but actually i'm a 4w5 ENTP, so 2 would be my stress point, not my strength point... which makes me into one very very unhealthy 4.
i'm not a 100% about her but i suspect 8w7.
the thing is, when i lost focus of myself, i stopped growing as the guy she fell for. the classical tale of the disowned 'nice guy' left for the guy in the motorcycle, except i used to be that guy and lost it... i became the 'nice guy', i became the reliable old... dad.
its not that she wanted it to happen, i am the one who allowed it too, for me it was a new avenue of self exploration and i was excited about that, but with her cycle of running ideals, demanding and then taking for granted until what i did stopped being good enough, that she just consumed every moment that our son was at school or asleep.. there wasn't time or energy left within me for.. me. which would have being fine if she would have being on the same road map as i was - i suppose we could have had some extensive codependent relationship where she provides my needs and i hers, but she wasn't, she wanted to be that sort of person and idealized it but was never able to.
its not that she she didn't want me to be the man she fall for, she once told me she missed who i used to be, and she probably still does, its that she saw me as an image, an object, but so much of it was a result of elements lifestyle, a minimum level of freedom, social and intellectual indulgence i used to grant myself before her, and there wasn't any room for it with her, and she wasn't willing to provide it with my interaction with her.
i... i don't know. there's my kid there man, i can't give him up... and i wanted him to have a family, we used to be a family, but even if i have some perfect Ne/Fe brainstorm moment and figure out a way to get back there, i don't know if i could ever look at her romantically again. she'd have to disprove almost everything i think about her. as long as she will maintains being someone i need to figure out how to maneuver strategically around, i will never be able to respect her as a person. but the moment i let go of that, i'll just step on the wrong eggshell and loose him again.