!

    From what I have read of the ENFJ profile it said we can have dark thoughts when we are all alone. At first I was like I can totally relate to this. It is kind of weird because I would rather never have any dark thoughts.

    For me, I love people in general. I want to learn all about them, be a part of them, help them, and just all of that awesome stuff. I often think of ways on how to make our world a better place. What makes it hard is I often come to a conclusion of "If everybody did things this way, things would be better" attitude. Also, thinking about stuff at a global level can make one realize how unfair the world can be (good people not getting their share).

    What happens is those realities and expectations come pouring in at me. This cause me to hate people in general. Rather on a larger scale or a smaller personal level, the drive to help combined with the harsh reality can be really hard.

    The worst part is realizing that I can be part of the problem sometimes.

    Today, ridding myself of those dark thoughts is something I have actually done pretty well. I still have them every now and them, as everybody has their moments, but it isn't a reoccurring theme in my life like it use to.

    I think a lot of my problem is being hyper sensitive and going overboard with the Ni and assuming too many things. These issues I have both addressed and taken time to work on.

    Being an ENFJ Se is my relief function. In my case, it helps me realize I'm making things too hard on my self. No expectations, no motivations, no worries. Doing things I enjoy doing for fun, here and now, also helps takes things off my mind. Se is a function I truly want to make a larger impact in my life.

    Don't worry Ni, I still love you, and looking at things at all of the angles is what really energies me. Sometimes though, I can get a little overcharge.

    Sometimes I feel alone in this world and was wondering if anybody in here could relate.
    YESSS I RELATE TO THISSSS. Goodness. I like spending time alone but I almost ALWAYS end up thinking about something that depresses me. Just intense depression. And then someone will walk in the door and I have to pretend like nothing happened so I'm all bright and cheery again. Definitely better to be around people than to be alone.

    But sometimes the stuff I think up just won't leave me alone. ): That's when it's time to call in the INFPs!

  8. #8
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    My main issue with ENFJ is that all of the ones i come across are so good. Ideally, you want to ward off the bad and embrace the good or potential good. Of course this is respectable, but i live by keeping the realism. I've embraced my dark thoughts and i utilize them to better grasp myself and others. It gives me a better handle on what is feasible for me to accomplish in my life and as an ENFJ.
    I swear our heavy emotional intensity is in place so we can empathize and take on larger hoards of people, but our heavy emotional intensity makes us less likely to manage all of that empathy and all of those people. It can cause our greatest imperfections, especially if we can't embrace and understand it.

    This does make me curious though. Realistically and ideally, what are your goals in life?

    Fe dom and Ni aux certainly affect the hell out of me, but i don't find that my basis is as externalized as most other ENFJs. I focus intensely on the people i am close with in my life and don't really care about my ability to affect the rest. If they get affected along the way then it is an unexpected bonus round. There is a point where you come first and i have drilled that into my head quite frequently, especially under the pretense of "Others have more potential to benefit from you if you understand/focus on yourself more."

    Maybe certain things just wouldn't get done if ENFJs were inherently like i am, but maybe less ENFJs would suffer the consequences. That becomes an externalizing/internalizing battle of its own.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  9. #9
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    191

    Default

    Thanks everybody for being able to relate. I also find that being around people just makes things better in general.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post

    This does make me curious though. Realistically and ideally, what are your goals in life?
    To answer your question.

    Ideally: To be perfect
    Realistically: To be a positive influence for other people

  10. #10
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    Ideally: To be perfect
    Realistically: To be a positive influence for other people
    Oh the good! :falls over:
    Is it truly all-encompassing? I just can't imagine maintaining both self-preservation and all-encompassing positive influence, but there could be a middle-ground or skill that i'm missing.
    Either way, respectable
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] The dark side of ENFPs
    By FinalFrontier89 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 05-05-2017, 09:06 PM
  2. The dark side of modesty/tact.
    By Fluffywolf in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 02-20-2011, 01:19 PM
  3. [ENFP] ENFPs: The dark side of seeing potential
    By BlueScreen in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 08-03-2009, 10:22 AM
  4. [ENFJ] ENFJ and the "others"
    By The Grand Chameleon in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 06-27-2009, 01:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO