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Thread: Are NFs Clingy?

  1. #51
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    And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

    I relate to this. I only become clingy (and I hate it) when I feel there's been a serious miscommunication with someone I care about and I can't remedy it because an attempt to do so will push them further away. The "attempt to do so" can be clingy because I will make myself available to that person much more than I normally would to talk and try and normalize things, and to get a feel about the energy between us. But this isn't a good thing oftentimes because it only makes them feel forced to communicate, to try and make me feel better and to show me all is OK. It makes them feel crowded. Space is a better thing, especially for another NF. NFs need room to breathe and consider situations/options.

  2. #52
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    Of course lets not get into the subject of falling in love as that is a whole new level of clinging there.

    Tell me about it. A whole new level is putting it mildly.

    Edit to add: When I'm overly emotional because of stressors or other things going on my life, I can become needy of my closest friends. I can usually handle my own emotional life just fine but if things are overwhelming me, I seek out the comfort of friends much more, and for longer periods of time. I naturally enjoy a two-way conversation or listening to another person, but during these times, I can end up taking up whole conversations just on what's bothering me. I have to watch this tendency to want to verbalize everything in detail.

    Another edit: I'm not usually clingy at all, even if I'm falling in love. My experience is usually the opposite. I've felt clingy while falling/being in love when other things in my life are overwhelming me emotionally and I can't find my center as easily. And when my interactions with the person I care for becomes unclear or muddled.
    Last edited by Lauren; 01-11-2010 at 08:48 AM.

  3. #53
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    Depends on who it is
    A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes,
    I screamed aloud, as it tore through them,
    and now it's left me blind...

  4. #54
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    cling∑y. 1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. 2. sticking to body: sticking closely to the body. - from Encarta.com

    I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

    I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

    For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)

    Also note that younger and/or insecure ENFPs can be ingratiating. This is very different from clingy I think. Ingratiating is about getting someone's affections that you don't already have. Clingy is about holding on / overly focusing on affections you already do have.

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    I have a serious problem with detaching if anything...

    I hate it.

    :'(

  6. #56
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    -Repeat post-

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    cling∑y. 1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. 2. sticking to body: sticking closely to the body. - from Encarta.com

    I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

    I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

    For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)

    Also note that younger and/or insecure ENFPs can be ingratiating. This is very different from clingy I think. Ingratiating is about getting someone's affections that you don't already have. Clingy is about holding on / overly focusing on affections you already do have.
    I relate to all of this. The ingratiating thing is very interesting... I can certainly relate to that. The thing is, I merge with people in my mind, not in the real connection sense. Possibly why I find it easy to detach in the real life (not internal) sense.

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    [INDENT]cling∑y.
    I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

    I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

    For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)
    This is a very good point, and I completely agree that NFs behavior can be misinterpreted. I'm also a very intense person and I want authenticity as well. If I don't feel I'm getting an authentic reaction from a friend, it's revolting to me, and if I'm not authentic in my interactions, I feel the same. But again, good point. I work with two S bosses who I've sensed interpret my friendly nature as something superfluous and unnecessary, hence I could see how they would view it as clingy.

  9. #59
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    I think I am unclingy and try to be as low maintenance as possible, perhaps too low and that of itself could be an issue.

    Healthy NF behaviour is to be as unclingy as possible. However unhealthy NF behaviour could lean to clinginess. Actually even unhealthy NF behaviour is opposed to clinginess or at least this could apply to certain types more than others. For instance introverts are fierce about independence and would assume on that premise since introverts like privacy a lot more may feel being clingy is imposing and do less of it. Than again it really goes back to how secure and insecure NF personalities are in themselves.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

    I relate to this. I only become clingy (and I hate it) when I feel there's been a serious miscommunication with someone I care about and I can't remedy it because an attempt to do so will push them further away. The "attempt to do so" can be clingy because I will make myself available to that person much more than I normally would to talk and try and normalize things, and to get a feel about the energy between us. But this isn't a good thing oftentimes because it only makes them feel forced to communicate, to try and make me feel better and to show me all is OK. It makes them feel crowded. Space is a better thing, especially for another NF. NFs need room to breathe and consider situations/options.
    This happened to me a few times in the past. Whenever I feel like someone misinterprets my body or verbal language, I would unconsciously act clingy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    I think I am unclingy and try to be as low maintenance as possible, perhaps too low and that of itself could be an issue.

    Healthy NF behaviour is to be as unclingy as possible. However unhealthy NF behaviour could lean to clinginess. Actually even unhealthy NF behaviour is opposed to clinginess or at least this could apply to certain types more than others. For instance introverts are fierce about independence and would assume on that premise since introverts like privacy a lot more may feel being clingy is imposing and do less of it. Than again it really goes back to how secure and insecure NF personalities are in themselves.
    Who would have ever thought of putting that into better words? I totally agree with people that say that a healthy NF would try to avoid being labeled as clingy.

    According to most posts I've read so far, NFs do not seem to be the clingiest of all types (what an eye opener). So then, are SJs the clingiest? Maybe SPs? or NTs?

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