i guess based on what your telling me, maybe the alternative would have being to take a step back, notice the pattern, and - not within the conflict but after - bring up something along the lines of "sweety, you know when you did [insert item], and i completely understand why [insert the reason], but then when you [insert the reasons], you blamed me for [insert the same item]? its not that it bothers me that you did it, and if you don't like me doing that we can talk about that too, but its just important to me that we try to keep our relationship fair"... sort of lay out the groundworks that the concept is there and it bothers me.
and then maybe instead of hypocracy - which is an accusation by nature - i could have used the word "fair" as an association key to remind her of that notion? instead of just bringing up the hypocracy in her judgement thinking it will obviously be wrong for her, i could have lead to it with "remember what we talked about fairness?" or "sweety i don't think that's fair" sort of thing..., sort of like a safeword for relationship conflicts. something along those lines?
although i am not sure how i could use it at this point where the multi-layered hypocracies are the core of whats preventing us from being able to talk it out like adults.