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[INFJ] Describe INFJ manipulation

Prime

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
61
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
While I'm not a big fan of manipulation, sometimes it's necessary in order to result in a desirable outcome. Manipulation can be used for good.

I hang out with an INFJ-ESTP couple and sometimes I manipulate situations that would yield results that make everyone happy. For a simple, non-serious example: picking restaurants.

This INFJ woman manifests her indirect nature as indecisiveness, whereas this ESTP man is genuinely indecisive. Outcome: nothing ever happens. However, when ESTP dude makes a suggestion, I'm able to pick up the vibes of INFJ girl. I can tell when a "yes" means "hell no." If it's going to bother her, I'll turn into a tyrant and demand on going somewhere else (somewhere she would prefer to go). Basically, I'll flip my personality around in order to E her I and J his P.

Why? Well, if the restaurant sucks (they never do), the ESTP can blame me for making a bad choice while the INFJ wouldn't have to feel any guilt. On the other hand, if things go well, everybody's happy. It saps a lot of energy from me, but so does cold INFJ silence.

Because if I do, it's not intentional. :unsure:

Just by asking that question, any manipulation you may do is probably not malicious. Being conscious of an action you associate a negative connotation with may mean you already approach people and situations with a lot of thought. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
and the little girl approaching the haunted house avatar

:laugh: It's not a haunted house, it's the green house in The Shipping News. The little girl has a vision of the storm destroying the old building. She's quite psychic (possible INFJ).

About your apologies... If you are so sorry about being manipulative, I think you're on the right track.
 

Lenian

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
Bah!! I wish I could manipulate people, how does one do that? Ive never been able to work out how sneaky minds come up with that sort of cunningness.
I'm coming up to 40 and stil havent worked out how to do it. Not that I'd be hapy manipulating folks, even if I could.
I dunno, maybe some INFJ's are whiney, ok, I can concede that maybe, some will be voiciferous in trying to convince you to their way, but overall, (of course I dont speak for every INFJ, only myself,..) I may be going on and on and not really being heard, but it does seem that i have to be a bit repetitive and whingey to actually get someone to lisaten sometimes...yes, i can nag and rant, and even try to wear someone down to coming round to my point of view, but its very much an out in the open, obvious tactic,... nothing manipulative about it. More often than not, my open methods of confrontation or asking people to do things a certain way, do not suceed, so i'm at least one INFJ that couldnt manipulate to save her life.
I just dont seem to have that paralell type thinking going on.
G. x

Why the long-winded answer? Feeling a little stubborn against possible guilty feelings? :shock:
 

Lenian

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
I can predict how particular individuals will react to various ways I could phrase a statement/request. I simply choose the way that will give the best results... well, the ones that are best for me, usually. ;)

Could you see an INFJ doing this for the reason because...He or she is sooo hurt from being unhappy for so long...and do this to the level of it being an ingrained habit after becoming so mentally tired from all that is wrong in their life being unhappy that there appears little other way to respond through their exhaustion?
And then it sabotages an entire relationship because the person on the receiving end of the 'manipulation' conditions or ends up conditioned to believe they are actually doing something wrong and after awhile of this never knew what is really going on so they respond from a visceral place and react, saying and or doing hurtful things back...

The whole thing snowballing downward?

In other words, is it possible nearsightedness isn't apparent to an INFJ?

That the INFJ wouldn't know what they were doing out of insecurity and not coping or sorting through problems and troubles through life, ending in a place of unhealthiness like this? And it just so happens another person in a relationship gets dragged into it to...not having a clue what is really at work...the relationship ending because it is believed the relationship is to blame but it's really not the relationship but unhealthiness of the INFJ and they couldn't see it?

I know...it's long winded.

Comments?
 

Lenian

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2010
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENTP
This MY experience with INFJ's. You've just discounted my truth, because it isn't congruent with your perception, reinforcing my point. Again INFJ's either don't listen, or dismiss input because it doesn't align with thier reality. No, it's type specific, but in my experience, INFJ's do it far more consistantly then any other type. Occasionally, I wonder if the INFJ's that are currently in my circle have any grips on reality at all.
Communication starts with listening, if you have already discounted what I have say because it doesn't fit your vision, then that two way, give and take aspect of communication isn't happening, you've let your side down. I can't comminicate if you've stuck a wall up and said that can't be.

This thread is really interesting, and especially your comments and some others..I'd like to add to this...

Can this INFJ refusing to accept anything that doesn't align with their vision could come across to another as refusing to be loved? Wouldn't there will be little or not enough growth. Then if this is repeated as a habit, the relationship goes downhill and ends because of some blame game wherein the INFJ really concludes inside that they aren't really loved?
All because of not aligning to the vision?

Wouldn't this seem really immature? Or could it be unintentional manipulation? or intentional I suppose?
 
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