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  1. #891

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    It's not about whether it exists or not. It's about whether it's a negative thing by nature. You seem to be saying "doorslamming is always negative. as evidence, my ex blah blah blah." Your ex's doorslam was negative, I think we can all agree on that (though we only have one side of the story, but even so, the stuff about holding onto shared property and owing you lots of money is pretty objectively bad). It doesn't necessarily follow that every INFJ doorslam is selfish, bad, and irrational. Your personal experience is insufficient evidence to draw that conclusion.
    I am open minded. I don't think door slamming is good, productive, or healthy when it happens the way it did in my situation, an extreme type. For me door slamming is vanishing into thin air unexpectedly to the other person with zero closure, zero clearing up loose ends, Zero communication of any kind, sometimes temporary, sometimes permanent.

    Door slamming is less to me in situations where the door slammer is clear up front and why with warning and why and both sides are very clear about the basic facts.

    My door slammer in a hypothetical example may not think I treated her well. I may disagree and think so. What matters to me is that can we agree on the basic facts of the situation. If we both can agree on rhe basic facts I can live with that. What's more challenging is if a door slammer assumes too much without discussion and then door slams based on incorrect and non-agreed upon facts. Facts matter.

    We can disagree on things and go our separate ways as long as we are very clear on facts and can agree about the facts. How one feels about facts is different from the facts themselves.

    Door slamming to me is a lot about being unclear, leaving lots of unanswered questions and issues on the table. There is certainly much more tolerance in situations where a door slammer is very clear and upfront, not hints, not signs, not guesses.

    At the very least we can agree that some door slamming is bad, negative unhealthy and unproductive. In other situations, it would be a discussion for me to even decide if something is a door slam or not. Door slam the words to me are severe, extreme. Slamming a door literally is often not a good thing. It is an extreme action, to physically slam something shut. That is how I approach it.

    To me door slamming is all about one person wanting to stay in communication and the other one not wanting to do so. I think this statement is important. There is nothing mutually agreable or mutually beneficial about a door slam. I approach life in a mutually beneficial way unless there is an extremely abusive reason from the other person not to do so. Disagreement and hurt feelings are not enough for me to not approach life that way. If you are upset and have hurt feelings and want to leave, fine. But taking one day to meet in person is not too much to ask before leaving. Getting facts straight to make sure it is a good decision, clearing up loose ends. It's basic human decency. Only in Abusive scenarios would I understand not doing so, ans even then I believe it is important to have a clear message sent and why. Relationships are always about two people, not one.

  2. #892
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Clearly...anyone posting in this thread now is a total douchebag...(which is why I'm doing it).
    Yay! I just made the douchebag cutoff, after not having posted in this thread until today! Yay! Yay!

    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  3. #893
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yay! I just made the douchebag cutoff, after not having posted in this thread until today! Yay! Yay!
    OMG...I actually just choked on my coffee a little bit...Haha! Oh this gave me a good laugh. Jennifer haha.

  4. #894
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    if you are open and willing to listen to the people you've doorslammed, how is it a doorslam?
    Well it's because I haven't "doorslammed" anyone in my life. Which I think says something. Don't give me wrong. I really feel for you and what you're going through. It's just the whole doorslamming business being some INFJ thing I'm still not buying.

  5. #895
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Well it's because I haven't "doorslammed" anyone in my life. Which I think says something. Don't give me wrong. I really feel for you and what you're going through. It's just the whole doorslamming business being some INFJ thing I'm still not buying.
    first of all, hell yes, it says something - it says your naturally very mature (or very young and haven't lost your doorslammer-virginity yet :p )

    now, obviously there's non-INFJ doorslams and there's INFJs who have never doorslammed. but if every type was equally likely to doorslam we would have a more or less equal of people complaining about doorslammers form different types per population percentage, and INFJs being the rarest would actually have the opportunity to doorslam the least amount of people compared to other types hypothetically doorslamming just as frequent, and would presumably have the smallest percentage of people complaining about INFJ doorslams compared to other types.

    if that was the case, the chances that so many people complaining about the same type doorsalmming would show up in the same MBTI forums (this isn't just here), and the hypothetical doorslam-victims of other types - which should be a lot more people if doorslam chances by all types where equal - would just happen to be remarkably rare and silent about it, even when there's a distinct and somewhat failing effort by an INFJ to out them (slikroad's non-INFJ doorslam thread), is one hell of a remarkable coincidence.

    so either there's an increased likelihood of being doorslammed by INFJs, or you guys won a really really bad lottery..,

  6. #896
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    when there's a distinct and somewhat failing effort by an INFJ to out them (slikroad's non-INFJ doorslam thread)
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  7. #897
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    first of all, hell yes, it says something - it says your naturally very mature (or very young and haven't lost your doorslammer-virginity yet :p )

    now, obviously there's non-INFJ doorslams and there's INFJs who have never doorslammed. but if every type was equally likely to doorslam we would have a more or less equal of people complaining about doorslammers form different types per population percentage, and INFJs being the rarest would actually have the opportunity to doorslam the least amount of people compared to other types hypothetically doorslamming just as frequent, and would presumably have the smallest percentage of people complaining about INFJ doorslams compared to other types.

    if that was the case, the chances that so many people complaining about the same type doorsalmming would show up in the same MBTI forums (this isn't just here), and the hypothetical doorslam-victims of other types - which should be a lot more people if doorslam chances by all types where equal - would just happen to be remarkably rare and silent about it, even when there's a distinct and somewhat failing effort by an INFJ to out them (slikroad's non-INFJ doorslam thread), is one hell of a remarkable coincidence.

    so either there's an increased likelihood of being doorslammed by INFJs, or you guys won a really really bad lottery..,
    Well I'm not very young. Been around the block enough times. I think the reason there is a thread like this is because INFJs are way too polite to say it to ya straight that it's bullshit and get caught in the nyances of why it's BS. I'll say it it's BS. And also because INFJs like to bang their heads against walls. If you really really look at what this thread'll tell you is that a there's a very very tiny number of people who have a grievance and max like 3-4, who think INFJs are doorslammers, and who post 100 times trying to argue the point unconvincingly. I call it as I see it. I went through 60 pages of this logical disaster reviewing the posts and come on, Seriously?
    I want to leave it at that because I don't see the previous 200 posts of INFJs saying they've not doorslammed anyone made any difference. I'm not really into masochism.
    Like I said I'm sorry for your marriage but don't be making generalizations.

    EDIT: And furthermore Silkroad's thread would be much more successful if we'd go make outrageous claims about other types and post on it 200 times each based on bad one experience. It's just...argh!!!!

  8. #898

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Well I'm not very young. Been around the block enough times. I think the reason there is a thread like this is because INFJs are way too polite to say it to ya straight that it's bullshit and get caught in the nyances of why it's BS. I'll say it it's BS. And also because INFJs like to bang their heads against walls. If you really really look at what this thread'll tell you is that a there's a very very tiny number of people who have a grievance and max like 3-4, who think INFJs are doorslammers, and who post 100 times trying to argue the point unconvincingly. I call it as I see it. I went through 60 pages of this logical disaster reviewing the posts and come on, Seriously?
    I want to leave it at that because I don't see the previous 200 posts of INFJs saying they've not doorslammed anyone made any difference. I'm not really into masochism.
    Like I said I'm sorry for your marriage but don't be making generalizations.

    EDIT: And furthermore Silkroad's thread would be much more successful if we'd go make outrageous claims about other types and post on it 200 times each based on bad one experience. It's just...argh!!!!
    There's a BIG difference between an enneagram 4w3 and a counterphobic 6w5.

    Every infj I have ever experienced is an ennegram 4, with either wing.

  9. #899
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BalanceFind View Post
    There's a BIG difference between an enneagram 4w3 and a counterphobic 6w5.

    Every infj I have ever experienced is an ennegram 4, with either wing.
    I'm not sure what the relevance of that is, but if you're referring to me, I'm a primarily phobic 6. 6 is one of the most common enneagram types and there are definitely 6w5 INFJs about (@Quay is one I can think of on this forum, though unfortunately she is not around a lot at the moment.)

    In fact, I'm pretty sure a lot of people (including INFJs) mistype themselves and are actually 6. It's not a "popular" type. But it is generally cited as the most common type. I am definitely not a 4 and I am - about as definitely as I can tell - an INFJ.
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  10. #900
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Well I'm not very young. Been around the block enough times. I think the reason there is a thread like this is because INFJs are way too polite to say it to ya straight that it's bullshit and get caught in the nyances of why it's BS. I'll say it it's BS. And also because INFJs like to bang their heads against walls. If you really really look at what this thread'll tell you is that a there's a very very tiny number of people who have a grievance and max like 3-4, who think INFJs are doorslammers, and who post 100 times trying to argue the point unconvincingly. I call it as I see it. I went through 60 pages of this logical disaster reviewing the posts and come on, Seriously?
    I want to leave it at that because I don't see the previous 200 posts of INFJs saying they've not doorslammed anyone made any difference. I'm not really into masochism.
    Like I said I'm sorry for your marriage but don't be making generalizations.

    EDIT: And furthermore Silkroad's thread would be much more successful if we'd go make outrageous claims about other types and post on it 200 times each based on bad one experience. It's just...argh!!!!

    You know, I'm going to go ahead and admit that I've noticed a particular brand of INFJ squirreliness that I don't have time to expand on just now, but I have dealt with it in other INFJs, it is 'a thing'. But these descriptions that are being left- it's like reading a description for 'ingrown toenail' that sounds more like leprosy.

    What I find bizarre though is that I don't think I've seen people show up with such elaborate function descriptions of 'what goes wrong' for any other type- at least, if it happens, it doesn't happen anywhere near as often as it does for INFJs. AND, on top of that, the people who do it seem to need INFJs (who AREN'T the INFJ(s) who cheezed them off) to 'admit' to doing what their elaborate function-gone-wrong description explains. It's stunning. And completely bizarre.
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