[ENFP] ENFPs and 'sadness'?

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I am an ENFP, as you can probably see and read. I have a problem with sadness. Despite being medicated for clinical depression, there is still a pain in my heart that never goes away. At times it is much more pronounced than others. It is a lonely and hopeless feeling. Even when I am extremely happy, there is always a twinge. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't sit around and mope. Infact, I am a very animate, joyful person.. But that feeling is always there. It manifests itself in my art, which is commonly dark and gloomy. Is this particular to most ENFPs? Or maybe NFs in general? (Or ALL types at certain periods of time?) Maybe it is because we are idealists, but I'm unsure. Opinions? Facts?

 

[Thalassa]

I feel lonely a lot when I'm not in a relationship, even though I have friends and family and co-workers, et al. It's a different kind of loneliness. I'm not sure if that's what you mean.

I've always had a deep, deep capacity for all feelings, and of course that includes sadness. More at some times than others. I cry easily.

 

[BerberElla]

Same as. It's as if something crucial is just broken in me, and no matter how happy I appear, or even feel, it takes a mere moment to be overwhelmed by that sadness that never goes away.

I quit the meds, they don't really hold anything at bay anymore so it's pointless.

Someone close to me once suggested that maybe I just didn't know how to be happy, that when I had happiness I eventually saw flaws where none were. Isn't that part of the idealist trait? nopthing ever hits the spot for long?

No advice, just a poster reaching out to say "yeah, I feel your pain too".

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I feel lonely a lot when I'm not in a relationship, even though I have friends and family and co-workers, et al. It's a different kind of loneliness. I'm not sure if that's what you mean.

I've always had a deep, deep capacity for all feelings, and of course that includes sadness. More at some times than others. I cry easily.

Same, very much the same. I just read another topic about ENFPs and sadness, and I think my problem is that I'm not getting enough praise and affection. I'm not an attention whore or anything, but when I go a day almost entirely unnoticed, it makes me feel very sad. I love it when people approach ME and talk to me, but that hasn't been happening very lately. I've been the one taking all of the initiative, all day long.

 

[Queen Kat]

I wouldn't call myself sad. It's more some kind of dissatisfaction. I have to reach several goals before I can be happy and somehow it's never enough. I'm always searching for that one thing that can make me the happiest person on earth, but I never find it. And when I think I found it, it disappoints me. When I reached that ultimate happiness, it never takes more than a week. Then I somehow always find myself new goals, which make me unsatisfied again. (Does this mean that I'm NOT and ENFP anymore? )

 

[Thalassa]

Same, very much the same. I just read another topic about ENFPs and sadness, and I think my problem is that I'm not getting enough praise and affection. I'm not an attention whore or anything, but when I go a day almost entirely unnoticed, it makes me feel very sad. I love it when people approach ME and talk to me, but that hasn't been happening very lately. I've been the one taking all of the initiative, all day long.

Yes! I relate! I have no problem at all taking initiative with other people, but if I have to keep doing it I feel like I'm not really appreciated, like I'm some kind of needy loser.

I need attention and affection. I used to love being on stage, too.

 

[JoSunshine]

I used to NEVER be sad...seriously hardly ever. Since my last break-up, I have done a lot of soul searching and realized how imperfect I really am and think about all of the mistakes I've made in my life (without even knowing it at the time). I think my rediculous optimism used to keep me happy and always moving forward. I have become more of a realist...reality is for the birds.

I agree with you about the attention thing. I never needed to be the center of attention or get attention from a lot of people...but at least from one important person in my life (e.g. a boyfriend). Once I realized how dependent I was on the approval from others for a sense of self-worth and realized there was something essential was missing in me to feel that way, it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I now know why a feel that way based on my childhood, I am just not sure how to "fix" it. It's crazy-making.

I wish I had some sound advice for you, unfortunately I don't. Hopefully, someone does...for both of us.

 

[mr.awesome]

dont bash me cause im not an enfp and i cant associate exactly with you folk, but my very close friend is an enfp. she seems to get bummed quite a bit. the strange thing about her sadness is that as the extrovert she is, she keeps herself so isolated and withdrawn when shes sad.
not saying this is a trait for enfp's. just that is how this specific person reacts to sadness.

 

[nomadic]

yea there's times i feel sad, but usually ill go drinking w buddies, going out, and the excitement of meeting girls and hooking up keeps me from getting too down. i think its because im a guy its different because this involves more the chase fun, while for a girl it is a different kind of fun where u are waiting for the guy. mine is easier to match to my mood at my discretion...

when i do have those moments of sadness and i don't go out, i end up chilling in my room and listening to 80's 90's songs that i grew up to. lolz that totally makes me like revitalize and stuff.

 

[Moiety]

I only get sad when I have a specific problem. I can get some of that "dissatisfaction" feeling sometimes though, but I suspect nowhere near as often as enneagram type 7 ENFPs.

 

[nomadic]

btw, its the post holiday blues...

i.e. if u were single during the new years, christmas, etc... its normal for all singles out there during the holiday season to feel this way. thats why at new years eve's parties, so many of my buddies said girls wanted to hook up...

and also a lot of girls know this ahead of time and plan accordingly. a barrage of single girls i know got boyfriends in the month leading up to this holiday season. valentines is coming up, u should probably start preparing very soon... preparing meaning, brush up on your guy snatching up skillz, or get ready to feel this sadness again. if you can't realize that the two are connected, then u are doomed again to repeat this thread in a month and 2 weeks...

 

[mr.awesome]

btw, its the post holiday blues...

i.e. if u were single during the new years, christmas, etc... its normal for all singles out there during the holiday season to feel this way. thats why at new years eve's parties, so many of my buddies said girls wanted to hook up...

and also a lot of girls know this ahead of time and plan accordingly. a barrage of single girls i know got boyfriends in the month leading up to this holiday season. valentines is coming up, u should probably start preparing very soon... preparing meaning, brush up on your guy snatching up skillz, or get ready to feel this sadness again. if you can't realize that the two are connected, then u are doomed again to repeat this thread in a month and 2 weeks...

this is also true. i totally experience this :/ [home alone for new years eve, woo]
but i think they were just talking about sadness in general.

 

[nomadic]

this is also true. i totally experience this :/ [home alone for new years eve, woo]
but i think they were just talking about sadness in general.

yeah, but the timing just makes it seem like ppl don't know why they were sad. but in reality, this reason was probably it

im so drunk

where did the drunk thread go????

ahhh yah oh yeah oh yeah,,,, RICOOOO SUAVEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha

 

[Hexis]

Ive come to accept that perpetual sadness might just be part of being an ENFP. What I eqaute it to is the fact that we are individuals that DEMAND an ideal world, with and ideal future. And no matter where you live or the goals you accomplish in your life. The world will never be the idealism you strive for, it will forever be an impossible war. But one...that the idealists. like me and you, can never stop fighting.

Keep fighting sir, keep fighting.

 

[Hexis]

Ok I just re-read my last pot, and personally I find it fucking epic even if no other idealist finds its so.

Let me explain why,. (remember im drunk currently so my statements are truer than ever) for those idealists that might not respect my PoV.

I dont like war. Killing is bad. Life is precious. But nothing makes life more precious than the men and women who are willing to sacrifice their most precious commodity for me to have that same commodity.

I like to think of life itself as a war, and ill make them proud

 

[nomadic]

life is a circle

 

[Hexis]

life is a circle

So understated.

Life is a strange loop.

And yet when I say "strange loop", I have something else in mind — a less concrete, more elusive notion. What I mean by "strange loop" is — here goes a first stab, anyway — not a physical circuit but an abstract loop in which, in the series of stages that constitute the cycling-around, there is a shift from one level of abstraction (or structure) to another, which feels like an upwards movement in a hierarchy, and yet somehow the successive "upward" shifts turn out to give rise to a closed cycle. That is, despite one's sense of departing ever further from one's origin, one winds up, to one's shock, exactly where one had started out. In short, a strange loop is a paradoxical level-crossing feedback loop.

 

[PeaceRobin]

I can totally relate to feeling sad when people don't come up and talk to me on a certain day. Vice versa- if a lot of people say hello and smile, I feel like a million bucks.

I think we may be prone to sadness but only if our ability to dream has been compromised for some reason. If some change has occured that has put us farther away from our ideal world.. I think we must follow our hearts with everything, especially doing a job we love and having true and deep relationsihps. If we settle for less and we know it, we will not be happy. It sucks because what makes us happy may not be what others want of us or what is easiest so we can stuck. I love this quote from Ghandi:

Happiness is when what we think, what we say, and what we do are in harmony.

Unfortunately what we think and say is often idyllic.. our actions must be true to our I-F and E-N or we will feel like failures.

 

[revolve]

I am an ENFP, as you can probably see and read. I have a problem with sadness. Despite being medicated for clinical depression, there is still a pain in my heart that never goes away. At times it is much more pronounced than others. It is a lonely and hopeless feeling. Even when I am extremely happy, there is always a twinge. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't sit around and mope. Infact, I am a very animate, joyful person.. But that feeling is always there. It manifests itself in my art, which is commonly dark and gloomy. Is this particular to most ENFPs? Or maybe NFs in general? (Or ALL types at certain periods of time?) Maybe it is because we are idealists, but I'm unsure. Opinions? Facts?

i am not medicated nor have i ever been, but YES i always have a deep deep sadness inside AT ALL TIMES . . . a sadness, an emptiness, a lonliness . . . maybe even despair (dare i say?) but yeah, it runs deep. getting into eastern thought / eastern philosophy has helped . . . a partner that is touchy feely / physically affectionate & nurturing (and compliments you a lot) is a huge help . . . until they are gone- but either way i hate myself for how damn good a warm, nurturing, attention giving partner has made me feel in the past & how devastated i felt when it ended . . . anyways there is something in our CORE that we need to build from the ground up -- something that we need to get from ourselves & not from others -- something very basic yet vital -- something that has always caused a type of shame / embarrassment / humiliation in me for being the one that needed so much. WTF is wrong with me? what we need to do is face this pain head on. not go out dancing or drinking or flirting or partying or playing video games or smoking weed - - facing the pain will lessen it over time. let's all try this & post again about this in a few months to see how we've changed

 

[Thalassa]

i am not medicated nor have i ever been, but YES i always have a deep deep sadness inside AT ALL TIMES . . . a sadness, an emptiness, a lonliness . . . maybe even despair (dare i say?) but yeah, it runs deep.

I can get really sad and depressed, but I don't feel deep deep sadness at all times. I've actually been told by some people that occasionally I am irritatingly or annoyingly happy. I'm often happy for no reason, and frequently when I am sad deep down inside there is a reason - often to do with loneliness or feeling unloved.

getting into eastern thought / eastern philosophy has helped . . . a partner that is touchy feely / physically affectionate & nurturing (and compliments you a lot) is a huge help . . . until they are gone- but either way i hate myself for how damn good a warm, nurturing, attention giving partner has made me feel in the past & how devastated i felt when it ended . . .

I do relate to this.

anyways there is something in our CORE that we need to build from the ground up -- something that we need to get from ourselves & not from others -- something very basic yet vital -- something that has always caused a type of shame / embarrassment / humiliation in me for being the one that needed so much. WTF is wrong with me? what we need to do is face this pain head on. not go out dancing or drinking or flirting or partying or playing video games or smoking weed - - facing the pain will lessen it over time. let's all try this & post again about this in a few months to see how we've changed

Yeah, you can build up your core, but you're still going to need other people. I do. I need other people, and yes, sometimes it makes me feel stupid or embarrassed, but yeah I need people. I think ENFPs just really need love and attention. There's nothing wrong with us unless it's to a point where we have no self at all. I agree that is completely unhealthy, but even when we have a strong sense of identity and are accomplishing those things on our own, we still need people, and denying that is just going to hurt you more in the long run. Don't try to run on Ne/Te and ignore your Fi: I've done it before, it will catch up with you.