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[ENFP] Complimenting ENFP's (Male/Female)

thescientist

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What kind of compliments make you ENFP's swoon/gush/melt? What are some of the best or most memorable compliments you've received? Compliments about appearance? About your talents?

Would love to hear from both Men/Women.
---

My experience:
A male ENFP was inviting me to play tennis with friends, and I said, "but I dont know how to play". And he says: "That's ok, neither do I!" I said "You always say that, but then you're actually good at it!" He totally gushed at this compliment. I guess he was insecure about being good at sports and this made him feel good. :D

On another occasion, he was going on a trip to a foreign country and was trying to learn a bit of the language. I said: "You'll be fine. You'll just charm your way through." He major gushed! :D

Ahhhh...It's so nice to watch this seemingly confident and macho ENFP squirm with insecurity like a cute little kid when he gets complimented.

:wubbie:
 

chatoyer

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Something unique in any of those areas. NFs are obsessed with having a unique identity (and a unique relationship with you!), so the compliments that really get to us are ones that show you noticed something unusual about us. With your friend, you made a general pattern-like compliment that he could apply to more than just tennis, so that's probably why it had that powerful effect on him.

I get shy and embarrassed when getting a compliment, especially from an NT, because the compliments are rare and you guys are usually hard to impress. But I really treasure those compliments, even if I act all flustered or don't take the compliment well in the moment.
 

Rachelinpa

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Something unique in any of those areas. NFs are obsessed with having a unique identity (and a unique relationship with you!), so the compliments that really get to us are ones that show you noticed something unusual about us.

absolutely. anything that has to do with a "i-have-never-met-anyone-like-you" feel.

sometimes i don't know how to express how much a compliment has meant to me outwardly, but i secretly treasure it.
 

Heart&Brain

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Something unique in any of those areas. NFs are obsessed with having a unique identity (and a unique relationship with you!), so the compliments that really get to us are ones that show you noticed something unusual about us. With your friend, you made a general pattern-like compliment that he could apply to more than just tennis, so that's probably why it had that powerful effect on him.

I get shy and embarrassed when getting a compliment, especially from an NT, because the compliments are rare and you guys are usually hard to impress. But I really treasure those compliments, even if I act all flustered or don't take the compliment well in the moment.

Oh yes, yes +1!

Especially the bolded part: this kind of compliments will be recieved completely different from a compliment for a specific performance in tennis or whatever field in question. We blush because you've SEEN US. And that's kinda intimate... :wubbie:
 

Laurie

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You still into the same guy?
 

thescientist

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You still into the same guy?
I'm completely smitten :( It's so complicated. He's showing signs of being enamored with me all over again. :cry: It seems so genuine this time. But neither one of us is being completely vulnerable yet.

I've just always known he's truly liked me :cry:

Alas..he leaves in a few months and it'll all be over soon....

First time I've ever experienced feelings this strong for somebody. Its been a hell of a rollercoaster. sigh...
 

Laurie

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Aw that's rough :( What is he leaving for?

A compliment counts when it is actually real so it's hard to "plan" one. I imagine you actually meant what you said about the sports.
 

thescientist

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Aw that's rough :( What is he leaving for?

A compliment counts when it is actually real so it's hard to "plan" one. I imagine you actually meant what you said about the sports.

He's moving away to another state. He never seems to stay in one place. :( Wants to make it big in the arts.

Yeah, those were spontaneous and genuine compliments, in a very serious INTJ manner.

Thread was just out of curiousity to know what makes you guys tick. Cant get enough of your type :)
 

Lethe

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I'm completely smitten :( It's so complicated.

Its been a hell of a rollercoaster. sigh...

Oh, how familiar. :cheese:

The raw, intense passion they stir feels utterly uncontrollable and foreign, yet... rather addicting. I must admit that after my own ENFP experience, it's been very hard to capture anything like it again.

So enjoy the rollercoaster ride while you can. ;) Embrace the moment.
 

bighairything

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Have no idea how typical of ENFPs I am, but in term so what makes me (male ENFP) tick...

First thing that popped into my head: sometimes it's the silly, non-serious compliments that can mean the most. One morning after I had spent the night at my girlfriend's place I needed to go to the toilet, and babbling incessantly as I am wont to do I commented that I better put some clothes on as her flatmate and her flatmate's sister were around. She said yes I should, as otherwise they'll steal me from her. After laughing at this I passingly commented that if I were to wander out naked the last thing they would want to do would be to steal me (on account of the fact that I would come across as a creep). After seeming to give this a moment's consideration she said: "No, they'll steal you." I absolutely adore my girlfriend, but at that moment I adored her even more than ever. Not sure how much that counts though because it wasn't really the compliment itself -- which was nonsense -- but the sentiment behind it that moved me.

Apart from that I would say that I might not seem to be very good at taking compliments, but -- echoing what has already been said -- the ones that show someone has noticed something I am good at are the ones that mean the most. I'm generally not one for false modesty when it comes to abilities, so if I say I'm crap (or not so good) at something it means I think I'm crap (or not so good) at it, and it doesn't move when someone says "oh, but you are good at it" because I'll at best disagree with the compliment and at worst disbelieve its sincerity. Conversely, if someone compliments me on something that I know to be a strength, or have done well, my initial reaction may come across as a little too matter-of-fact (i.e. "yes, that is a strength" or "yes, I did do that well"). However, once the fact that I have been complimented has sunk in, it does mean a lot to me.

Most flattering thing that anyone has ever told me: some years ago a clothes designer that I met that previously that evening told me that there some people that can wear anything and make it look good and that I was one of those people. I think I'd be too embarrassed to ever tell anyone about that IRL -- and I don't think it's true anymore if ever it even was true to begin with -- but I doubt I'll forget that compliment to my dying day.
 

thescientist

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First thing that popped into my head: sometimes it's the silly, non-serious compliments that can mean the most. One morning after I had spent the night at my girlfriend's place I needed to go to the toilet, and babbling incessantly as I am wont to do I commented that I better put some clothes on as her flatmate and her flatmate's sister were around. She said yes I should, as otherwise they'll steal me from her. After laughing at this I passingly commented that if I were to wander out naked the last thing they would want to do would be to steal me (on account of the fact that I would come across as a creep). After seeming to give this a moment's consideration she said: "No, they'll steal you." I absolutely adore my girlfriend, but at that moment I adored her even more than ever. Not sure how much that counts though because it wasn't really the compliment itself -- which was nonsense -- but the sentiment behind it that moved me.

That is such a cute anecdote :wubbie:

I must admit that after my own ENFP experience, it's been very hard to capture anything like it again.

Agh...I'm afraid of not experiencing something like it again. At least I'm pretty convinced now that ENFP's are exactly what I want in a long-term relationship. I mean, right now, I feel like it can be no other way. Dating any other type will very likely be a waste of my time. Yup, that convinced. :yes: :yes: :yes:
 

INTP

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Agh...I'm afraid of not experiencing something like it again. At least I'm pretty convinced now that ENFP's are exactly what I want in a long-term relationship. I mean, right now, I feel like it can be no other way. Dating any other type will very likely be a waste of my time. Yup, that convinced. :yes: :yes: :yes:

can i join the club?
 

Thalassa

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I gauge for sincerity. If I can tell the person means what they're saying - i.e. it's specific to me, I guess I'm repeating this tell-me-I'm-special-and-unique thing - then I'm very moved by it.
 

Uytuun

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The raw, intense passion they stir feels utterly uncontrollable and foreign, yet... rather addicting. I must admit that after my own ENFP experience, it's been very hard to capture anything like it again.

+1

Absolutely smitten is a good way of putting it. :heart:

That said, not all ENFPs will do that for you. And they aren't perfect. ;)

(also, I think we've been complimenting them rather nicely in this thread :p)
 

Lady_X

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i think the ones that usually make me the happiest are ones about my work. it's in a creative field and i can be very hard on myself so it's awesome when i know i made someone really happy with it.

also it means a lot when someone comments on something nice i've done or says something about the way i treat people. i guess it means something because not everyone pays attention when it doesn't directly effect them so it's cool when they do.
 

underradar

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The best compliment I ever had was someone told me I am "something special". It still melt me everytime I think about it because I found that person(who said this to me) to be "something special" too. I agree with other people here that xnfp love compliment that
set them apart from anybody, something unusual or unique always left a big impression on me. I have a strong dislike to generic compliment like "nice", I mean, I prefer them to
say nothing instead of saying something that doesn't really mean anything.
 

the state i am in

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My experience:
A male ENFP was inviting me to play tennis with friends, and I said, "but I dont know how to play". And he says: "That's ok, neither do I!" I said "You always say that, but then you're actually good at it!" He totally gushed at this compliment. I guess he was insecure about being good at sports and this made him feel good. :D

On another occasion, he was going on a trip to a foreign country and was trying to learn a bit of the language. I said: "You'll be fine. You'll just charm your way through." He major gushed! :D

Ahhhh...It's so nice to watch this seemingly confident and macho ENFP squirm with insecurity like a cute little kid when he gets complimented

the stock compliments may work on/by some people (imagines esfxs, estxs). but these compliments work because they are true. they are major enfp skills. i find that compliments are a way of showing that you recognize someone else. i don't compliment someone unless i feel like saying, this is an aspect of you that may not be recognized by others, but i recognize it. i may have this urge for a wide variety of reasons, it may be encouragement, or it may be a way of saying i like you, or it may be a drunken gregariousness that sometimes takes over. but regardless of the motivation, it has to be a way of seeing them that i imagine would be good to hear.

the "you're special" approach works with Fi types in the sense that, they can see you're trying and detect it's truth more accurately, regardless of how little you say. i envy that ability. i need to see what you see, a gesture that hits the mark, etc. otherwise i just toss it on the table with the rest of the unopened mail. maybe it's a bill or maybe it's a check, i'll wait and see...
 

Esoteric Wench

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The best compliments for this ENFP fall into two categories:

  1. Compliments that succinctly articulate the essence that is me. That's something that INFJs, INFPs, and INTJs can do very well... if the spirit moves them. Those darn INxJs can keep things too close to the chest sometimes.
  2. Also, saying anything about how I have a positive impact on your life. Wow! These kind of remarks blow me away... because positively impacting other people's lives is soooooooooooooooooo important to me. I feel like such the super ENFP when I hear comments like this. :cheese:
 
G

garbage

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I'm generally not one for false modesty when it comes to abilities, so if I say I'm crap (or not so good) at something it means I think I'm crap (or not so good) at it, and it doesn't move when someone says "oh, but you are good at it" because I'll at best disagree with the compliment and at worst disbelieve its sincerity.

hahahaha this, yeah

I'm introspective. I'm pretty honest about what I think are my own strengths and weaknesses. I fully accept my weaknesses and work on them. I want my close friends to be able to understand that about me.

I used to comment about my terrible memory to my ISFP ex.. I wasn't looking for advice, reassurance, or praise, and I wasn't lamenting that particular weakness; I was probably just commenting in the context of the conversation or something (yeah, I can't remember :doh:).

But she'd then proceed to tell me how good my memory is. And I could just plain tell that she was flattering me in a failed attempt to alleviate a nonexistent sadness within me. Right. It speaks positively to her character that she felt the need to "cheer me up"--it means that she genuinely cared--but it didn't exactly come across as though she understood me.

The poor, sweet girl.. she tried, though.


Anyway, about compliments to give? Talk about or hint at character traits. I don't want to hear about accomplishments. Rather, tell me that I'm trustworthy or that I've inspired you to do something.

I'm a sucker for the unexpected compliments, too, especially regarding my own potential at some sport or activity I'm new at. And the ones that mark me as an individual. I have to admit that the best compliment I've ever received is probably something along the lines of, "You're not like the (other) engineers in this town."

Whatever it is, though, make it genuine, or I won't believe you.

Oh, and I'll shrug off, deflect, or only sheepishly accept most any compliment I get, but don't think that it didn't touch me.
 
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