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  1. #21
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    A compliment counts when it is actually real so it's hard to "plan" one. I imagine you actually meant what you said about the sports.
    That.

  2. #22
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    I agree with a lot of what has been said so far.

    As far as NTJs are concerned, I feel complimented when I can see that they genuinely value my input on a subject that is personally important to them.

    no promises, but more later

  3. #23
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    I have some questions to add.

    So how do you know when someone is genuine? Is it based on an impression or what you know of the person paying the compliment? Some ENFPs I know are endlessly praised for a talent or virtue, it actually embarrasses me to watch it. Can a deluge of compliments be actually gratifying for you or is it the reverse? And is it possible for an ENFP to ever feel genuinely moved by a sincere compliment for something they are frequently praised for? Or does it all start to sound the same?

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I have some questions to add.

    So how do you know when someone is genuine? Is it based on an impression or what you know of the person paying the compliment?
    All of this probably enters into it for me, at least subconsciously, because I don't really think about the initial impression.

    It's easy to see another person's motivations. You innately know the nature of the person and have a sense of the level of mutual understanding between the two of you. Any feeling of reservedness or nervousness on their part probably plays into that impression, too.

    I dunno. I just "tell" more often than not. I know that doesn't help

    I'll get to the rest of it later.

  5. #25
    Senior Member bighairything's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I have some questions to add.

    So how do you know when someone is genuine? Is it based on an impression or what you know of the person paying the compliment? Some ENFPs I know are endlessly praised for a talent or virtue, it actually embarrasses me to watch it. Can a deluge of compliments be actually gratifying for you or is it the reverse? And is it possible for an ENFP to ever feel genuinely moved by a sincere compliment for something they are frequently praised for? Or does it all start to sound the same?
    Accepting that there's a huge amount of variation depending on context and what I know of the person giving the compliment, a rough rule of thumb is whether I think the compliment is true or not. As with greed, I'm introspective and honest with myself about my strengths and weaknesses. If someone praises something that I know to be a weakness, I'm unlikely to take the compliment at face value. That's when I'll start thinking about context etc (though of itself it doesn't necessarily mean I think the person is being insincere).

  6. #26
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I have some questions to add.

    So how do you know when someone is genuine? Is it based on an impression or what you know of the person paying the compliment?
    It's an impression backed up by actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Some ENFPs I know are endlessly praised for a talent or virtue, it actually embarrasses me to watch it. Can a deluge of compliments be actually gratifying for you or is it the reverse? And is it possible for an ENFP to ever feel genuinely moved by a sincere compliment for something they are frequently praised for? Or does it all start to sound the same?
    Not typically gratifying to me. One sincere compliment is enough. In general, non-verbal acknowledgments are even better. If I'm doing great things on the job, I'd want my paycheck to reflect that or I want a promotion. If you like the way I play the piano, I just want you to take the time to hear me play and enjoy yourself. I don't necessarily interpret appreciation the same as I do praise. Appreciation seems warm, and I can feel it, but I never took well to praise or too many compliments. Especially when I was younger, criticism and praise had the potential to throw me off my path, confuse me, and make me feel uncomfortable. I stopped playing the piano and stopped drawing because the levels of praise and criticism were too high for me. I mostly prefer to run on my own steam.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  7. #27
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post

    I stopped playing the piano and stopped drawing because the levels of praise and criticism were too high for me. I mostly prefer to run on my own steam.
    I can totally relate.
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  8. #28
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I wonder how much of an XNFP thing that is? I didn't find out how many people felt that way until I started reading Alfie Kohn.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  9. #29
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    I just looked up Alfie Kohn.

    "No grades + No homework = Better Learning".

    I've got a good feeling about this.....




    And to keep this post from being a derail, allow me to bring it back to the topic.....

    Praise is a double-edged sword for me.

    On one hand, it's affirming and it increases my confidence.

    But on the other hand, it's very tempting to coast on the praise of others and lose sight of my own ethics, values, aesthetic judgements, etc.

    I start "playing to the crowd" and compromising more than I'm comfortable with, and have to withdraw and "center" myself again, so that I don't feel like a phony.


    Too much praise also tempts me to simply "rest on my laurels" and be satisfied with past accomplishments, rather than to buckle down and work toward new accomplishments.
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