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  1. #1
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Default What is the point of feeling things so intensely?

    I have been deeply hurt by someone recently and been bathing myself in swamps of anger, resentment, self-pity and despair from time to time.

    When I tell my story to people, they only see it as a misunderstanding, something I'm taking way too personally, I'm megasensitive, etc.

    And at some moments, I see clearly and understand it is not so tragic as I take it.

    Why do NFs need to feel upset so easily? What is the purpose of this, what's its usefulness?

    The only logical answer I find is compassion and empathy. When an event has wounded us, we remember the feelings so vividly that whenever we see someone else suffering, we want to help and listen. Does this makes sense to you?

    I have found that the moments I feel the happiest are those when I am counseling a friend and encouraging him when he opens up to me about his hardships. I am happy to help him carry the burden.

  2. #2
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I stopped looking for a point and decided to just try using it to help as much as I'm liable to hurt now and then. I will admit to feeling good when helping a friend do better, though.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  3. #3
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    I have no "need" to feel upset so easily. I can't control it even if my life depended on it. I might not show it outwardly but inside there can be hell at loose. Sometimes I hate it so very much. With positive emotions, however, I can't get enough.

    I think you might be right. We can use our own experiences and emotions we've felt to understand others who are going through some tough times. But I also think that if you haven't mastered your emotions, you are no help to anybody. You can feel very intensely but there's no use for it if you don't know how to use them. So, it seems that at times there is no use or point.

  4. #4
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    I ask myself why I feel things intensely too. The only answer I can come up with is because I'm sensitive. Sensitivity isn't really a bad thing though, if it's used to be compassionate with the right people. When it comes to the negative feelings, it can be quite overwhelming. I definitely recommend to vent these emotions in creative projects, rather than dwell on them. I write poetry or play/compose music to help deal with things.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  5. #5
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Hmm..I'm not really sure how to answer this.

    While I do think I feel things intensely and in matters of the heart it can sometimes take me a long while to either sort through the emotions or move forward if I was hurt and had to rebuild my views on the nature of relationships, I get the impression that I don't feel things quite as intensely as some of the NF's on this forum, in terms of it deeply impacting my ability to carry on with my life, etc. Perhaps I'm able to compartmentalize things a bit more, I'm not sure. Or, I don't know if it's how I was raised, or other factors, but I tend to analyze my emotions with a deep desire to work through them and move forward, rather than remain in an unhappy state (not that you or others desire to remain either, I just don't quite relate to the intensity as it's sometimes described, that's all).

    I feel much more selfish than the OP, I think...I am happiest in a variety of settings, but counseling others wouldn't have been the first setting that came to mind.

    As to the 'point' of it, I think working through things yourself then gives you the ability to have more of a compass to help others in similar situations. The empathy, as you say. Ability to bridge an emotional connection by shared experience/emotion, and being there for someone.

    To oneself - while I think there's a LOT of value in working through emotions and understanding why you feel a certain way, etc, getting to the root of things, I don't see any benefit in wallowing in them (I know people hate that word, but I don't know how else to say it). I think there's a point where you just need to force yourself to move on as you're going in circles and nothing productive or useful is being further gained by simply remaining in that state. At some point you need to move forward, and embrace the future, rather than remain in the past or allowing past events to continue to impact your life in the present.

    (Sorry if that sounds too preachy, it's just what I think about all of it)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #6
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    I definitely recommend to vent these emotions in creative projects, rather than dwell on them. I write poetry or play/compose music to help deal with things.
    I agree. I write and paint. These are essential communication channels for me. What frustrates me is that I also use these means to connect with people, but it is a language that few people understand.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I have no "need" to feel upset so easily. I can't control it even if my life depended on it. I might not show it outwardly but inside there can be hell at loose. Sometimes I hate it so very much. With positive emotions, however, I can't get enough.

    I think you might be right. We can use our own experiences and emotions we've felt to understand others who are going through some tough times. But I also think that if you haven't mastered your emotions, you are no help to anybody. You can feel very intensely but there's no use for it if you don't know how to use them. So, it seems that at times there is no use or point.
    How cool and self-assuming you are about your INFJness, Sky!

    Would you say you have learned to laugh at yourself? I think the expression "Mieux vaut en rire qu'en pleurer" ('Tis better to laugh than to cry about it) has been very salutary at certain moments in my depression. Learning to take a step back and observe the intense, hard-to-read INFJ character with humour is a good thing.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Would you say you have learned to laugh at yourself?
    I was born to laugh at...

  9. #9
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    My personal theory (from a rambling gut-feel INFP point of view) is that we do it for the same reasons that the Thinkers use arguments to reason and refine their personal logic. To come up with the logical truth, you learn to recognize true and false axioms.

    For Feelers, it's about 'positive' and 'negative' feelings. They are the things that we use as input for our Judging function, whether it's for personal or community goals. They probably help to define what the values are and how important they are. If something made you feel bad, would you do the same thing to someone you love? The more intensely you feel something, the more 'true' that emotion will be to you and the more 'weight' you will give it during the decision-making process.

    It's kind of like going to the gym and torturing yourself to build your muscles, except here the muscle is your F. As for the usefulness of having a strong F to the user himself, that's still a point for debate
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

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    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    When something hurts more than it reasonably should, there is sometimes an underlying reason. It can remind a person of a pain or rejection they felt as a child or another time in life when they were especially vulnerable. In that way you feel the momentary disappointment consciously, but also reliving the former wound without realizing it. It's pretty similar to having a severe physical injury like a back injury that can resurface just by moving the wrong way because the new shallow wound re-engaged the deeper wound. In the more abstract realm of emotion it can sometimes be more possible to minimize that effect by becoming conscious of the whole of it.

    I'm aware of this because for the most part I'm level-headed in my emotional responses to things, but have a couple of triggers that bring up more of a response than makes sense for what actually happened.

    As far as counseling others and empathy, I find that it helps to get some use and meaning from a difficult experience.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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