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Thread: Always Angry

  1. #1
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Default Always Angry

    Is this Fi running rampant? I realize that I am often angry or bothered about something. I especially can recall past events and chew them up and down in my mind and I cannot let go. This happens every day. There are incidents that are years old that I still cannot let go of.

    I came to a pretty 'calm rational' conclusion at the beginning of this year that this is not good and this is not how I want to live.

    Most other people do not necessarily see this side of me or realize how rampant it is. They think I'm a very calm, outgoing person. I have a tendency towards theatricality and humor so that helps - externally I often manifest and turn episodes that piss me off into funny anecdotes.

    Is this normal for other ENFPs or INFPs or NFs????

    How do you deal with it? Or how have you gotten over it?

    The short answer for myself is that I need to empower myself and remind myself of the ways that I am empowered. And to act in the moment in ways that I honor myself so that later I am not angry. Anger and anxiety feed off one another.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I've not had that issue myself.

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    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Is this Fi running rampant? I realize that I am often angry or bothered about something. I especially can recall past events and chew them up and down in my mind and I cannot let go. This happens every day. There are incidents that are years old that I still cannot let go of.
    What exactly are you angry at in those events? The event itself? The person who did something? Or your own reactions to the event?

    Personally for me, when there is something I can't let go off, it's usually because I feel I should have done something or spoken up. The anger is more aimed toward myself.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

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    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Is this Fi running rampant? I realize that I am often angry or bothered about something. I especially can recall past events and chew them up and down in my mind and I cannot let go. This happens every day. There are incidents that are years old that I still cannot let go of.

    I came to a pretty 'calm rational' conclusion at the beginning of this year that this is not good and this is not how I want to live.

    Most other people do not necessarily see this side of me or realize how rampant it is. They think I'm a very calm, outgoing person. I have a tendency towards theatricality and humor so that helps - externally I often manifest and turn episodes that piss me off into funny anecdotes.

    Is this normal for other ENFPs or INFPs or NFs????

    How do you deal with it? Or how have you gotten over it?

    The short answer for myself is that I need to empower myself and remind myself of the ways that I am empowered. And to act in the moment in ways that I honor myself so that later I am not angry. Anger and anxiety feed off one another.
    Same as. I can't even describe it as plain anger, it's more like a rage in me. I'm furious, it's the kind of anger that brings tears late at night when no one else is looking. I can't lash out, I can't hurt anything to alleviate the raging. I can't shut down my mind, instead it circles like this:

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    What exactly are you angry at in those events? The event itself? The person who did something? Or your own reactions to the event?

    Personally for me, when there is something I can't let go off, it's usually because I feel I should have done something or spoken up. The anger is more aimed toward myself.
    My anger towards myself for ever allowing myself to collect the kind of memories that still hold the power to hurt me so deeply even now.

    I also present myself to the outside world as if none of this bothers me, at least not to the extent that it actually does. I often have people telling me how strong and courageous my ability to just laugh the past off is, and I smile, take the compliment, but always know that what they say isn't true.

    I measure myself against those compliments, and that gives me yet more cause to feel angry with me, for being weak and unable to let it all go for real.

    I hate feeling this way all the time, that's why I fake the upbeat side of me infront of people, if I open up and tell them "hey, actually I;m still really torn up inside" then I'm just opening myself up to experiencing those emotions in the daytime too, and late night lonely recriminations are enough as it is.

    I really don't know what to suggest, this is still in the problem phase for me, with no solution as of yet. I'm hoping that psychotherapy (for me) can help me make the day time face, my only face.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  5. #5
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I get stuck in Ne-Fi circles. Ne makes my brain spiral back over the same set of memories, then branch out to all the what-ifs over and over again.

    If it was painful, then it becomes neurotic in how it cycles and I spiral into depression. If it was painful or hurt others I am often filled with rage/anger/resentment-Te.

    Meditation and relaxation helps as I choose to shut down Ne and prevent anymore incoming info. I think it also helps us tap into NiFe to neutralize the runaway NeFi.

    We become less externally focused and more internally focused.

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    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    I'm usually pissed off about something, too. I doubt to the extent that you are, but I still feel really angry a lot. I bet it has something to do with age; discovering the world through a Ne-Fi perspective.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

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    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Same as. I can't even describe it as plain anger, it's more like a rage in me. I'm furious, it's the kind of anger that brings tears late at night when no one else is looking. I can't lash out, I can't hurt anything to alleviate the raging. I can't shut down my mind, instead it circles like this:



    My anger towards myself for ever allowing myself to collect the kind of memories that still hold the power to hurt me so deeply even now.

    I also present myself to the outside world as if none of this bothers me, at least not to the extent that it actually does. I often have people telling me how strong and courageous my ability to just laugh the past off is, and I smile, take the compliment, but always know that what they say isn't true.

    I measure myself against those compliments, and that gives me yet more cause to feel angry with me, for being weak and unable to let it all go for real.

    I hate feeling this way all the time, that's why I fake the upbeat side of me infront of people, if I open up and tell them "hey, actually I;m still really torn up inside" then I'm just opening myself up to experiencing those emotions in the daytime too, and late night lonely recriminations are enough as it is.

    I really don't know what to suggest, this is still in the problem phase for me, with no solution as of yet. I'm hoping that psychotherapy (for me) can help me make the day time face, my only face.
    Do you really want to exclude that feeling? Sure it pains you but it's also a source of security. You know it'll be there. What if it isn't? What happens then?

    It's a "metric"-system for emotions; You're not happy to accept each side.
    (I know metric is specified towards the meter but LANGUAGE IS NOT ENOUGH)

    Work it with the scientific method. Feeling is rational. Our way of perceiving/expressing, may not be.
    Open for interpretation.
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    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

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    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yes, I can do this. I think I do it so I try not to let people hurt me in a way they have before. It's too easy for me to forget things people do that hurt me so I need to file them away to remember so it doesn't happen again.

  9. #9
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gtzk View Post
    Do you really want to exclude that feeling? Sure it pains you but it's also a source of security. You know it'll be there. What if it isn't? What happens then?

    It's a "metric"-system for emotions; You're not happy to accept each side.
    (I know metric is specified towards the meter but LANGUAGE IS NOT ENOUGH)

    Work it with the scientific method. Feeling is rational. Our way of perceiving/expressing, may not be.

    I hope that it's not a source of security for me , because yes, honestly I'd rather exclude that feeling. It's highly negative thinking, I don't even think I could put into words the way my mind tumbles downwards when I experience those emotions, again and again and again and again.

    If it isn't there anymore? I feel hopeful when you ask that question, the chance to explore a new feeling because the old one is gone, that's an optimistic view to me.

    I don't know what would happen, but something would happen, something unknown and exciting in it's possibilities, rather than the ever so stagnant waters of emotions that I find myself repeatedly experiencing now.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  10. #10
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I'm usually pissed off about something, too. I doubt to the extent that you are, but I still feel really angry a lot. I bet it has something to do with age; discovering the world through a Ne-Fi perspective.
    ha, yeah. true of me too. don't know how to deal with it really. life is just hard sometimes cause we're always feeling FULL ON... and it's kind of impossible, at least in my experience, to turn it off....it's annoying and makes me mad. i can't just float around life like some other types... and this also makes me mad.... haha.

    regarding being angry about past stuff, some of the specific situations that come to mind have to do with serious friendships and relationships gone badly... that have been over for years too. most of those people aren't in my life now. but, those relationships were intense to begin with and i find that when i am wounded... i am deeply wounded. it's hard to get rid of that... the pain turns to rage perhaps as an escape from the default sadness of being so hurt. on the otherhand, i can easily idealize positive emotions from past experiences as well.

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