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  1. #51
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #52
    Member branflakes's Avatar
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    I don't know if there's a "point," I just believe it's the way our brains are wired.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    I'm going to assume that the OP is a female. A lot of NF females like to talk about how intensely they feel things and all of that.

    I say, it's all a steaming pile of bull.

    When a woman talks about how intense she feels things or how sensitive she is, the key thing she forgets to add is that she is only that way when it comes things INVOLVING HER.

    The so-called sensitivity, when you objectively analyze it, could actually spring from a rather peculiar form of selfishness.


    Now, I specifically target females in this tirade. Partly for personal reasons which you could easily figure out. Hint: my signature.

    But also because with males it's a different story. I believe that with males, our emotions are purer or less diluted , and if a male NF tells you he feels things intensely, or is extra sensitive, then you can safely take that at face value, for it takes balls to display such vulnerability.

    On the other hand, when a female says, "I feel things so intensely!!!" : Be Wary. You can't just take it on face value for their emotions are more diluted and who knows what the sensitivity could be masking. Perhaps, that sensitivity is a symptom of more complex neurosis or plain old self-absorption.

    "Oh, but I am empathic too!"

    No, not really.

    When you imagine yourself in the person's position and then start to feel sorry for...........................yourself............ ........well, that's not exactly empathy, now is it ?

    Be very way of Fi in females. Too much Fe might lead to mother-henning, but too much Fi could make you think she's in love with you, when she's actually more in love with the "intense feelings" that you make her experience on the inside.

    Something we should all remember: When you're busy feeling things so intensely on the inside, it is much easier to fail to realize the impact of your actions on another.

    Everything else pales in comparison to what you're feeling on the inside. This could make you become self-absorbed, but to yourself, you will think that you're just a misunderstood, perpetual victim ("nobody else understands how powerful my feelings are inside")

    This is why I call it a peculiar form of selfishness.
    Misogynist.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by branflakes View Post
    I don't know if there's a "point," I just believe it's the way our brains are wired.
    Could it be a biological flaw that yet persists in us humans?

    What is better: a relatively cold, calculating person who nevertheless rushes in to help out in a crisis, or the person caught like a deer in the headlights who is too busy "feeling" everything intensely on the inside to act.

    I don't think the question is as simplistic as my obviously biased illustration above shows, but it is something worthy of serious consideration nevertheless.
    The purple sun won't heal my purple bruises :ouch:

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Misogynist.
    That was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, right?
    The purple sun won't heal my purple bruises :ouch:

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    When a woman talks about how intense she feels things or how sensitive she is, the key thing she forgets to add is that she is only that way when it comes things INVOLVING HER.
    Well, you are correct to a certain degree. I can only speak for myself but when I invest interest in something, I do get involved with it personally. It doesn't matter whether I actually was involved with it beforehand. Intense things happening to other people go through my filters and cause intense feelings within me no matter what.

  7. #57
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post

    Everything else pales in comparison to what you're feeling on the inside. This could make you become self-absorbed, but to yourself, you will think that you're just a misunderstood, perpetual victim ("nobody else understands how powerful my feelings are inside")

    This is why I call it a peculiar form of selfishness.
    I do think you have a point here, and this

    What is better: a relatively cold, calculating person who nevertheless rushes in to help out in a crisis, or the person caught like a deer in the headlights who is too busy "feeling" everything intensely on the inside to act.
    kind of goes hand in hand with the quote I posted re. sentimentality.

    But, regarding everything else you posted, yeah, pretty biased there, and your male/female distinction is a little over the top but I think I see what you're getting at... but at least you admit to your being biased!! ha.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #58
    Member Tycho's Avatar
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    I feel a strong inclination to let my feelings be "sincere" in the sense that I genuinely care about the people I love; but that too, is selfishness. If I would have to conclude that my 'passion' is ultimately destructive to others, I would feel really really bad.

    I certainly don't think it can be ascribed to free will if our empathy leads to good things or not. 'Inner beauty' is not more your own merit than outward beauty.

    I guess that what we call "inner refinement" is an attempt to make ourselves loved and admired by others. Charm is a form of manipulation. We're no angels.

  9. #59
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplesunset View Post
    Could it be a biological flaw that yet persists in us humans?

    What is better: a relatively cold, calculating person who nevertheless rushes in to help out in a crisis, or the person caught like a deer in the headlights who is too busy "feeling" everything intensely on the inside to act.
    I don't think the question is as simplistic as my obviously biased illustration above shows, but it is something worthy of serious consideration nevertheless.
    False dichotomy. there is nothing worth considering in this.^

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    But, regarding everything else you posted, yeah, pretty biased there, and your male/female distinction is a little over the top but I think I see what you're getting at... but at least you admit to your being biased!! ha.
    Thank you.

    To clarify, though, I wasn't trying to imply that I'm biased against women, I meant that the scenario I illustrated above was over-simplifying the issue to be biased towards the cold, calculating guy.

    One thing I have been doing a lot lately is getting to the heart of an issue. I want to take any issue and honestly examine it. Sometimes, in order to get in to the heart, it takes jumping out and watching it from an alternative viewpoint.

    I hope my post caused a few people here to jump out and view a comfortably accepted position (e.g. the belief that empathy always stems from altruistic foundations) from an alternative viewpoint.
    The purple sun won't heal my purple bruises :ouch:

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