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  1. #31
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think INFJs become directive mostly with people they care a lot about. They expect more of them because they make up a big part of their inner circle. They also don't tend to risk conflict unless they believe that it needs to happen for the relationship to continue or because it is fueled out of sincere concern. And in some cases, if the person they are extremely close to acts in a way that is extremely far out of line with the INFJ's beliefs of what is good and right, they may not be able to co-exist together. Casual acquaintances and friends don't really warrant that kind of emotion, trouble, or risk of damage to the relationship.

  2. #32
    Member Goodewitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think INFJs become directive mostly with people they care a lot about. They expect more of them because they make up a big part of their inner circle. They also don't tend to risk conflict unless they believe that it needs to happen for the relationship to continue or because it is fueled out of sincere concern. And in some cases, if the person they are extremely close to acts in a way that is extremely far out of line with the INFJ's beliefs of what is good and right, they may not be able to co-exist together. Casual acquaintances and friends don't really warrant that kind of emotion, trouble, or risk of damage to the relationship.
    This is spot on I think.
    I agree completely that an INFJ will only give you a hard time if he/she really cares about you. casual freinds and aquaintances sort of get off easier, purely because the INFJ doesnt care so much about them.
    If we love you,.. we LOVE you, you are a massive part of our little world, if you have a view or act in ways that simply scream WRONG to an INFJ, its possible that the INFJ will see no other way but to end the association. We risk conflict only when its really really nessacery to our peace of mind and sometimes our sanity.
    INFJ doesnt manipulate, as much as fight tooth and nail to keep our world right, and congruent with our values. if you are acting in a way that makes a mockery of our values, or morality, then some of us will regretfully, but firmly remove you.
    G. x
    My INFJ license is regulary revoked,.. I am a sometime refugee in the INTJ holding centre.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goodewitch View Post
    If we love you,.. we LOVE you, you are a massive part of our little world, if you have a view or act in ways that simply scream WRONG to an INFJ, its possible that the INFJ will see no other way but to end the association.
    What if the person in question is close family?

  4. #34
    Member Goodewitch's Avatar
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    To Sytpg.
    I am speaking for myself here, but I have broken off all contact with a father, a brother, and a sister because their actions and values were so inconsistent with mine. I'm not saying all INFJ's would, but i did.
    Then again, Im just a particularly garrulous and hard line INFJ.
    G. x
    My INFJ license is regulary revoked,.. I am a sometime refugee in the INTJ holding centre.

  5. #35
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Fidelia, Goodewitch,
    That makes sense. My friend and I may have part ways, if there is any chance of salvaging the relationship, as I'm some what, going against her values.

    Funny, I just see it as a realingment, of my vision. It's not that I have abandoned the business, I've just put it on hold.
    I can see how my friend would see it as giving up though. My vision has changed, but hers has not.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #36
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goodewitch View Post
    You're gonna get this sometimes with INFJ's... Some of us simply cannot get past liking on conditions... some of us are very conditional in our like/love. May as well be honest about this less than easy part of being an INFJ.
    I became aware of this a couple of years ago and discovered unconditional love in my spiritual walk with God (the description of divine love found in 1 Corinthians 13 was a revelation in this particular context). I'm working hard on this right now. The hardest part for me is "Love thinketh no evil" and "love believeth all things, hopeth all things." I tend to feel it's a nave attitude, but I still have a sinful nature... I'm working on getting over a hurtful experience with someone I idealized, and I'm learning to see things from her perspective and to love her still, even though I'm still hurting very much.

    Glad I'm on the right track.
    In order not to manipulate or go melodramatic about a situation, I often go blunt and dry, but it doesn't work much better. I think the solution is to listen and to be open-minded about your interlocutor's position, even if you cannot find a reference to it in your Ni.

  7. #37
    Member Goodewitch's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're just ready to move on Firey,
    You're allowed to grow and develop your values in any way you think is best for you, if it means leaving your INFJ freind behind, so to speak, its possible that its just the time in both your lives to part ways, your world will keep turning and so will hers, INFJ's never lose love for a freind, even if sometimes we cant be in the freindship, /relationship, or whatever, we hopefully wish the other person well on their own journey in life.
    Nothing lasts forever, even freindships sometimes.
    G. x
    My INFJ license is regulary revoked,.. I am a sometime refugee in the INTJ holding centre.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Yeah I have to say dissociating from family that is toxic is needed. What happens when your infp and seem to still think there is something salvageable and stick around way longer than you need to. that is what happened and my personal growth got stunted.

    As to op its subtle and its well intentioned. unlike some where its abrupt and emotionally blackmailing, forcing people to do something against their will. the infj way is to guide a person to a direction on their own with hints that it is the right direction without being forceful or pushy I think. At the same time interested in the other persons well being. Then again after a good time when the habits stay the same I'd say if infj are unable to reconcile the differences and nothing changes they will make a decision based on their values to reason whether it is right to steer them in a healthy direction or how much impact they have in their life and let go for their own health if its nonconstructive to be there for them.

  9. #39
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    must be manipulative i do so many things mentioned in this thread, especially by the avatar in the leather jacket and the little girl approaching the haunted house avatar

    i'm sorry, eternally sorry for any grief i've caused, anyone anywhere throughout my life, let it be known i wasn't right.

    when i feel pushy its bc i'm coming from a ego place. i cant' stop the ones i don't want to be closer to from those i might allow a deeper relationship with. i don't trust people to begin with. noone really makes much sense to me when i take you on face value. i seem to put more into what you say than is warranted, however sensor dominates are usually not that way. may be why i attach myself to you so readily!

    but anyway forgive my evil ways. :rolli: but don't dismiss me bc of them. i wish i could be more exact in how i interpret events and telling you how much you mean to me. maybe its bc im not very verbally oriented and have low ti and don't want to hurt you?

  10. #40
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    I don't think directive is a bad thing. How can I think it is!? If INJs were to give up their decision-making, they'd disappear from this world completely! I'm just wondering how the INFJ brand of directive works.

    I do think that there's a whole lot more to it than just being pushy. A whole lot of processing goes into deciding, right? And even as it sounds like putting things or people into boxes, there's still a whole lot of corrective action too, right? The direction is the start point, and *then* there's the building, the construction that follows the start point--the harmony making, the planning, the generation of something important.

    I may be beating this horse into a pulp, but still "harmony" is quite the vague term. I'm sure--sorta--that INFJs are as constructive as INTJs, and value progress, moving toward.... harmony? There it is again, that vague "harmony". "Acting in accord with values" is also vague because "values" is still mysterious.

    Yep, battles are picked; yep, preserving resources of strength and interest are priorities, or at least factors; and yep, none of this is done blindly. But how?


    INFJs I know in real life are often terse and disappointed but with goodwill still. Which is odd to witness.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

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