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  1. #31
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    The only logical answer I find is compassion and empathy. When an event has wounded us, we remember the feelings so vividly that whenever we see someone else suffering, we want to help and listen. Does this makes sense to you?

    I have found that the moments I feel the happiest are those when I am counseling a friend and encouraging him when he opens up to me about his hardships. I am happy to help him carry the burden.
    I think you answered your own question

    I can relate....I feel at peace when offering comfort to another person. All of a sudden, it's not about me and my problems. It's also one of the few times I feel absorbed in the moment also.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    My personal theory (from a rambling gut-feel INFP point of view) is that we do it for the same reasons that the Thinkers use arguments to reason and refine their personal logic. To come up with the logical truth, you learn to recognize true and false axioms.

    For Feelers, it's about 'positive' and 'negative' feelings. They are the things that we use as input for our Judging function, whether it's for personal or community goals. They probably help to define what the values are and how important they are. If something made you feel bad, would you do the same thing to someone you love? The more intensely you feel something, the more 'true' that emotion will be to you and the more 'weight' you will give it during the decision-making process.

    It's kind of like going to the gym and torturing yourself to build your muscles, except here the muscle is your F. As for the usefulness of having a strong F to the user himself, that's still a point for debate
    Great breakdown

    A strong emotional feeling provides much to be evaluated, and much to learn from. The OP sounds like she really engages in an analyzing process of why she responded so strongly....think of what wisdom gleaned from that process.

    Although, sometimes the feeling is disproportionate to the situation, inconvenient, embarrassing, unpleasant, etc....and it really didn't have to be that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Emotions tell us how to behave in the future, how to interact with the external environment. Emotions are crucial to learning from past mistakes.

    Emotional intelligence weighs heavily in determining a successful outcome, however one may define "success."
    Emotional intelligence is not only how well/intensely/quickly we experience & process emotions. Its also how well those emotions motivate us to act.

    I understand what you mean, and I agree that a lifetime of experiencing emotions very intensely and naturally finding great relevance in emotion can be... uncomfortable at times, to say the least However, the true tragedy lies in having no sensor for emotional pain. At an even greater loss is possessing the sensors while neglecting developing a skilled use of that sensor.

    Intense negative emotions provide an even greater motivation to remove whatever stimulus triggered the negative emote, no?

    The complexity of human emotions when paired with our higher level thinking abilities are like unto a sixth sense when compared to other mammals.
    Great points also. I think this illustrates where Fi and Fe diverge in some areas, but it makes sense for all Feelers, nonetheless.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  2. #32
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Slightly related to the OP :

    A major 7.0 earthquake struck Haiti a couple of hours ago. It occured just miles south of the capital of 2 million people and being a shallow quake, will cause horrible damage. Yet, here I am in the office probably the only one of my colleagues who gives a whit about it. After all, Haiti is half the world away and I don't know anyone at all living there. Yet I can't stop myself reading through the descriptions coming out even though it will be hard to read. 4w5 morbid curiosity?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  3. #33
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I use my intensity to help myself learn and to benefit personal growth, as well as interactions with others.
    It reminds me that i am here, alive, and the gravity of what is important to me in this lifetime. It may be too much for other people, but i've learned to take it positively. I don't get upset over everything or everyone. If i find myself upset and the intensity of overbearing then i know the situation warrants it in correlation to my life. I need that knowledge for myself and i may need it to advise others at a later point.

    It all depends on how you view it and what is warranting it that determined the point behind it.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
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  4. #34
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Slightly related to the OP :

    A major 7.0 earthquake struck Haiti a couple of hours ago. It occured just miles south of the capital of 2 million people and being a shallow quake, will cause horrible damage. Yet, here I am in the office probably the only one of my colleagues who gives a whit about it. After all, Haiti is half the world away and I don't know anyone at all living there. Yet I can't stop myself reading through the descriptions coming out even though it will be hard to read. 4w5 morbid curiosity?
    I'm not trying to pick on you but the point of this thread is going over my head. The responses sound a little overwrought to me. What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.

    In this specific situation, what do you expect to be done? What is your expectation of how people are supposed to react? Are they supposed to set up a candle vigil with weeping and wailing? If they don't give a flying fig about it, is that not the more honest reaction? I guess what you're saying is they should give a flying fig about it. It's interesting to me, because I connect this with how people feel complain about Fe foisting feelings or "making" people feel something against their will. When are you supposed to "feel" something for some tragic event thousands of miles away from you? I'm sorry the that people have died and what little some people have has been lost, but my heart isn't bleeding about it. It's just not.

    I think there are many valid factors at work for why there seems to be disinterest, the first being that we're daily inundated with some tragedy happening somewhere and people start tuning it out. Good, bad, I don't know but it is a valid coping mechanism. They also may be conserving their emotional energy for things that are more pertinent and relevant in their lives.

    I'm not sure how you know if people are checking news sites and paying attention unless they tell you they are or you see that they are. And this is even curiouser to me because you'd have to talk about this with others for you to know what their feelings are on the matter (unless you're doing that Fi thing of just "knowing"...I know it's a dig, I'm sorry ). Have you asked them what they think about it or how they feel? Were their responses not to your liking?

    What I'm basically saying (and this is something I'm dealing with as well so I'm not above it) is who are you to dictate what people should and shouldn't care about? We would hope that all people can recognize the importance and significance of certain issues over others, but how people choose to prioritize one thing over another is entirely up to them. Of course, I get frustrated too when I think someone is being dismissive of something I think is important but I also don't think I can tell people how outraged and impassioned they should be. That's veering into proselytizer territory. This is something I've learned especially, over the last year. And honestly, I don't get riled up for everything someone tells me I should care about, so conversely how can I expect someone else to do the same when I come at them?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  5. #35
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I'm not trying to pick on you but the point of this thread is going over my head. The responses sound a little overwrought to me. What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.

    In this specific situation, what do you expect to be done? What is your expectation of how people are supposed to react? Are they supposed to set up a candle vigil with weeping and wailing? If they don't give a flying fig about it, is that not the more honest reaction? I guess what you're saying is they should give a flying fig about it. It's interesting to me, because I connect this with how people feel complain about Fe foisting feelings or "making" people feel something against their will. When are you supposed to "feel" something for some tragic event thousands of miles away from you? I'm sorry the that people have died and what little some people have has been lost, but my heart isn't bleeding about it. It's just not.

    I think there are many valid factors at work for why there seems to be disinterest, the first being that we're daily inundated with some tragedy happening somewhere and people start tuning it out. Good, bad, I don't know but it is a valid coping mechanism. They also may be conserving their emotional energy for things that are more pertinent and relevant in their lives.

    I'm not sure how you know if people are checking news sites and paying attention unless they tell you they are or you see that they are. And this is even curiouser to me because you'd have to talk about this with others for you to know what their feelings are on the matter (unless you're doing that Fi thing of just "knowing"...I know it's a dig, I'm sorry ). Have you asked them what they think about it or how they feel? Were their responses not to your liking?

    What I'm basically saying (and this is something I'm dealing with as well so I'm not above it) is who are you to dictate what people should and shouldn't care about? We would hope that all people can recognize the importance and significance of certain issues over others, but how people choose to prioritize one thing over another is entirely up to them. Of course, I get frustrated too when I think someone is being dismissive of something I think is important but I also don't think I can tell people how outraged and impassioned they should be. That's veering into proselytizer territory. This is something I've learned especially, over the last year. And honestly, I don't get riled up for everything someone tells me I should care about, so conversely how can I expect someone else to do the same when I come at them?
    Errr, I don't see anywhere in my post where I said I'm disappointed that no one else cares about it. My question was why am I feeling intensely about something that 'normal' people don't care about and why I can't stop. My apologies if it sounds like I was having a holier-than-thou moment. That was certainly not the purpose of that post.

    Now excuse me while I go self-flagellate myself further
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  6. #36
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Errr, I don't see anywhere in my post where I said I'm disappointed that no one else cares about it. My question was why am I feeling intensely about something that 'normal' people don't care about and why I can't stop. My apologies if it sounds like I was having a holier-than-thou moment. That was certainly not the purpose of that post.
    But how do you know they don't care?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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  7. #37
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    But how do you know they don't care?
    Well, a couple passed by my cubicle and asked what I was reading, and was like "Oh ok". Perhaps don't care is not the correct word. Like you said, not everyone would be as emotionally invested or as interested in something like this.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  8. #38
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Well, a couple passed by my cubicle and asked what I was reading, and was like "Oh ok". Perhaps don't care is not the correct word. Like you said, not everyone would be as emotionally invested or as interested in something like this.
    Once again, I'm not picking on you.

    But I guess, to assume knowledge (not that you are or aren't doing this) of what an emotional investment is based on a statement like that kinda does make this emotion overwrought to me. I don't know these people, you do. Maybe they were on their way to a meeting, or some place important and maybe they weren't. Maybe they didn't know exactly what happened yet and will later find out in more detail. Maybe they'll talk about it (and give a clue as to their emotional investment) with another person or group of people, but not necessarily to you.

    Gauging interest and investment levels sometimes depends on how much investigating you do. You may find out more accurately how much people care about something.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #39
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Once again, I'm not picking on you.

    But I guess, to assume knowledge (not that you are or aren't doing this) of what an emotional investment is based on a statement like that kinda does make this emotion overwrought to me. I don't know these people, you do. Maybe they were on their way to a meeting, or some place important and maybe they weren't. Maybe they didn't know exactly what happened yet and will later find out in more detail. Maybe they'll talk about it (and give a clue as to their emotional investment) with another person or group of people, but not necessarily to you.

    Gauging interest and investment levels sometimes depends on how much investigating you do. You may find out more accurately how much people care about something.
    Perhaps you're right. If I can come out of my shell a bit and ask why they aren't as interested, then I might understand them and myself better.

    As to the reason for this thread, my understanding is that the OP wanted to know whether there is any point or need to feel things intensely. It's not really about how do I stop feeling things intensely, but about whether there is a good reason that I shouldn't stop.

    Just out of curiosity, do the posts here really sound that overwrought? I won't use the word whiny (that would be assuming knowledge)
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  10. #40
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.
    No, the OP seems to be questioning if there is anything positive about having strong emotional reactions at times. Does it serve any purpose to be very sensitive?

    The posts in the thread are exploring WHY there may be some benefit, and one of those benefits can be a motivation to act and solve problems.

    There's no whining about being stuck on an emotional feeling and not having any control. It's analysis of why do you have a strong emotion to begin with. Is it over-sensitivity that needs to be checked? Maybe some of the time, but it could also be part of a learning/refining process.


    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Just out of curiosity, do the posts here really sound that overwrought? I won't use the word whiny (that would be assuming knowledge)
    No, most don't sound overwrought. But maybe to a disgruntled ESFJ they do.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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