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  1. #731
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    not "tried to understand their point of view", but tried to tell me that they "have done their best to understand the other's point of view" - al i'm seen is claims, i don't see any demonstrations.
    How are you ever going to see demonstrations? You weren't there when things went wrong in my relationships. I wasn't there when your marriage broke up. We have to take all of this on face value. You mean that when I say that hours of discussion and negotiation and trying to accommodate the other person went into trying to fix a relationship - I'm lying? I can just as easily say the same thing about you, or anyone else, if I choose...
    Female
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    I DOORSLAMMING

  2. #732
    Anew Leaf
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    If you aren't an INFJ, can you still doorslam someone?

    I tried doorslamming @Jaguar, but he keeps quoting my posts.

  3. #733
    Society
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    How are you ever going to see demonstrations?
    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    if you've actually read my more personal posts opening up, as was my first and as was the later ones with intriciate mystic, what do you see? they are full of questions, they are full of possible explenations to what she might be expirencing. i will never have to claim that i have tried to understand her point of view, nor that i am aware of my incapacity to understand it fully and am thus open to any new information from her about it, because i have actually demonstrated it.
    it's that easy to demonstrate that you do. but here's the difficult part:
    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    nor that i am aware of my incapacity to understand it fully and am thus open to any new information from her about it
    see, not only are you not be demonstrating that you have tried to understand their prespective, but because of the very nature of the doorslam you are demonstrating that your not open to information about their perspective.

    since your not demonstrating what you claim you've done and yet you are demonstrating doing the opposite of what you claim to do... you see my problem there, right?


    and also:
    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I asked if there was any chance your INFJ didn't feel heard by you and you didn't answer that. I'm not saying that is what happened but it seems possible. I think it is a valid question.
    i've said before - although possibly not directly to you - that she probably felt unheard for a short period after the first doorslam, in which she regreted it, but she didn't express her regret until after she revoked it, and while it happened all she has heard from me was one very pissed off husband yelling at her in front of everybody about how she could have done that to me and to our son. like i said, that was a huge mistake on my part because i was judging her without taking into acount her perspective and without considering her emotions regarding the people i was judging her infront, but i told her that a dozen times, i explained to her my emotional reality and what i was going through.

  4. #734

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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Just am catching up on this thread now...

    @BalanceFind

    I don't find it odd that I ended up with an ESTJ. I think a lot of INFJs are very drawn to extroverted Te users as they have strengths in areas where we do not. They often appear confident, are leadery types, do well professionally, can express themselves fairly concisely right in the moment and seem certain of themselves. Unfortunately, I've noticed that over time, those very differences often become sources of difficulty in understanding and communicating with each other well. I think as I've gotten older I've realized that it works better to shore up my weaknesses, rather than looking for someone who is opposite from me.

    ESTJs often are portrayed as uptight, unwilling to consider other points of view, and very conservative. In fact, I've found that ESTJs often are funny, enjoy travelling, are very adventurous in food and music, are hospitable, and are good at drawing other people in to try those things as well. While they may prefer to be in sync with the norms of the social group around them, that could include almost any type of social group. That does not always mean conservative. In my case, I found that my ESTJ helped me to be more adventurous (I'm a creature of habit and hesitant about trying something when I don't know what to expect), was fun to be around socially, was very intelligent and resourceful, complemented my big picture views with practical details that I didn't naturally think of, and made me see the advantages of approaching people first rather than waiting for them to come to me.

    I think he was one of the first people that made me consider S types in a different light. I think before I had a tendancy to seem them as a lite version of their N counterpart, which sounds awful and I realize now was really inaccurate as well. My dad is an ISTJ, and my mum is an ENFJ, so I'm not sure if it was partially that the dynamic was familiar too on some level...

    While I do agree with you that ENTJs and ESTJs are different, they do share extroversion and Te. You would be surprised at the number of INFJs on here who have exes of either type.
    Odd was probably not the best word, interesting would have been a better and more accurate choice.

    I have had friends of all 16 types, and I have dated even briefly many different types, so I have some familiarity.

    I have a difficult time spotting a female Estj type vs Estp or Entp. I have had many Estj friends over the years, all of them male. Some are more or less conservative than others or more or less developed than others etc...wide range, but some basic levels of conservative thought are consistent with most if not all of them.

    I would have no hesitation seeing the Entj or Estp with Infj more common.

    My dad was an Entp(heavy Estp in that) 8w7, but as I have mentioned before, deeply narcisstic 3. That can happen sometimes with the oldest child, which he was, or an only child in my experiences. My mom was a salt of the earth Isfj 9.

    I should say that until a few years ago, I knew nothing about personality type, the enneagram, etc...until I just sat down and started reading on my own. I know of no one personally who has studied or studies this stuff.

    It's great that now I can more quickly recognize and see types to help me with basics. Unfortunately none of the people I have dated have ever been interested in that stuff.

    I would never say never for myself in terms of not dating certain types. Off of the top of my head, in no order or numbers, isfj,istj,infj,estp,esfp,entp,enfp,isfp,istp,intp, infp are all types I have dated at some point in my life. I have never dated an estj,entj,esfj,enfj,intj types. I have had male and female friends of almost all of the types at some point or another.

    I am definitely more naturally compatible to some than others. To me, being, healthy in your type is most important, balanced in your daily life, and have some balances in your type...example...if you are an "f" type, it helps to not be so extreme that you have no "t" ability etc..

    I have dated more infj, infp, isfj, esfp, enfp, estp types than probably the others. I prefer "f" types who are capable in the "t" area. My infj was great, positive, which is big for me, caring of everyone, which was big for me, something of a do gooder activist, which was great, anti violence of any kind, which was great for me. That was a big indicator of her being infj and not infp for me. We communicated well for a long time until things went bad.

  5. #735
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BalanceFind View Post
    It depends on the situation. I would think a door slam would be equally traumatic for the Enp and infj much of the time.

    I have no doubt that is alao the case in my situation too.

    If my situation were not so extreme, it would still be very traumatic for me. I would still have had a little bit of panic with the shock. I still would have tried hard to communicate and sit down and see what was going on etc...but a few weeks or even months of that and no response would lead me to go my own way. i wouldn't erase the person from memory. I don't think infj's do so either. I am sure they move on with their life but the memories still exist in the back of one's mind.

    A lot of door slamming is about communication, basic communication. Sometimes an infj is not being heard. Sometimes they are not doing enough to speak up or communicate. Sometimes they make assumptions or errors of fact. It varies.

    In my case, different and extreme, I learned the vision was more important than reality to my infj. That was a tough and surprising lesson for me. i know it is just my case too. I also learned that small miscommunication can lead to major major problems with my infj. I don't really understand why she cannot sit down in person with me alone or with me and others of her choosing, and talk back and forth to find win win solutions. In order to that she has to think of others first, make compromise, re-visit mistakes and miscomunication, find her old values, be hobest, etc.. and that has not happened in 7 months and counting. Short conversation in person, is all i have been waiting for.

    I know this isn't all or most situations, but it is mine and it is very real. I can juggle different topics and situations, with my own very much being my every second of every day priority.
    I'm not sure if you are able to see... that what you are saying (specific to your situation)...and what I'm saying are really no different. Hopefully, I will be able to expand on this more as the thoughts come to me...

  6. #736
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    If you aren't an INFJ, can you still doorslam someone?

    I tried doorslamming Jaguar, but he keeps quoting my posts.
    Does a doorslam without the sound effects still count as a doorslam? Say, if you want to doorslam in outer space. Astronauts fight too.

  7. #737
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by thealchemist View Post
    Does a doorslam without the sound effects still count as a doorslam? Say, if you want to doorslam in outer space. Astronauts fight too.
    This is a VERY good question.

    What is the sound of one door slamming without a doorframe?

    The answers to these and other questions could solve the riddles lurking at the heart of the universe!

    And Astronauts are smart so therefore they are N and therefore there is a 1/8 chance that they are INFJ. Wait, INTPs are pretty lazy and aren't charismatic to fight for that spot on the space shuttle. Let's make it 1/6 chance they are an INFJ because INFPs are too busy seeking unicorns.

  8. #738
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    This is a VERY good question.

    What is the sound of one door slamming without a doorframe?

    The answers to these and other questions could solve the riddles lurking at the heart of the universe!

    And Astronauts are smart so therefore they are N and therefore there is a 1/8 chance that they are INFJ. Wait, INTPs are pretty lazy and aren't charismatic to fight for that spot on the space shuttle. Let's make it 1/6 chance they are an INFJ.
    You, my dear photon, raise even more important questions.

    How does one define a doorslam? Does the material of the door matter? If the sound matters, should it be at a certain decibel? What does the average doorslam "look" like? Is there a Gaussian distribution?

    OMG the plethora of questions!!

  9. #739
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by thealchemist View Post
    You, my dear photon, raise even more important questions.

    How does one define a doorslam? Does the material of the door matter? If the sound matters, should it be at a certain decibel? What does the average doorslam "look" like? Is there a Gaussian distribution?

    OMG the plethora of questions!!
    I am more accurately described as an up quark. GET IT RIGHT.

    Well, let's look at the word "doorslam." It is comprised of two words: "doors" and "lam." It is a portmanteau to describe when doors do bad things to good people and must escape the law, hence they are "on the lam." It was shortened together in 1807 by Carl Jung when he began his manifesto on personality types.

    I hope that helps.

  10. #740

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    If you aren't an INFJ, can you still doorslam someone?

    I tried doorslamming @Jaguar, but he keeps quoting my posts.
    You're evil.
    Think.

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